Burn out

I'm getting burned out. I know, I know, I've only been at this for...let's see...about 4 weeks? But I am tired. I think the fact that everyone is kind of sick is just making things that much more difficult. I'm getting fed up with D's attitude and disrespect, fed up with C's crying over nothing (yesterday was a REALLY bad day for him; but the day before he only had to go to his room once so that's good). I'm getting tired of being the center of the little boys' world, tired of being tugged on and clamored for every second of the day, tired of needing to have room for two children within two feet of me 90% of the time. I'm tired of getting up to a crying baby most days, tired of the ball and chain(s) keeping me in my home most the time. I'm tired of juggling a child that cannot walk and a child that refuses to go most places without pitching a fit and doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to get everyone from here to there in one piece.

All that to say, I get it. I get why a parent who doesn't need the money may want to go back to work. I get why a foster parent might choose to put a child in daycare for 11-12 hours per day. I get why moms sometimes freak out about stupid stuff, and why they look stressed in the grocery store. I get it that when kids cry, sometimes there is just nothing that you can do because you've already done everything you know how to do. Sometimes kids just cry and there is really not a lot you can do about it.

Went grocery shopping today, and C & Y were not real happy about it (see above about most of us in the house being sick). Our check out lady was SO nice and understanding and patient with me being totally frazzled and disorganized. I don't know what they're paying her, but she deserves a raise!

Hopefully the weekend of the 24th we are getting a respite from the kids. I feel a little guilty about it (I know, it's stupid) but I just keep telling myself that most people do not have three children thrust upon them at once...they get to add them slowly, one at a time, as they see fit. At any rate, we're not going anywhere for our respite, probably just going to lay low. Honestly I'm probably going to get some cleaning done, some of the stuff that is hard to get done during the day (like cleaning in the boys' room without kids underfoot, cleaning out the fridge, etc.). But I definitely hope to have some time to just lay low and relax a little bit.

Today I was trying to get the little boys fed and unload groceries at the same time, and D asked me if I could put the password into the computer for him (it's password protected so he can't use it unless we put the password in). I told him I was a little busy and he would have to wait, and he said "I thought you were supposed to be supermom?" or something like that. But it wasn't in a mean way, it was in a nice way, I think. So that kind of made me feel good. I also thought it was interesting that he didn't add "foster" before the mom, since he is normally so quick to point out that I am not his mom.

That's it. This was basically a pointless blog. Just needed to vent a little. :)

Comments

  1. Every mom needs to vent sometimes. You have a VERY, VERY hard job honey. Some days are harder than others, but truthfully, every day is hard. Is it rewarding? Yes. Is it fulfilling? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Is it worth it? YES, YES and YES. I so wish I lived closer so I could help you more often. I love those kids and it's so fun to spend time with them.

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