Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

Welp, I took the C Monster to his new doctor today. We didn't actually meet with the doctor, we met with a PA. And can I just say, SHE IS AWESOME. I explained my concerns to her about his constipation. She explained to me how once a child becomes constipated once, it can lead to a cycle that just keeps going because the body actually can go through some changes that make constipation keep happening. She also said that kids his age have a lot of psychological stuff that goes on that sometimes causes them to just hold it in, or that it could be a problem of part of his colon not functioning properly. So she said to keep him on stool softener for 2 weeks to allow his body to heal, then take him off. If he gets constipated again she will refer him to a psychologist and they will begin taking steps to eliminate causes such as the colon thing, food allergies, etc. Also I had her look at his feet. He walks on the arches of his feet, and his achilles tendons turn out instead of just goi...

C: "Can I take your hair off?" Me: "Ahhh.....no. It's pretty firmly attached." C: "Can I take your nose off?" Me: " I don't know, can I take your hair off?" C: "No!" Me: "Can I take your nose off?" C: "No! (pauses) .... "Can I take your nose off?" Then he messed up my hair and informed me I looked silly. Thanks buddy!

- The kids are at respite tonight. Yaaaay-oooo! It has been nice to have so much family time this week while D was out of school and while we went on two vacations, but it is really nice to have a bit of a break. - Do you remember our first disrupted placement , C and Y (the 8 and 9 year old boys)? Well, our current boys are staying at their old foster mom's house for respite! Crazy, right? I chatted with her a little bit, and she said that the boys' placement with their aunt was disrupted and that she didn't know where they were now. That makes me very, very sad, because I think they were a good fit for us and we were a good fit for them too. Mostly Brian was a good fit for them; I think they really benefited from having him in their lives. I hope and pray that they are in a stable environment, wherever that may be. - I ran 14.5 miles today, in the snow. It was so cold and wet that my dog had icicles hanging off of her outer coat. I felt bad but she had a really good...

That's what it's been! Going back and forth with everyone over this stupid doctor thing. I want to take C in because I am really worried about his constipation issues and I do think they are related to his tantrums. Today he screamed all morning over everything, finally I just put him to bed and told him he was not coming back out until he took a nap (yes, I am going for the Most Compassionate Foster Parent of the Year award, vote for me!). He fell asleep pretty quickly and slept. For FIVE HOURS. I am totally serious. Then tonight he said he needed to poop and (hopefully this is not TMI) he did the hugest poop I've ever seen in my life. Like, I do not even understand how that came out of his little body. So I am thinking all of this is related, like his tummy doesn't feel good and it causes him to need crazy amounts of sleep and to have tantrums, but maybe he just can't verbalize it. Basically the SC told me I'm SOL, but I could take him to this Urgent Care...

...is that the doctor I picked is not good enough (why, I have no idea, other than possibly 5 miles is too far away from her home, although traveling 5.3 miles to see her old doctor is NOT too far away...). So she is going to pick a new doctor "in the next couple of weeks". So what am I supposed to do in the meantime if he gets sick? Can't go to his old doctor, because he is no longer the PCP. Can't call his new doctor, because mom doesn't want him to go there and guess what, she has the right to choose! Can't go to his new-new doctor, because bio mom can't find time in her busy schedule to choose a new doctor for another couple of weeks...? It's a hard life when you only have to take care of kids 8 hours a week and have no job. Yup. I am a hostage, indeed. Also, the past 2 nights the little boys have stayed up until 9 p.m. talking to themselves in their room. What a quandry. I've half a mind to leave them in there for at least 11 hours no m...

Saturday the kids had a visit, and I wrote to bio mom about how I had found C a new doctor. I told her what I found out about him and why I thought he would be good. She wrote back and said basically that if we are changing on kid's doctor, she wants to change them all, and that she wants the doctor to be closer to her house, and that oh by the way C had an accident and can I send the clothes that he was wearing back to her because they belong to someone else. She says she wants to start going to doctor's appointments which I suppose in theory is commendable. I am a little irked because I have taken Y to his 12 month, 15 month, and 18 month check ups, plus C to his 3 year check up, not to mention numerous visits for other concerns, and oh yes let's not forget that I took Y to a surgery that SHE requested he have done, and she did not even show up. She has never come to one appointment, ever. This whole time I've been driving 14 miles one way (takes about 30 minutes...

