Got an email yesterday. I didn't get it until like 8 p.m. Basically bio mom decided that her last visit is going to be on Saturday. And she is going to relinquish on Wednesday.

Saturday she was supposed to have a visit with D only for his birthday, so I think he was looking forward to that. So we were in the unenviable position to tell him what was going on last night. I bawled, and I've been crying this morning already. It makes me SO MAD. How could she do this with no warning whatsoever? This doesn't have to be the last visit, she just wants it to be for some reason. I think she wants to get it over with but in the process she is just hurting everyone.

And the extra crappy thing about the timing of this is that D's 13th birthday party is tonight. He is having 3 friends over to spend the night, and camp in the yard, and we were going to set up camping games for them to play and have a cook out and a camp fire and s'mores and then go to a place where they can drive go-karts and such tomorrow. I'm sure she had no idea that this was happening this weekend but UGH. Think, woman! At least that can still go on as planned, just with a cloud of sadness over it. But maybe it will make it easier for him, I don't know.

I am frustrated beyond belief. I know that this too will pass, and that God has a plan. And I take solace in that. But it is very hard right now and I know the little boys will not understand. And I don't know how exactly to tell them without making her look like a monster.

On the bright side, their lives are about to become very, very "normal". We will have the same schedule every day during the week (except for they will still have one visit with their dad). They will be here 7 days a week for dinner, we will be able to grow closer as a family (I hope). It's summer, so there's lots of fun things to do. I just wish it didn't have to end this way. I'm so irritated that we asked a month ago for visits to start tapering and she didn't want to do that, so they will just abruptly stop.

Anyway, it's out of my hands. I guess we just have to pick up the pieces. And I don't know how to do that with D, I feel like he hates me. Yesterday before this happened, he told me "Just FYI, I am NEVER going to call you mom. Never, not ever even in the same sentence." I calmly said "Have we asked you to call me mom?" "No" "Okay then." and just moved on.

A large part of me feels like I should do something for her for mother's day and then the rest of me is saying "noooooo don't waste any more of your energy on this."


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