The latest
Thank you guys for all of your comments and insight. I just love getting little pieces of wisdom from lots and lots of people to help me to have a more well-rounded perspective. When I feel so overwhelmed with where we are and what we have facing us, it helps to know that I have the support of people who have been there and been through life circumstances that can offer their support and opinions. So, thank you for that! You all definitely made some great points that I had just not thought of.
I contacted an adoption attorney via email at about 10 p.m. last night, knowing I wouldn't hear back from her until today at the earliest. I gave her a few sentence summary of our case and asked if she could help us. About 15 minutes later I got an email back that said she would love to help, and asking me approximately 86 questions. OK maybe not that many. But I think she is going to be great to work with and I am thankful for the recommendation from our friends. I was up waaaay too late last night answering her questions but I just knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until it was done.
Then this morning after having some time to breath and process, I decided to just email CW, GAL, and our agency worker and let them know what had happened and that I was afraid we might not be able to come to an agreement with bio mom. That way they can be prepared if it has to go to court. I told them also what she was requesting; I wanted to get their perspectives. Both the GAL and the CW immediately responded and said "Just walk away, if it goes to termination that's fine. Sorry you couldn't come to an agreement." I also told them we got an attorney and they said that was good. So that makes me feel about 100 million times better about our position. The CW also said that bio mom is to never have unsupervised contact with the children so that is not even on the table. So yaaaay, one less decision we have to make. Although I think we had already made it, it will be nice to pass it off as the state's decision and not our decision.
Also, when I was on the phone with bio mom yesterday, she told me that D showed up at her house when he was supposed to be at school last week. Once a month his school gets out an hour and 20 minutes early, for like a teacher work time or something. It is kind of ridiculous IMHO. Anyway, D is supposed to go to an after-school program because his visit starts an hour and a half later, and basically if we picked him up we'd get home and then 5 minutes later the worker would get there to take him to the visit. So he's supposed to go the after school program until 3:00, then go to track practice, then walk to his mom's house because his brothers and sister will already be there along with the worker. So anyway, I guess he just skipped track practice and skipped the after school thing and went to his mom's.
And she never told anybody until yesterday. He has not mentioned it to us at all. I just don't see why she didn't immediately call me, or the transportation company, or whoever, and just say "hey, my kid showed up at my house, he is not supposed to be here yet, what am I supposed to do?" I told our agency worker about it and she kind of freaked out and said she has to report it to the CW. So I guess we will see what she has to say. At first I wasn't too worried about it but the more I think about it the more it could have just been really bad. I will be so glad when D is not going to school so close to his mom and we can put some distance in between us and her.
So I guess that's the latest for now. I am sure bio mom will be mad at me for telling about D showing up at her house, but honestly we just can't have that. 21 more days until school is out and next year he can go to a school which is 20 miles away from his mom's house, with a 97% graduation rate, and great teachers and a great environment. Yay!
I contacted an adoption attorney via email at about 10 p.m. last night, knowing I wouldn't hear back from her until today at the earliest. I gave her a few sentence summary of our case and asked if she could help us. About 15 minutes later I got an email back that said she would love to help, and asking me approximately 86 questions. OK maybe not that many. But I think she is going to be great to work with and I am thankful for the recommendation from our friends. I was up waaaay too late last night answering her questions but I just knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until it was done.
Then this morning after having some time to breath and process, I decided to just email CW, GAL, and our agency worker and let them know what had happened and that I was afraid we might not be able to come to an agreement with bio mom. That way they can be prepared if it has to go to court. I told them also what she was requesting; I wanted to get their perspectives. Both the GAL and the CW immediately responded and said "Just walk away, if it goes to termination that's fine. Sorry you couldn't come to an agreement." I also told them we got an attorney and they said that was good. So that makes me feel about 100 million times better about our position. The CW also said that bio mom is to never have unsupervised contact with the children so that is not even on the table. So yaaaay, one less decision we have to make. Although I think we had already made it, it will be nice to pass it off as the state's decision and not our decision.
Also, when I was on the phone with bio mom yesterday, she told me that D showed up at her house when he was supposed to be at school last week. Once a month his school gets out an hour and 20 minutes early, for like a teacher work time or something. It is kind of ridiculous IMHO. Anyway, D is supposed to go to an after-school program because his visit starts an hour and a half later, and basically if we picked him up we'd get home and then 5 minutes later the worker would get there to take him to the visit. So he's supposed to go the after school program until 3:00, then go to track practice, then walk to his mom's house because his brothers and sister will already be there along with the worker. So anyway, I guess he just skipped track practice and skipped the after school thing and went to his mom's.
And she never told anybody until yesterday. He has not mentioned it to us at all. I just don't see why she didn't immediately call me, or the transportation company, or whoever, and just say "hey, my kid showed up at my house, he is not supposed to be here yet, what am I supposed to do?" I told our agency worker about it and she kind of freaked out and said she has to report it to the CW. So I guess we will see what she has to say. At first I wasn't too worried about it but the more I think about it the more it could have just been really bad. I will be so glad when D is not going to school so close to his mom and we can put some distance in between us and her.
So I guess that's the latest for now. I am sure bio mom will be mad at me for telling about D showing up at her house, but honestly we just can't have that. 21 more days until school is out and next year he can go to a school which is 20 miles away from his mom's house, with a 97% graduation rate, and great teachers and a great environment. Yay!
Our kids had had no contact with their b-parents in years when we adopted them, but there had been some contact with some relatives. We didn't initially oppose ongoing contact, but didn't make any formal agreements with anyone. It was later, after we finalized, that our children felt safe enough to tell us how much they did not want any kind of contact with those people and why. I would go carefully and not make any agreements on which you might feel honor bound to follow through. You can always choose to do more, but it can be really hard to cut back because you may never hear the end of it from the bio family and to the extent that you do allow contact, your children will never hear the end of it. Our children began trusting us a lot more when we stopped contact their birth family. Before that, they didn't believe that we could really keep them safe.
ReplyDeleteWow! I'd freak out too! That's pretty serious. I'm glad he didn't get into any serious trouble. It will be interesting to see how he does in a great new school!
ReplyDelete