Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

Update. It's not much, but I think the caseworker is coming over on April 5 to tell D what is going on with his mom. And tomorrow I am calling to set up therapy for him. So if you guys could be praying for him and also for the caseworker and also for us, just for everybody to know the right words to say (or not say) and all of that. Also, CW said she thinks bio mom will relinquish but is not sure when. So, that doesn't really help much. One of D's friends that he went to school with died. She made several poor choices, by my understanding: She told her parents she would be somewhere and she ended up going somewhere else, she was hanging out with people up to seven years older than her and people her parents didn't know, and it appears she may have taken some prescription pain pills and possibly overdosed and died, while hanging out at the home of a woman who was a convicted drug seller. It is so so scary. I wish I could say more, but I won't. D told me today ...

Depressing things first - I'm pretty sure the m arathon I had been planning on in M ay is not gonna happen due to injuries. I am going to shoot for the 1/2 marathon, which I know I can finish but I may not do it very quickly. I have lost about 2 pounds in the past two weeks; I'm pretty sure much of that is muscle mass from not running as hard and far as I had been. I'm partly bummed, but I am also pretty much OK with it. We have a lot going on right now. I ran hard all winter long, and usually I take the winter off or at least my running slows waaaay down. I think I'm feeling a little bit of burn out. I almost didn't sign up for the full marathon in the first place and I think this is my body's way of reaffirming to my brain that now is not the time to go for another marathon. I ran 5 miles today and I can tell that my knee is swollen up. It kind of stinks but again, I'm OK with it. This summer I am going to stick to races that are either short duathl...

Friday we took D to the Japanese place where they cook in front of you. It was pretty cool, and our cooker-guy was really funny and good at his job. He got a big tip from us! Hunger Games was really good. We stood in line to get into the theatre, which was a new experience for me. Our seats weren't awful but they for sure could have been better. Oh well. It was still a really good show. The little boys went to respite at a new place on Friday night, but it turned out really well. The people that did it were a young couple basically just like us 2 years ago. They were super nice and the boys had a fun time. After we picked them up we went on a family bike ride which is always a good time. Apparently during this ride the little boys told my husband that there was a spider in the bike trailer. The boys are always pretending stuff, so my husband just kept on riding. When we got home C went potty, and then said very nervously "Thewe is something craw-wing on my weg!" Y...

D was the first in the family to read these totally rad books. He told me I should read them. I was all "hmmm, let me think, would I like the same book a 12 year old would like? NO!" Then my brother told me to read them, so I downloaded them on my Nook. I read all three books in 3 days. For realz. Then I re-read them all in another week. Tomorrow we are getting respite for the little boys and taking D to a Japanese steakhouse for dinner and to the Hunger Games movie! We bought tickets online so we will for sure get in. I am pretty excited. Mostly about the movie, really. The whole Japanese steakhouse thing is not my fav, but I bet D will like it. He has never been to one before. Y asked this morning where M was when he woke up. I told her she was at her FM's house and he was not very happy! He said he wanted her to sleep at our house. I think that's pretty sweet. She was over until about 7:00 last night and we Skyped with my mom which was pretty fun. I hav...

We need to remodel our basement bathroom and get new carpet in the upstairs before we can get our house on the market. I called 3 different companies that do bathroom remodeling, one called me back and said he was too far away to make it work. The others haven't called me back yet, and it has been 4 business days. Yesterday I called the guy that did our kitchen to see if he did baths too...and he said sure! And he came out today and is putting together an estimate for us, and maybe can get started in the next couple of weeks! It is so frustrating when you have money to give to people for doing work for you, and they don't want to call you back! UGH! At any rate, I am really excited to see what the estimate will be. I know it is going to look awesome because they have done a great job on everything so far. We are trying to do this as cheap as we can, so I found a large vanity + countertop/sink + faucet on Craigslist for $35. I am hoping to pick that up in the next couple...

Tried to e-file our 2011 Federal return today, and it got kicked back because all of the boys have been claimed on someone else's return! Not surprising, but still kind of frustrating. We WAY overpaid on our taxes this year because our business did not do as well as it did last year and we weren't anticipating that. By we, I mean "I". I paid quarterly estimated payments throughout the year and ta-da, now at the end of the year we didn't even need to make them. But in 2010, we got penalized because we didn't make them. Taxes stink: you're darned if you do and danged if you don't! So I think now we have to file on paper and wait who knows how long for this thing to go through. The IRS owes us a LOT of money so I hope it doesn't take too long! Hmmmm if only somebody would have not fraudulently claimed the boys we could expect our refund in 7-14 days! Wouldn't that be nice. :) :) :) :)

I don't think I have mentioned this yet. I got a text on Friday that bio mom had purchased pets for all the boys. She bought each of them a beta fish, and she also bought D a guinea pig. She called on Friday and asked to talk to D...apparently she was afraid to touch said guinea pig and couldn't get him from the box she brought him home in into the cage. I hope that D takes care of his pet on visits, considering his mom will probably be too scared to change the bedding, feed him, and give him water. And, um, maybe here in a few months we may be adding to our zoo here if the boys want to bring their pets to live at our house once they aren't seeing their mom regularly anymore. The fish aren't so bad, the guinea pig I'm not too sure about but I'm sure it will be fine. Y woke up at about 11:30 last night and started yelling "I'm awake!" My husband went in there and told him to be quiet and he started crying. So I went in there and told him that...

