Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

In the past week, the kids have been getting in trouble. I swear, they are using all the creative juices in their brains to find new ways to do horrifying and hilarious things. We have several areas in our home where the drywall has been patched but not painted. So lots of it is covered by that dusty white stuff. The other day I caught Y LICKING it. I asked him to stop, turned around, and he was doing it again. In fact, a patch of it was soggy because he had licked it so much. Are you serious, guy? Does it really taste that good??? Then yesterday C was going to the bathroom, and it was taking forever. Finally I asked him to just be done. He said "There's poop on my butt!" and I said "Uh, you just said you didn't go to the bathroom." "Oh" SO I went down to help him, only to find him standing up and a giant brown spot on the rug. "If you have poop on your butt then don't get off the potty until your butt gets wiped! Look at the poop ...

Since my last post was rather blah, thought I'd say some funny things that have been happening. Our basement bathroom is sort of finished now, and I decided that D should have the responsibility of cleaning it. He is no longer walking the dogs, so his chores each day take about 10 minutes. He's 13, I think it's OK for him to have a little more responsibility! When I told him that that would be one of his Saturday chores each week, he immediately said "Why? The upstairs bathroom doesn't get cleaned that often!" My response was "Hmmmm...well, feel free to clean that bathroom too!" :) :) :) (what I did not say was "You're welcome for me cleaning the bathroom for you for the past two years you ungrateful little....!!!!!") Last night I was cutting strawberries (story of my life lately, by the way). C announced from the living room that I needed to come get my makeup on. Befuddled, I asked him why (I wear makeup maybe once a week, some...

C's poop medicine ran out on Friday. I never have had a problem getting it refilled, so I called the pharmacy thinking (naively) that I would just pick it up a few hours later, and he wouldn't miss a day in taking it. Well, they called his specialist doctor, and couldn't get a hold of her. Enter the weekend. Poop was still happening (YAY) although not as frequently.  Monday rolls around, still nothing back from the doctor. Tuesday I drive to the pharmacy thinking surely by now they've gotten it. They tell me "You are supposed to call the doctor." Um, OK, well thanks for letting me know. So I call her, and they call back and say "He is supposed to be off of his medicine by now." *forehead smack* Oh really, because I just really like giving it to him every single day for NO REASON. Oh wait, no, that's not it. So I explained to the person what happened when we tried to get him off of it, and how the doctor said to keep him on it and make a...

I suppose the most important thing is that it sounds like D moving is not as remote of a possibility as they have previously made it seem. The GAL has asked for a private meeting with D to talk to him. Of course he will say he wants to go to his godmother. I'm not sure what will happen after that, but bio mom's atty is pushing pretty hard to go ahead and start getting the godmother licensed and background checked and all that stuff. I have very mixed feelings. Ultimately I think we are the best placement - we have stability, he has a good father figure in my husband, we have been with him through the past 2 years. This person has been part of his life in the past, but not so much anymore. She is homosexual, so D will never have a real dad. I feel like he has years and years of seeing the "men" in his life do things like be physically abusive, be absent, be lazy, etc., he has a lot of catching up to learn what a real man is and how to be one. Plus we love him, I...

Bio mom bailed on relinquishing today. Her atty requested an extension for the TPR hearing, so it will now be held the last week of June. However, since she already said she was having the last visit, there are no more visits with her and she cannot go back on that (yay). Not sure what the full story is on the extension request, I think she wants to get D moved to his "godmother" and she is afraid she won't have any control once she relinquishes. Which is true. Bio dad still has visits (2 hours per week), but the CW said that if the kids don't want to go then I don't have to make them (YAY!). Y was a complete mess yesterday and did NOT want to go on the visit but I had to make him. I hate that. Nice to know I don't have to do that again. That's the main news I guess. Thought I'd update you if any of you are sitting on the edge of your seat or anything like that. :) More waiting. But that is the story of our lives.

I think D's birthday party went really, really well. We picked up him and one of his friends from school. Then the kids came home and made hand-print stepping stones for mother's day (just our kids, not D's friends). It was my idea but D said it was a good idea, so he did his own and then I helped the little kids do one. I should have had them do it yesterday but I just wasn't thinking. Miss M was NOT impressed at all with putting her hand in the cement, she grabbed it with her fist and then started screaming and brushing her hands together, flinging cement everywhere in the kitchen. Whoops! I repaired her print as best as I could and though it's not perfect, it was made by the kids and that is most important I think. They decorated them with glass rocks and stuff and they look really nice I think. Anyway. I spent the day getting ready for the party - I bought GOBS of food, including a birthday cake (which I usually make but just didn't have the time). I...

Got an email yesterday. I didn't get it until like 8 p.m. Basically bio mom decided that her last visit is going to be on Saturday. And she is going to relinquish on Wednesday. Saturday she was supposed to have a visit with D only for his birthday, so I think he was looking forward to that. So we were in the unenviable position to tell him what was going on last night. I bawled, and I've been crying this morning already. It makes me SO MAD. How could she do this with no warning whatsoever? This doesn't have to be the last visit, she just wants it to be for some reason. I think she wants to get it over with but in the process she is just hurting everyone. And the extra crappy thing about the timing of this is that D's 13th birthday party is tonight. He is having 3 friends over to spend the night, and camp in the yard, and we were going to set up camping games for them to play and have a cook out and a camp fire and s'mores and then go to a place where the...

