Tantrums and growing up

D came home from his Saturday visit looking, as my husband stated, "Like Dave Chappelle." He had on a wife beater, a "steel red" cap, and a big gaudy plastic rosary.

Is his family Catholic? No. Are we Catholic? No.

So why the rosary, you ask?

I have no idea.

I kind of feel like it's disrespectful to wear a symbolic religious item when you don't even know what it stands for or what it means, and when you honestly don't know anything about the religion itself. I talked to him about it a little bit, but only because he wanted to wear it to our (Christian) church on Sunday morning. I told him he can wear it on his own time but I would prefer if he didn't wear it to our church. He agreed to take it off which was good. I haven't seen it since.

All I could really remember about the rosary was that it was used to pray to Mary...which, no offense to any of my Catholic readers (if I even have any), we don't really believe in at all. And I pointed out to him that it showed Jesus on the cross dead, and we believe Jesus is alive and so the cross is empty.

Come to find out that D had uncles at the visit. The worker told us that his attitude and countenance changes around his uncles; he becomes all tough and aloof. I think he is following their example of "manhood" and wants to be a "man" like they are...

The possibility of him modeling his life after most of the members of his family kind of makes me feel a little bit sick.

It's like he is at this fork in the road, and if he goes home he will probably go one way, and if he stays here he will probably go the other way. He is a smart kid and he has a lot going for him, but all that can absolutely be worthless after a few bad choices.

So I guess we'll just have to pray hard for him, if he does go back. I already pray hard for him.

C has been having daily meltdowns. It's kinda crazy. The therapist emailed me with some ideas and thoughts, and a lot of it I already knew because I have read a TON of stuff about tantrums. Because, like, they were my LIFE for about 9 months or so. Now they are still part of my life but not to the same extent.

Anyway, so we have some new things to try, including a "transition object", which is an object that he can take with him to allll the different places he goes. I'm not real sure how it's going to work because he is not supposed to take toys to daycare, so I came up with a suggestion for that so we'll see what the therapist says. Also I realized that his schedule is different each and every day of the week. The only two days that are the same are Wednesdays and Thursdays. Every other day is different. So I thought maybe I can make a little schedule and take pictures of the places he will go, and then put them in the appropriate order each day to show what we will do. Then we can look at it in the morning or the night before and talk about where he will go in the morning. Not sure how it will work but it's worth a shot!

Y has said to me two different times "You Mama!" and I don't have the heart to correct him. It breaks my heart to hear him say it but it also feels kinda good. Because I AM Mama, for the most part. He has spent more time with me than with any other person on the planet, except for maybe his brother C. Crazy, huh? But I did not give birth and therefore I am not worthy of the title Mama at this time. I know this. I'm guessing he won't say it again though; just a phase! Kind of strange, though.

Comments

  1. Wow, there is a lot in this post. Praying for you guys and the boys tonight. I really believe that D's life is dramatically different now, even if he goes home and takes the fork in the road which is most likely living with his family. Regardless, he has seen, and I think now understands at least to a certain extent, that there IS another direction out there. How much he chooses to let that influence him is his choice now. It is still a huge advantage and blessing in his life to be exposed to your lifestyle and glimpse this other option available for him to choose now or to choose gradually years down the road.

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  2. *stepping on my Catholic soapbox*
    1) wearing a rosary is NOT acceptable, not even by Catholics! It's not jewelry! This makes me so mad when Catholics do it, let alone non-Catholics. So thank you for not letting him wear it!
    2) We don't pray to Mary like we do Jesus. We ask her to pray FOR us, just like if I were to ask you to pray for me :) (or as you are praying for D!)
    3) As far as crucifixes: As Paul said (1Corin. 1:23), he preaches Christ crucified, as it is His death that saved us. Although not all Catholics have/wear crucifixes, this is the explanation as to why we do have them (if you were interested :P) For some of us it helps to remind us of the sacrifice that was made for us.
    *stepping off soapbox*

    GREAT idea on explaining the day with C. I do it with Sam every night and morning (each day she goes to someone different) and it has helped a LOT with the crazy schedule that has suddenly become her life. It also helps me as I'll sometimes forget something and she'll remind me!

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  3. Thank you for your insight, Kim!

    He wore it to school today. I am really struggling with how to handle this. I think the main reason he is wearing it is because someone in his family gave it to him. And/or possibly because it will gain him some attention at school - I mean this thing is huge and very shiny! He likes shiny things.

    I feel bad banning him from wearing it since a family member gave it to him. But at the same time I feel it is really disrespectful to Catholics for him to just be wearing it for no reason and have no understanding of what it means. I sent an email to our support worker to see if she has any ideas on what we should do. I have also thought that maybe if we don't make a big deal over it then he will just stop wearing it after a few days. Or maybe if someone makes fun of him at school or something. I just don't know what to do. :(

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  4. I've heard the rosary being used as a gang symbol. Some schools have banned it as a result. Does his school allow it?

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  5. Wow I have never heard of that. I looked on his school's website and when I searched for rosary nothing came up. So from what I can tell it isn't banned, unless it is and they just don't have the info online. Part of me wishes that it was because it would make this whole thing much easier! :/

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  6. Kim, I was going to say the same thing about the Rosary! =) I'm converting to Catholicism and my cousin is helping me with that journey. (but I've also been told it MAY be worn BUT UNDERNEATH clothing not for show). Also, praying the rosary is actually a reflection on scripture. =) (something I didn't understand as a protestant)

    I'm not sure how you would go about not allowing him to wear it. Maybe have him put it up in his room if he's "hanging onto it" because a family member gave it to him. I would maybe try to explain to him that even Catholics are not to wear them as jewelry.

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