Bonding
Miss M and I had our bonding assessment yesterday. The therapist thought it went well and her opinion is the one that matters! :) We were video recorded and the therapist had us play together for 10 minutes, put the toys away, play with bubbles for a few minutes, do some tasks (like put those popping beads together and then take them apart, stack cups, stack blocks). Then she had me leave the room for a few minutes and then come back.
The therapist was super nice. I told my husband she felt like a kindred spirit, but I'm not sure if that is just the way that therapists have, you know what I mean. She told me that they were looking for smiling and laughing, if I responded to M's needs, how I gave instructions, if I was overly controlling or not clear enough. I guess that if it does go to termination the therapist has to make a recommendation on what the best placement for Miss M would be so that's why they wanted to do it.
Afterward we chatted about our relationship. She asked why we hadn't initially taken placement of M, which is a hard question but I can understand why they want to know. Because of C's incredible tantrums, our being overwhelmed at going from zero children to 3 to possibly 4, all within 4 months when we had initially requested only one child, and still being in the learning process of figuring out how to parent these children, plus me staying at home all the time, and how close the little ones are (they are each 15-16 months apart) it was just not going to work at that time, for us. If we end up adopting them I wonder if Miss M will ask about it in the future when she is old enough to understand and ask.
I did tell her that I did full time daycare for Miss M for 6 months (initially because she was too young to go to a normal daycare, and then we continued because it was working well for all of us), and that I was thankful we were able to have that time together even though I doubt that M will remember. The therapist said that since we have continued to see each other on a very regular basis that M "remembers" that bond, and that it is still intact. So that made me feel good.
We also had a chance to talk some about the boys. The therapist is seeing some behaviors that I haven't seen them with (she sees them only at bio mom's house). I was internally panicking because I was thinking maybe I just was missing something, but she said that it was OK that they have different behaviors in different places. Isn't that silly of me, I kind of expected that they would just always be the way that they appear to us at home!
So Wednesday I take Y in to do the bonding thing, then Friday I take him in for his individual session. I feel much better about this and not nearly so nervous. I am thankful for the therapist and the time she has been taking with the boys and observing, and also thankful that she is in their corner to recommend what is best for them (whatever that might be!).
The therapist was super nice. I told my husband she felt like a kindred spirit, but I'm not sure if that is just the way that therapists have, you know what I mean. She told me that they were looking for smiling and laughing, if I responded to M's needs, how I gave instructions, if I was overly controlling or not clear enough. I guess that if it does go to termination the therapist has to make a recommendation on what the best placement for Miss M would be so that's why they wanted to do it.
Afterward we chatted about our relationship. She asked why we hadn't initially taken placement of M, which is a hard question but I can understand why they want to know. Because of C's incredible tantrums, our being overwhelmed at going from zero children to 3 to possibly 4, all within 4 months when we had initially requested only one child, and still being in the learning process of figuring out how to parent these children, plus me staying at home all the time, and how close the little ones are (they are each 15-16 months apart) it was just not going to work at that time, for us. If we end up adopting them I wonder if Miss M will ask about it in the future when she is old enough to understand and ask.
I did tell her that I did full time daycare for Miss M for 6 months (initially because she was too young to go to a normal daycare, and then we continued because it was working well for all of us), and that I was thankful we were able to have that time together even though I doubt that M will remember. The therapist said that since we have continued to see each other on a very regular basis that M "remembers" that bond, and that it is still intact. So that made me feel good.
We also had a chance to talk some about the boys. The therapist is seeing some behaviors that I haven't seen them with (she sees them only at bio mom's house). I was internally panicking because I was thinking maybe I just was missing something, but she said that it was OK that they have different behaviors in different places. Isn't that silly of me, I kind of expected that they would just always be the way that they appear to us at home!
So Wednesday I take Y in to do the bonding thing, then Friday I take him in for his individual session. I feel much better about this and not nearly so nervous. I am thankful for the therapist and the time she has been taking with the boys and observing, and also thankful that she is in their corner to recommend what is best for them (whatever that might be!).
Very interesting.
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