I got a new doctor for the C-Monster! He is a family physician that specializes in pediatrics and also is a Psychologist, and I am hoping that the combination of these things will equip him to offer some new insight into some of the issues that C has. At first I was very disheartened. Lots of pediatricians (in fact, ALL of them in our town) are full of patients and are not accepting new Medicaid patients, period. Then I called one place that made it sound like I could not bring C in just for a second opinion, which I had been told by our HHS worker that I could. After several long (and confusing) phone calls, I got to talk to a very nice lady at Medicaid enrollment who helped us find some physicians in our area. I looked them up and really I think this new doctor is going to be stellar. I looked him up on a doctor rating website, and he got 5 stars out of three reviews. The boys' current doctor got 2 stars out of four reviews (3 of them were 1 star, one was 5 star). Also, if i...

Yes, this might be TMI. So feel free to skip to the bottom and read below the line! :) I had my annual appointment today. Yes, THAT one. I am sure each and every one of you look forward to yours each year, as I look forward to mine! ...or not. I have PCOS which I won't go into details about, but it just means that it is possible that I will never be able to bear children and that I have some other girlish things that are not normal. My doctor expressed concerns to me that I may be at a high risk for uterine cancer due to my medical history (but she said the fact that I am NOT obese, as many people with PCOS are, is definitely in my favor). She suggested getting started on birth control to help mitigate the risk. I told her I am still holding out hope that maybe I will get pregnant on accident and I'd rather not start birth control unless she feels it is really necessary. Of course I was bawling because it really is a sensitive subject, I mean even though I feel like I'...

We went for C's 3-year check up today. He is 29.4 pounds, 39.5 inches tall. Apparently this is 24th percentile for weight and 89th percentile for height according to the online calculator I used. I forgot to ask the Dr. for the official stats. Not sure about his height, but when he moved in we weighed him at 24 pounds and some change so he has gained 4 or 5 pounds since he has lived with us. So that's good! I talked to the doctor about ALL my concerns about C: His skinny arms and legs and distended-looking belly Tantrums The 16-hours of sleep he often gets in a day and how it seems like it is too much for his age If he is getting enough calcium since he doesn't drink milk very often Walking on the arches of his feet Lack of coordination (my perception; may not be accurate) Consistent and constant constipation I also asked the Dr. for a thyroid test, and he obliged. He said he is going to run "other tests" also, not sure what those consist of. I was a little ou...

Well, yesterday morning did not start off well. I was doing great at having everything all prepared for the birthday party...but both of the boys woke up extra early, and whiny. Y ended up having to take a morning nap. I toyed with the idea of having C take a morning nap because he was having a LOT of tantrums, but I knew that if he went to sleep and then I had to wake him up when the party started at 10:00 a.m. he would be a bear (he does not do well being woken up from naps!). So I just let him stay up. I won't bore you with all of the crazy details, but suffice to say that I learned that our home is not really fit for hosting 30+ people. It never seemed so small as it did yesterday! There were 3 baby guests, all born within about 2 months of each other so that was neat, and there were a couple of one year old's and a 3 year old. It was fun passing the babies around and I finally got to see my little niece again, whom I do not get to see nearly often enough! When it ca...

"The baby has her mouth out!" after she popped her head out of the Moby. Then he firmly planted a kiss on that little mouth. :) Then we had this convo: "The baby have wiener?" "No honey, the baby doesn't have a wiener." "You have wiener!" "No, I don't have a wiener. Only boys have wieners." "Bri has wiener!" .... I think I am going to keep up this "Toddler Tidbit" because let's face it, he says WAY funnier things than I could ever think of saying!

Today is the C-Monster's birthday! He is turning 3 years old. This is his second birthday in foster care. I am not an over-the-top celebrator person. I don't go all crazy over days, it's just not my style. Not that there is anything wrong with people that do! First thing this morning I did tell him it was his birthday, and that he was three now and not two! He was excited. But between then and now, somehow he got it into his head that he is "eleven" which is how old D is...not sure how that happened! I also told him we are having a birthday party for him tomorrow and he kept saying "I wanna play with mah berfday!" So mostly I have spent today cleaning up for tomorrow's party, and baking the birthday cake! A LOT of people are coming, so I also made some cupcakes too. Can't let anybody miss out on cake, you know! First I baked the cake and the cupcakes: Clearly, Betty Crocker I am not (although I DID use her cake mixes, which is a step in the r...

I might do a "real" blog later, but for now I leave you with this! C told me today "I got a BIG poop out! Wanna see it?" Do I really have a choice?? :o)

Here is your proof! Little green leaves of the iris... ...and a tulip slowly sneaking up out of the snow and leaves. And yes, that white stuff is indeed snow. And it is snowing right now. :)

Well yesterday I finally got some seedlings planted. C helped me a little bit. It was an exercise in patience for me, and an exercise in sheer confusion for him. I don't think he understood exactly what we were doing but in a few weeks when they sprout I will show him...and maybe it will make sense then! Or maybe not. :) I am super excited for spring. Some of my tulips are beginning to make an appearance. It's nice to look out the window and see some tiny little bits of green in the grey and brown landscape. Also we got our new fridge. It is 26 cubic feet, and our old one was 18 cubic feet. I am pretty darn excited about it! :) It is a dominating presence in our postage-stamp-sized kitchen but hopefully now we will not have food overflowing out of the fridge every time we go to the grocery store. It is a bottom freezer one too, so I'm hoping having the fridge part more on eye-level will result in less food waste. Now the part you have all been waiting for - court! Ev...