Things the 12 year old has said to or about me this week: To his friend E: "Isn't it funny how small she is?" While I was installing a doorknob: "I swear you look like you are my age when you are standing there like that." While I was sitting on the couch: "Your leg muscles are HUGE! DANG!" followed a few confusing moments later by "That is supposed to be a compliment." So there you have it. I look like a small, 12 year old midget with really strong legs. In case you were wondering. :) We are going clothes shopping together today. He always buys clothes that two of him could wear which annoys me to no end. He insists that all shorts must reach below his knees, but at least he keeps the waist up above his butt crack which I appreciate. Oy.

The GAL came to visit us last night. She was supposed to come the night before with everyone else but wasn't able to make it. I have not liked the GAL. One of the first things she said the first time she came into my home, when she had been on the case for less than a month and I had been fostering these kids for almost a year, was "We are going to get you home to your mom soon, don't you worry!" Got on my bad side right away. Yes, I do have a bad side for those of you that don't believe it! Well, she redeemed herself yesterday. She said she'd rather see the kids with us than with bio mom, and also she called me M's mom! Which made my little heart go pitter-patter, because the thought of being ANYONE's real mom is enough to bring tears to my eyes. She did say that we wouldn't be able to adopt M until she has lived with us for 6 months and rights are terminated. I'm guessing we'd just want to adopt all the kids at once and have a big ...

D just told me that he feels more comfortable at his friend E's house than at our house. I asked why...he said he didn't know. I persisted and asked "Well is it because of the way it looks? The way they act? What is it?" His answer is that our house is TOO CLEAN. Apparently when you walk in the door, it is like "aaaaaahhhhh!" the sound of angels singing. It's true, just ask D! This child sees my house when I would consider it to be a pig sty. He sees it in the mornings on days when I spend 2-3 hours just cleaning and putting stuff away! So I guess I'll take that as a compliment. Ha ha ha! Also he told me that when he is 18 he is going to run away to live with his mom. Or else to live on his own. We had a chat about how I lived with my parents after I graduated from high school, and I worked and went to college full-time. He seemed surprised. I liked my parents, and the price was right. Oh and also he thinks life will be much easier when he is 1...

It is spring break right now. D is home from school alllll weeeeeek looooong. Since his bio mom insisted he go to the school by her house instead of the school district that we are in, all of his friends are in school this week so he has nobody to hang out with during the day except for yours truly. Really it has gone pretty well. He has done some work for me and so far he has earned like $30, not too shabby! He chopped down some branches for me (these were pretty beastly branches), dug up our non-producing grape vines, and did some odds and ends around the house. I took him with me to go running and also to buy running shoes and it has actually been a pretty fun time. He has had a great attitude for the most part which is nice! Our caseworker came over tonight and gave us some info that she has found out since court. Bio mom is doing some kind of off-the-wall things which makes me very thankful that TPR is happening soon. It sounds like she is going back and forth on whether to c...

No it wasn't a surprise birthday party. Saturday night my husband and I agreed that we would go to the 2nd service on Sunday, so that way we wouldn't have to get up extra early (thank you, daylight saving time!). The middle school service that D goes to is only during the 1st hour which is why we try to always go to that service. So he had to come to the adult church with us. We knew he wouldn't be real thrilled but you gotta do what you gotta do! In our church we have been working through the book of Amos, which talks a lot about social justice among other things. We just finished up the book last week. So the focus yesterday was on how to put it into practice, and they spotlighted a few opportunities on how to serve. Well, the main focus was on....you got it, FOSTER CARE. Oh my goodness, as soon as they started talking about it I just started bawling my face off. D was sitting right next to me and patted me on the shoulder, I think he was thinking "What the he...

Nothing happened at court. Basically bio mom's atty just called a witness, and that witness sat on the stand for an hour and was examined, cross examined, re-examined, and re-cross examined. Then we were past the 1 hour scheduled for this hearing, and the atty said there were 3 other witness. So court has been continued until April 17. However, the county attorney is going to go ahead and file the petition to terminate rights. So even though nothing has changed, things are moving forward. The CW and apparently the county attorney appear confident that that rights will be severed one way or the other. I don't think anybody has talked to bio mom seriously about relinquishing. We are going to try to come up with a contact agreement here in the next week or so, so we have something to offer her in exchange for relinquishing. I'm not sure if that is something she would even consider or not. I can't imagine how difficult that decision must be. I also got my assessment f...

