Ok here is a real update. I am doiing this from my phone so please pardon any spelling errors.

Bio mom contacted us last week (she has my cell number and we text fairly regularly) to let us know that she had decided to relinquish her rights, and had told D. She said she knew it was best for her kids, that she wasn't raised right and that she wanted more for her kids than she could give them. She said she keeps hurting them, though she doesn't mean to, and that it just wasn't right.

Needless to say, we were very surprised. I was expecting this to happen maybe later in the summer, once it got close to the termination trial. I was also surprised at her apparent maturity in recognizing her role in the situation and her ability to see what she could do to make things right.

At court basically what happened is they set a docket call for May 7, where all the parties have to appear at court. I am not sure why. Then the termination hearing is set for the week of May 21. This is all much quicker than we had anticipated.

So we sat down and came up with an initial offer for a contact agreement. We offered two visits a year. The GAL wanted us to promise a visit on Mother's day but I was like um, no. The one day a year that is supposed to be in appreciation of the woman that does the cooking, cleaning, organizing, scheduling, kissing, hugging, advising, disciplining, grocery. Shoppping, etc. And I am selfish in that I don't want that day to be about her and then dealing wsith whatever fall out there is from the visit. So anyway, we also offered twice a year updates with pictures, letters, grades, and that kind of thing. And we also offered monthly phone calls with D.

My understanding is that our offer was a pretty generous one, but of course she doesn't think it is enough. So I guess we will see what happens with that. She has not made a counter offer.

The caseworker emailed this weekend and said she wants to start reducing visits now. So that might be coming down the pike. We really want visits to taper off instead of just all of the sudden stopping. I guess if she relinquishes visits end immediately. They get one more "goodbye" visit and that is it.

Meanwhile my uncle passed away Thursday, Friday we had a guy at the house to start work on the basement bathroom, Saturday we went to D's track meet then drove 5 hours, today we went to the funeral and are driving 5 hours home. Tomorrow a plumber is coming over tomorrow, also we have to move all our upstairs furniture because we are getting carpet installed on Tuesday! So things are a little nuts and I am kind of frazzled.

The boys did pretty good at the funeral. My uncle was cremated so there was no body which I was thankful for. It was nice to see our family again and it did make me miss being close to family.

So that is what is going on. I have waited for this for so long and I cannot believe it is finally here!


  1. wow! so happy for this to be going in a good direction. sorry about your uncle.

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  3. Glad to see things moving towards permanency for your children. I would not have agreed to Mother's Day visits, either. Scheduling visits NOT on birthdays and holidays that are already stressful or exciting--especially occasions that are celebrations of family--avoids stacking stress on top of stress. That makes the likelihood of happy visits greater. Our kids' birth parents had no interest in ongoing contact and hadn't seen their children in years when we adopted them, so it hasn't been an issue for us.

  4. So happy that things are going well for you guys. From what I've heard from others your contact agreement does seem very generous. What time is your court on May 7th? We are going to be there at 9:30.


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