I pretty much had a pity party all day yesterday. Yes, I know, I am pathetic. I let C watch Dora for over an hour yesterday which I pretty much never do. I basically accomplished nothing all day except for surviving and keeping everybody else alive. But the good news is today I feel about 100% better. I got to take care of the baby last night and had her today and she is feeling MUCH better and oh so smiley...oh man I love that baby! And I got my 11 mile run in and I let my dog come, and she had so much energy in the last 2 miles that I was kind of jealous. AND my husband helped me map an 11 mile route to Chipotle and I ran there, and he met me there after my run and bought us burritos. And now I'm going to shower and take it easy until the boys get home and hopefully we can watch No Ordinary Family tonight after the littles are in bed. :) Court in THREE DAYS! Oddly enough, it is also the day that we get our brand new fridge to replace our extremely small 1986 model. I am exc...

Yes this is my second blog of the day. I think I might be starting to get a little bit depressed about this whole tantrum thing plus everything else going on right now. It's kind of like post-partum depression, only different. I mean it kind of makes sense. Somewhere I read that PPD can be caused or at least exacerbated by mother's inability to soothe their colicky/inconsolable infants. So I have a colicky/inconsolable toddler, obviously not the same situation but there are some similarities. And I feel like I don't have any support but really, what is anybody going to do? Staying home with them is kind of my job. He is too young for therapy, as I have been told over and over (and over) again. I am considering putting him and the rest of the kids into part time daycare or something. I mean, this is nuts. I have no life, at all, I feel like many days I can't get everything done that needs to get done. I feel like the majority of people involved in this case, b...

Tantrums. Every Single Day This Week. Lots of them. Long ones Short ones Tearful ones Fake ones Kicking ones Fighting ones Laying down Standing up Tantrums walking in to the grocery store (we turned around and went home instead of shopping, he threw himself down in the middle of the parking lot - life is so hard) Tantrums when we got home from the grocery store (I am happy now, I wanna go grocery store! yeah right buddy) Tantrums leaving the Children's Museum (oh, the disdainful looks and stares from the other mothers!) Tantrums at Valentino's (again, oh the stares!) Tantrums before Bible study (guess I didn't really want to go to that anyway!) Terrible, terrible tantrums Life altering tantrums Tears from him and tears from me How am I supposed to live like this? How does anyone live like this? Will his third year make things better? Or will it just bring more of the same? Here's hoping for change.

Today, at the Children's Musem, C told me "I need to pee!" and we made it to the potty BEFORE the pee exodus! It is a banner day, folks. :) Then of course he had a pretty major meltdown when it was time to go home...and again before nap time...and don't forget about the one shortly after waking up this morning...but hey, I'll take what I can get at this point! :)

The FCRB meeting was tonight. The FCRB is a board of volunteers that review cases of kids in foster care and make recommendations to the judge. The judge doesn't have to accept their recommendations but they take a lot of time going through the case files and talking to the caseworkers, that kind of thing. I'm really glad we went. They asked a lot of good questions and we also provided some information to them. It was a good experience and I'm glad we went! C's tantrums are back with a vengeance. Yesterday morning I was supposed to go to Bible study, and normally the kids go to the daycare at church. Well, my husband also asked me to take D to school, which isn't that big of a deal on Tuesdays but it is a deviation from me and the little boys' normal routine. C pretty much freaked out as soon as he found out we were having breakfast "to go". He screamed pretty much for about 45 minutes. I decided that I didn't want to subject the oh-so-kind...

Well, got notified yesterday that visits will be reduced, so they will only be 2 days per week. This is so that bio mom can work on her issues and not focus on the kids as much. Also I think it's so she doesn't look bad, since she missed 20+ visits over a 2.5 month period of time...yikes. Less visits = less cancellations, by default! Told D, he was super bummed. He knows that more/longer visits mean he is closer to going home...so now the opposite is happening. He actually told me "I wish you would have just told me that she canceled!" Kind of sad, he is admitting he'd rather just be in the dark and lied to about what is going on in his case. :( But that is kind of how he is about everything with his family, I think. SC said the earliest, absolute best case scenario for the kids going home is 5 more months. But he made it sound like the judge in this case is not very hard on parents and so the case could drag on, even if she doesn't get her stuff together....