It has been a hard couple of days. Yesterday we found out that my cousin's son, 2 years old, passed away in his sleep. I haven't heard exactly what happened but it is literally heart breaking, and I have been praying for her and her husband very much. I know that this little boy is in heaven but his mother has had a lot of heartache in her life. It just makes you realize how very fragile all of us are, and at any moment we could just be gone. No words to express the sadness that I feel for all of those that are left behind. D decided not to go to court, which I am incredibly thankful for. There was a flurry of emails, which was ultimately basically pointless because he decided not to go. That bullet has been dodged - whew! They said he could only go if he wanted to make a statement to the judge, and then he'd have to leave the courtroom and wait in a room by himself until it was over. The GAL gave us some idea on stuff to tell D when he asks what happened at court. ...

Of course, D would randomly ask me tonight, for the first time EVER, if he can come to court on the 8th. Of course it will be the first court date that will most likely rock his world. Any other court date would have been ho-hum, boring, no new info basically. I have asked him to come before and encouraged him to come but he said that he didn't want to and that he didn't think his mom would want him there. *sigh* Sent an email to the caseworkers to see what they think. I told them I can logistically bring him, but not sure if that would be the best thing. I can't really keep him from it though; he's old enough that I believe they will allow him to make his own decision. So basically, I'm just really hoping that they say that he can't come. That is probably selfish and awful of me. If he does come, we will get through it though. Thankfully I will have some moral support in M's FM and our agency worker there in case of any disasters. To be continued!

I definitely did not fail to cook enough dinner for my family of growing boys a few nights ago. And when the 2 year old asked for more food and there was none, I did not dish him up a bowl of strawberry compote - twice. We always try to make sure we have enough food for leftovers and besides, strawberry compote is basically strawberries and sugar, definitely not something to give to a toddler right before bed! Duh! My 2 year old definitely did not fail to pull down his underwear prior to going to the bathroom, thus filling his underwear with pee while sitting on the toilet, and then proceed to get dressed...and then have a tantrum when I insisted he change his underwear and his clothes. Clearly we are teaching him to be a rational human being and to try to avoid wearing clothes full of pee. Yesterday this very same 2 year old (are you seeing a pattern here? Because I am!) did not refuse to wear a diaper for nap time. And me, being the sensible parent that I am, did not agree with h...

The Goose (a.k.a. Y) had his individual session today with his therapist. She said he doesn't seem depressed, he was laughing and smiling and talking a lot. She said she doesn't really see him doing those things at his mom's. He was much more relaxed than last time too. It makes me sad that he is so different at his mom's house. I wonder why he is like that and I wonder what is going on in his little head. :( I found out yesterday that the car seat we had for M is EXPIRED (booooo!) so I bought a new one today. It pretty much rocks the hizzouse. Regular $150, bought for $89. Goes from 22 to 80 lbs, rear faces up to 35 pounds, and it is pink with flowers. For realz. As the only girl in a family full of boys, I'm afraid Miss M may not get away from the color pink until she is in college. And I realize this is kinda tacky, but I also found some little pegs in the $1 area at Target, and I bought three to put in the little ones' room. A butterfly for Miss M,...

This afternoon I picked up the kids. While D did his chores all three little ones played outside with me. Then we all went in and sat at the kitchen table; the little boys in their boosters, M on my lap, and D scooted up next to me on the laptop. The little boys wanted to "put stickers on paper" so we got out lots of stickers. They had a merry time while I peeled the backing off of big foam stickers and handed them to Miss M, who was completely fascinated and was eventually able to stick them to the paper. In between I answered homework questions and offered suggestions. Then I made a giant dinner of pancakes, two pounds of strawberries, eight eggs, and 3/4 pound of bacon. Every bite got eaten and everybody loved it. Days like this I think to myself "Wow, everything is going to be okay! You can do this!" I just love my family. :)

Today I dropped the boys off at preschool and also got a little note that I hadn't paid the activity fees for, oh, 4 months or so. Whoops. It added up to a whopping $92, so I whipped out the good old check book to pay it (it's not a big deal to pay it, I just always forget which I know is very bad). A little girl walked unsteadily down the hall towards me. Her face was red, I thought that maybe she had just gotten into trouble or something. No such luck. She stopped right beside me and lost her lunch - er, breakfast - on the floor right beside me. I stood in shock, and she did it again. I don't know what that child ate, but whatever it was she must have eaten a LOT. I felt my stomach lurching, and staff members rushed to take care of the girl so I just hurried up and finished and left my check. The saddest thing was that one of the teachers assured the girl she would call her mom, and the girl said "No! My mom can't come get me, she just got a new job and she ...