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What happens when you meet your twin

I did meet my twin last weekend. OK so we aren't really twins (obviously!) but when I heard her story I was just blown away by the similarities to my own.

Our church has had a series of forums this year. One was about infertility, one was about divorce/widowhood, one was about adoption. I didn't make it to any of the other ones but I wanted to attend the adoption forum.

They had 3 panelists - one was adopted as a newborn, one was adopted by her father (bio father left her mother when she was 2) and has also adopted a child internationally, and one has adopted 3 children from foster care before having biological children.

The woman who adopted from foster care shared a story that was so similar to ours with D.  About living with a child who doesn't want to be adopted, who tells you he hates you, who says he'd rather live in JAIL than live with you.  Who tells you you will never be his mother, who does stupid things and makes poor choices.  Who acts angry all the time, …

Bio Family Relationships - Part 3

I'm writing more about bio family relationships. You can read part 1 and part 2 if you are interested in this on-going, unending saga.

When we ended our story last, Bio Mom had stopped talking to me for.  Two weeks later, Ben (our  bio son) gets a letter in the mail. With a return address of our city.  Yup, it's from Bio Mom. Apparently she moved to our city, and didn't say anything.  Well...that's sort of weird, right?  I texted her and let her know we got it and said thank you (it had stickers and a picture in it). She said she mailed letters for the other kids too, on the same day, but we didn't get those letters for another week for some reason (that has happened before so I'm not surprised, our mail is crazy).

Then the other kids got their letters.  The outside of the envelopes said "Mommy Hername" on the return address which is what we had all agreed she would be called.  However...on the inside they were all signed "Mom (Hername)".  Th…

Bio Family Relationships - Part 2

If you'd like to read Part 1, here is the link.

She started talking to me. A lot. Like, every day.  She asked for advice on everything in her life it felt like. She was almost like a child in many ways, not knowing typical things. She said she was drug free and that she had become a Christian, and I believed her (and still do).  
Fast forward to December 2016, we happened to be in said city that Bio Mom lived in, visiting our family, and reached out to her to ask if she'd like to see the kids.  I felt like things were going well and like I could trust her, yeah she said some sorta weird stuff sometimes especially about her past but it is what it is. I didn't know what to believe and what not to believe, some of the things she said were so crazy about things that had happened to her, but still. She was making an effort big time and I wanted to reward that.
So we picked her up from her house, went to a children's museum there, and went to dinner with her. Everything wen…

Bio family relationships - Part 1

This was an incredibly long blog, so I am breaking it up into multiple days
Sometimes stuff with bio family is lovely with adoptions. Sometimes, stuff with bio family doesn't exist. There is no contact, everyone just goes on with their merry lives.
When we were setting up our contact agreement with Bio Mom (when the state basically told her that she was going to lose her rights, she could sign them over or they could take them) - Bio Mom wanted us to agree to weekly visits.  We said no way, that would not allow the kids to truly attach to us as their parents etc.  So then she asked for monthly. We asked our caseworker, the GAL, anyone else we could get our hands on what was a typical contact agreement like, spent a lot of time talking it over, looking up info online on what was "normal" etc.

We came up with twice a year as what we were comfortable with. She said she didn't want to be like "santa clause or the easter bunny", that if that was all we would allow …

Second post this year! Huge, emotional, train wreck of a post

You guys, can I get an award for this? Two posts IN ONE YEAR!

This is a dump.  This is the condensed version of our life with our oldest child for the past year or so.  I feel like this needs to get out there, because even though this is so lonely I KNOW I am not the only one going through this.  And maybe this will help others in similar situations.

The past few years have been very hard. Our oldest, adopted at age 13 and living with us since age 11, has really struggled.  We had depression, a suicide attempt, days spent in the psych ward, counseling where he was diagnosed with a mild attachment disorder, and counseling which attempted to remedy that.  His number one goal in life (or so he says) has always been to get AWAY from us and to make his own rules.  Which isn't a bad thing because, hey, no one wants their 30 year old kid sitting on their couch playing video games right? Go spread your wings, little birdy!  But...14, 15, 16, 17, all pretty young for that.

It got to the po…

Well, here we are again

It's been a year since I last wrote. So much has happened! Way too much to put here, but suffice to say it has been crazy.  Our oldest has headed off to boot camp for the Marines, he'll be in the reserves. The other kids are 9, 7, 6, 4, 2.

Maybe I'll have time to catch up on stuff later, though I'm feeling a little weird about posting too much online. It's scary out there in the internets!

I'm writing because our journey in Foster Care Land might not be over, like we sort of thought that it was! Let me explain.

In January 2016 hubby's brother and brother's girlfriend had their son taken into foster care. They didn't tell anyone, and their son was with a foster parent (a stranger, no one in the family) for 3 months until hubby's mom found out. She contacted the state and was able to be the foster parent for the little boy.  Brother and his girlfriend got straightened out, and got him back about 9 months later.

In January of this year my husband&…

I'm back! Sort of anyway!

Apparently I haven't written anything in, oh, about 1.5 years. Convincing Blogger that I am, in fact, me, was kind of a process. I guess I need to log in more frequently.

I wanted to talk about the past few days, and Facebook didn't seem like a good medium because I don't want to sound like a whiner.  It's also a long story.  But it's funny. So keep reading!  So here goes!

First, I am home with 5 little ones, ages almost 8 (2nd grade), 6 (1st grade), 5 (learning reading and writing but technically not kindergarten age yet), 3, and 1.

My dear 6 year old son has become a holy terror the past few weeks.  When the kids make errors on their work I have them correct it. It's no big deal, I'm there to help them if they need it. Usually it's just a silly mistake, it takes about 5 seconds, done. No big deal.

Well. He makes it a very, very big deal.  At first his complaints started small, with groaning, pounding the table, arguing "It's not wrong!" …