TMI, and other misc.

Yes, this might be TMI. So feel free to skip to the bottom and read below the line! :)

I had my annual appointment today. Yes, THAT one. I am sure each and every one of you look forward to yours each year, as I look forward to mine!

...or not.

I have PCOS which I won't go into details about, but it just means that it is possible that I will never be able to bear children and that I have some other girlish things that are not normal.

My doctor expressed concerns to me that I may be at a high risk for uterine cancer due to my medical history (but she said the fact that I am NOT obese, as many people with PCOS are, is definitely in my favor). She suggested getting started on birth control to help mitigate the risk.

I told her I am still holding out hope that maybe I will get pregnant on accident and I'd rather not start birth control unless she feels it is really necessary. Of course I was bawling because it really is a sensitive subject, I mean even though I feel like I've accepted my situation and I am trusting God there is still a desire in my heart for this to happen for us (and for me!).

So she told me if I want to get pregnant I should try gaining some body fat, approximately 5 pounds. Isn't that funny? I would love to do that if I could choose where it accumulated! She said I should stop running so much too. And she was very gracious and said we can wait another year and see what happens before starting birth control, so that was good.

I am getting older and I know my chances of pregnancy are not good anyway, and with age of course my chances are getting even lower. I think I'm OK with never being pregnant but I guess it's just kind of sad to close that "chapter" of my life, and I don't want to give up yet.

I don't think I am going to purposely gain any body fat. I don't feel that I am under weight, and though I do have a lot of muscle I definitely do have fat too! I can see it! Maybe (probably!) I will cut down on running after my marathon. But I guess I kind of think that if it is meant to happen it will, and I don't know that I can do much to help it.

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Just got the call from C's doctor office that said that all his tests came back fine. So I sent off an email to the workers in the case to see if it is possible to get a second opinion. Since bio mom choose C's doctor I don't know if I can use someone else or not. It's just really frustrating, especially since the Dr. did not even lift up C's shirt to look at his tummy and did not have him take off his shoes to see how he walks on the arches of his feet. UGH.

The Early Childhood Development people haven't called me back yet either, so I called them and left another message.

One kind of funny thing is that bio mom thinks C has pink eye and that his eye looks "really bad!" Well we were at the doctor on Monday and the Dr. did not say ANYTHING about his eye (he shined a light in it and everything!) and I think his eyes look just fine. Also the babysitter that came over today to watch the kids while I went to my doctor didn't notice anything weird either. Bio mom also distributed medicine to Y because apparently he had a fever of 100.5, even though I don't think she is supposed to be giving them medicine anyway. And the person that was supposed to be supervising visits was not with them when she took Y's temp, which I think is weird. Because if you're not present, how can you supervise?

Comments

  1. on the first topic, you might look into Naprotechnology (founded in Omaha!), if anything, for a second opinion. Birth Control doesn't fix the problem, just hides the symptoms...anyway, might be worth a look!

    http://www.naprotechnology.com/

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  2. I really hope that didn't come across as judgmental in any way- just a friend trying to help another in so much pain!

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  3. My OBGYN has offered to refer me to a fertility specialist, but we declined. We did do a few rounds of Clomid and I ovulated, but did not conceive. It was very difficult to go through the effects that the drugs had on my body/emotions and the anticipation/expectation and then the let down when it didn't work.

    We (OK, mostly I) decided that I didn't want to undergo any extensive fertility treatments like in vitro, surgery, or anything else that was going to take a lot of time and money. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but we just decided that there are a lot of children in the world that need homes and if God wants us to take care of those children then we will!

    So basically I should just quit whining, probably, because there are some things we could try but just choose not to! :) I did browse that website though, and I do always like learning about PCOS and treatment options - good information to have on hand and doesn't make me feel like such a freak. :)

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  4. Oh no, you did not sound judgmental at all! Just sound like you are trying to help a friend out. :)

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  5. Just an extra tidbit- Napro is something TOTALLY different. It's not extensive fertility treatments, in vitro, surgery, or expensive. The media hasn't picked it up because it's a religious foundation and the basics of it are a form of NFP- but the technology part of it is a totally different concept. Anyway, you are obviously not a freak and I'm glad I could pass along the info!

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  6. ooppss- ok, maybe there are surgical options with it...but it really is different :)

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  7. Oh Brynn. There are so many things I think none of us will understand on this side of heaven. When God said that woman will have great pains in bearing children, I fully believe he was referring to both conception AND delivery. Having now experienced pain on both ends, I am quite sure the former is more painful than that latter. I would rather experience natural childbirth many times over, with all that it entails, than ever again experience the heartache that comes with the failure to attain or maintain a pregnancy.

    We are in two different places, you and me, but I am vividly familiar with your heart's yearning.

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