Thinking through this, and some more info

Wellllll...

It's official. OK, not really, but as official as it can be at this point. If rights get terminated, we will be adopting Miss M as well as her brothers. So that makes four kids, for those of you counting. I am pretty excited but also nervous. In the past year I have mastered bath time and bed time solo with three little ones, adding another is going to be a bit of a stretch. Usually we can kind of tag team but sometimes one or the other of us has to be gone. I think it will be OK. Actually I think it will be fun. The main thing I'm worried about is becoming the caretaker of a head very full of African American hair. I have no experience, other than with cutting it. Huge learning curve here! Thank goodness she is still too young to care what it looks like because it might not be that nice for the first few months. :)

Also today, D asked me when he was going to start having overnights with his mom again. I was, of course, unprepared for this random question on a day like today when so much has happened, so I simply responded that they definitely would not be happening anytime before the next court hearing in March.

....?

That was the best I could do.

I dread, and I mean DREAD, the time when he has to find out.

When you hear about older kids being adopted out of foster care, it always seems like it's this sob story where their parents have been beating them up for years, or they grew up in the system, or something crazy like that where the kid is all "Yes, I need some parents and a home to finish growing up in!" And the parents welcome them with open arms, and it might be hard but it turns out OK. This is not the case with D. I'm not saying he had the best childhood but he has his rose-colored glasses on 24/7 with his mom and I don't even know if he will understand. And not to mention, he was up to spending 3 nights a week there a month ago! He was under the impression that he was going home, and soon. And now...well. Maybe not so much. So he has gotten his hopes up, WAY up, and it is going to suck to see them all come down. I hope he's not angry with us but I have a feeling he will be. I really hope we can get some therapy to work through this.

I think it will all be ok. I hope and pray it will all be OK. We have a lot to offer D, I think, but we are not his biological parents. And there are lots and lots and LOTS of differences.

Anyway, we'll just have to take things one day at a time and just wait and see, wait and see.

Oh also, I was thinking - I have no personal experience with this, but if I were to guess, I think our situation is similar to a couple that has just found out that they are expecting. They know they are a few weeks along, but also know that a miscarriage is more likely to happen in the first trimester, and so they are hesitant to get their hopes up or to tell anyone. But of course they can't help but get their hopes up. And of course I am telling my loyal blog readers and also my family members. :)

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