OK I'm not really a farmer. But I guess I got the job! Grandma Farmer is going to hire a man to do the more manly type jobs. She seemed impressed with what I accomplished today (what can I say, I'm a hard worker!). I was paid in farm fresh eggs and some cashola. I got to pet some very pregnant goats, and hopefully next week when I go I will get to spend at least a moment or two cuddling a baby goat. Baaaaaahhhhhh! Also she has chickens (which I am kind of afraid of, I'm not gonna lie), a llama, and some horses. And a giant garden. Ok, maybe more like 15 different gardens. It's awesome. I was telling D about it today and he was acting like he was really excited, but then he just started laughing because he was making fun of me because I was so excited! Some people's kids. ;) She said I can bring the kids sometime to see the baby goats and all that so I think that would be amazingly fun. :) While chatting with Grandma (no I don't really call her Grandma, ...

Our CW and agency worker came over yesterday to have a chat with me about our contact agreement. CW said it was the most GENEROUS one she has ever seen. Apparently, bio mom's attorney is requesting a meeting with everyone to discuss this. Let me just say, I am NOT INTERESTED. Not interested in hearing anymore of what all these people have to say or any additional pressure on us to give more than we already are giving. None of these attorneys or even the caseworker or anybody has to deal with this for the next 18 years. Guess who does? Us! And the kids! And the bio mom! That's it! While CW and our agency worker were here there were also guys down in the basement laying a tile floor in the bathroom which is currently being remodeled. And of course the phone rang, and I figured I should answer it since the kids were on a visit, in case anything weird was happening. But guess who it was? Bio mom's attorney, inviting me to the meeting. I politely declined, and told he...

Saturday, C came home from the visit with a cell phone in hand. We didn't really think anything of it - the bio family goes through cell phones like water it seems, and is always giving the boys their old cell phones (batteries removed) for them to play with. C announced "My mommy gave me this phone!" D looked at it and said "Uh, no she didn't." Apparently, it was her actual, working phone that C had brought home from the visit. D tried to call a few people to tell them (his aunt and one of his mom's friends). He also has his own phone that is kept at his mom's house, but apparently she gave that to somebody to use, so he couldn't call it to talk to her. Then yesterday, bio mom called the transport company to ask them about the phone, and also called my husband's work number to ask him about it (she had to leave a message). We told the transport company we'd drop the phone off on the way to take D to school in the morning, or el...

Thank you guys for all of your comments and insight. I just love getting little pieces of wisdom from lots and lots of people to help me to have a more well-rounded perspective. When I feel so overwhelmed with where we are and what we have facing us, it helps to know that I have the support of people who have been there and been through life circumstances that can offer their support and opinions. So, thank you for that! You all definitely made some great points that I had just not thought of. I contacted an adoption attorney via email at about 10 p.m. last night, knowing I wouldn't hear back from her until today at the earliest. I gave her a few sentence summary of our case and asked if she could help us. About 15 minutes later I got an email back that said she would love to help, and asking me approximately 86 questions. OK maybe not that many. But I think she is going to be great to work with and I am thankful for the recommendation from our friends. I was up waaaay too l...

First, thanks to all of you for your very kind comments on my infertility post a few days ago. You guys are the best! Especially my mom and dad. :) :) :) Bio mom called me today to talk about the contact agreement. We talked for an hour and a half, for real. I felt a little caught off guard and also my husband was not there so it was a little awkward. I definitely won't make decisions on stuff like this without his input. We talked about a ton and a TON of things, but basically it boils down to a) she wants more than 2 visits a year, like "at least once a month", and b) she doesn't want us to supervise the visits. Oh and she wants us to have also visits with aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. So, you know, basically every other weekend we'd be having a visit with somebody. Not gonna happen. She thinks that if we supervise the visits that we will be sitting there judging her the whole time. Her reasoning was very convoluted and kind of hard for me to foll...

Miss M spent the night with us this weekend. I'm not gonna lie, we had some rough moments! She did NOT want to go to bed on Saturday. She kept throwing her pacifier out of her crib and then screaming. She is, erm, a little strong-willed. I got her pacifier for her a few times. As soon as either of us opened the door she immediately stopped crying. She finally fell asleep at about 10:00 p.m. after the final pacifier returning and me rubbing her back for a few minutes. Needless to say, on Sunday everyone was pretty tired. She took a three hour nap on Sunday and we finally woke her up because it was 4:30 and we wanted her to be able to sleep that night! She went to bed without one single peep on Sunday night though and slept a solid 11 hours. She is so much different than Y was at her age. He was mister laid back, for the most part. She knows sign language for "please" and several other things. But when she says "Milk" and I ask her to say please (that...