So much to say, so much to say

I suppose the most important thing is that it sounds like D moving is not as remote of a possibility as they have previously made it seem. The GAL has asked for a private meeting with D to talk to him. Of course he will say he wants to go to his godmother. I'm not sure what will happen after that, but bio mom's atty is pushing pretty hard to go ahead and start getting the godmother licensed and background checked and all that stuff.

I have very mixed feelings. Ultimately I think we are the best placement - we have stability, he has a good father figure in my husband, we have been with him through the past 2 years. This person has been part of his life in the past, but not so much anymore. She is homosexual, so D will never have a real dad. I feel like he has years and years of seeing the "men" in his life do things like be physically abusive, be absent, be lazy, etc., he has a lot of catching up to learn what a real man is and how to be one. Plus we love him, I pray for him daily and I think he is a wonderful child. Plus his best friend lives about 300 feet away from us, he'll get to go to a great school if he stays with us, he'll have a lot of opportunities that he probably won't have with his godmother. There are lots of other reasons, but I won't go there today.

What I'll admit, is that in some ways it might make our lives easier to not have him. Imagine if we only had a 4, 3, and 1 year old. Often me and my husband are splitting up, one to take D wherever he needs to go or to go do something with him for "big kids" while the other stays home or goes somewhere else with the littles. The 9-year gap between them is huge. We do find family activities that we all enjoy, but there are definitely a fair amount of things the littles can't or don't want to do, and same goes for D. I know it's frustrating for him when we have to be home at a decent time so the littles can get to bed or get down for nap, or when we have to do some boring little kid activity. But at the same time, I think it's teaching him that life is not all about him which is an important life lesson (though not a fun lesson to learn).

But I'm willing to make the sacrifice to keep D with us, because I think he's worth it and because I think we are the best place for him. If I didn't think that, I would have disrupted the placement a year ago when I was struggling with him so much in the first place.

And of course, since we are the foster parents only, we don't get much say. More like, none.

So be praying about that if you think about it. I just want whatever is best to happen.

In other news, the C monster brought up kindergarten today. He is in the preschool class at his daycare, so some of his friends will be starting kindergarten this fall. However, C just turned 4 so he has another year and a few months before he will be starting kindergarten.

He told me firmly "Then I'm not going to be your friend!" when I gently told him that he wouldn't be going to kindergarten for a long time. This is his go-to phrase when he gets upset. And it's kind of funny because he is such a chatterbox that about 30 seconds later he just can't keep himself from talking anymore and he'll resume chatting my ear off. :)

So anyway I asked him if he thought Kindergarten would be fun, and he said yes. I asked him if he'd want to stay home with me and do kindergarten, and he was really excited about that possibility!

I have always wanted to home school. This might stem from my less than stellar experiences with public school. I went to a magnet school for I think 3 or 4 years, and ended up skipping a grade. Then back in "real" school I was bored to tears. So much time was wasted going over and over things that I already knew, or rehashing stuff we learned last year, or disciplining the other very naughty kids. I dreamed of being able to sit under a tree and read a book, or anything in the world besides sitting there stuck inside my own brain and just being so incredibly BORED. It was awful. A lot of times, in math especially, the teacher would write the homework on the board before she taught us the lesson, then I'd read the book and figure it out myself, and finish up the homework before class was over.

So anyway. Once things with the kids are more settled (i.e., no more visits with anybody, rights terminated so we know that nothing weird will be coming up), I want to try to figure out a way that they can go to daycare only 2 or 3 days a week. Right now they have to go every day for 6-7 hours each day because that is the only way the state will pay for it. It's frustrating because I don't really NEED them to go every day, but they just have to. I mean I definitely stay busy while they are gone, I never get to the end of the day and think "Hmmm, well tomorrow I'll just stay in my jammies all day and watch TV!" We might be hiring another person to work for us, and that might take some of the burden of some of the things I do off of me. And our house stuff is almost finished, basically at this point we just have a few days of painting and touching up to do and the plumber is coming Tuesday to hook everything back up in our basement bathroom and that will be done.

All that to say, I know homeschooling would be a BIG change, but I still have a year and a few months before we need to start that. Plus I think the C monster is super smart so it would be easy. Maybe. But I do want to keep the kids home more, just get used to them being around 24/7 again.

I feel like so much is still up in the air. I'm really looking forward to this being over. There is much uncertainty in all lives, I'm sure, but right now we have more than our fair share I think!


  1. Wow! What a lot going on. I can relate to feeling like everything is up in the air. I think that must be a feeling that "career" foster parents just get used to...I'm certainly not used to it, nor do I like it. As for homeschooling, remember that you only have to decide one year (or even less!) at a time...I homeschooled my oldest for kindergarten (after 1 month of public school I pulled him out) and then he went back in for 1st and is now thriving.

  2. Mom is so manipulating the system and I just don't understand why she allowed to do that. I don't like the "up in the air" feeling either.


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