Infertility Awareness Week

Well, apparently it is Infertility Awareness Week.

I am infertile. There, I said it! Apparently, so are about 1 in 10 couples. We have tried to get pregnant, but it didn't work. We opted not to go the route of invitro, so we haven't tried all that we could try. I don't think there is anything wrong with invitro, but it just felt too invasive, too expensive, too risky for my heart to get my hopes up so high and then have the possibility of it not "working".

Going through fertility treatment was very emotionally and physically draining. It is not something I wish personally to pursue ever again, although if it meant a lot to my husband I would at least consider pursuing it again.

I thought this blog was very insightful with a lot of the same feelings that I have: http://foster2forever.com/2012/04/dont-ignore-infertility.html

Several people have said to me "As soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant!" ...Maybe, I guess, but if it hasn't happened by now I'd say the chances are pretty slim. Somebody the other day even asked me "What will happen if you get pregnant after you adopt four kids?" Um...we will have 5 kids? We will just pray it's not twins! ;)

Anyway, it is something I still think about although I don't ache the way that I used to. I even took a pregnancy test the other day (it has been almost 4 months since I've had a period! that might be TMI, but that's just how I roll) and it was negative. I didn't even cry.

It's still kind of sad to think that I will never experience so many of those things that go along with having biological kids. In fact, if we don't adopt any additional children after these four, I will never have taken a child home from the hospital, never experienced those sleepless nights for months on end, never been the ONLY mother a child has ever known. That is kind of strange to think about. I might be the last mother, but never the first.

So that is that, I suppose. Now I'm getting myself all choked up. I have accepted this as my lot in life. I know that I'm still young, a miracle could happen, blah blah blah. But don't tell me it will! God clearly has a plan that is better than what we could have ever dreamed of, even though it might not work out the way we expected it to.

Comments

  1. I'm a lurker but I have to comment. Being the last mother is the one that counts, not the first. Don't discount yourself you are doing a wonderful thing and are a mother to those children.

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  2. Thanks for linking to my post. Obviously you know I feel the same way about it all!

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  3. no matter how it happened...you ARE mom.

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  4. Thank you for sharing!

    I would love it if you took part in my writing challenge for the month of May to raise awareness for the Foster Care System.

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  5. Now you have all choked up :) I was not aware it was infertility awareness week either. Thanks for your openness.

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  6. We were blessed to be able to have children the 'normal' way, and were even more blessed when one of them turned out to be you! I can only imagine the heart break you endure(d) dealing with infertility issues. I know you trust God for whatever happens in your life. So our prayer for you is that you will find fulfillment in whatever mothering role you decide to take on and God blesses you with. I will admit, that 4 at once is a rather large step, but you can do it! If, for whatever reason, you end up with 5 (or more) we'll be there with you.

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  7. I can't even imagine the pain of infertility when you long to have a child. But you, my beautiful daughter have chosen to deal with this issue in such a positive way. You are giving these kids a chance they would never have had otherwise. God has chosen to bless you in ways the rest of us can't imagine - and you have accepted His plan with a dignity and grace I can barely fathom. You have blessed us, your parents, beyond words and we marvel every day at your love and commitment to these children God has given you. We are proud of you and your DH and we can't wait to see what God has in store for you in the future. Much love...

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