To go to court, or not to go?

Tomorrow is the first court date for the boys since they have been in our care. I am trying to decide if I should go.

Don't get me wrong, I want to go. I want to hear what is said, want to know what is decided, want to be available to answer any questions that come up. I have never been to court for a foster care case before so I don't really know what to expect.

The case worker said that I am "more than welcome to come" but that the boys' mom feels very threatened by me. So I'm wondering if I should skip it out of respect for her. I AM on her side; I want nothing more than for her to get her life straightened out and get her kids back. Obviously if she can NOT get her life straightened out then I would NOT want her to get her kids back because it would not be in their best interest. But as far as I'm concerned, I think it would be great if she could get everything done she needs to get done sooner rather than later.

So...I just don't know what to do. Of course what it REALLY depends on is if my husband is able to watch the little boys while I go, because we only have one friend that is approved to watch our kids and she is not able to do it. And I am certainly not going to take the little boys to court! Ha!

The latest and greatest is that the mom is asking us to pay for school pictures for D because she just doesn't have any money right now. So I guess we are going to get the cheapest package and give her a few pictures. I was concerned about how many we were supposed to buy because she has something like 16 brothers and sisters plus other family members, but our FSW said to just give her one or 2 pictures. So that's good, I really didn't want to have to spend $50 just to get her pictures.

Speaking of pictures, she wrote in the notebook that he was afraid to ask me to pay for them. Apparently he is afraid that I "always say no". Strangely enough I OFFERED to pay for them (since he told me about them while we were on the way to the school the very day pictures were being taken) and he said no, he'd just have his mom do it and he would get his picture taken again on re-take day. Humph.

Just a small vent: I am sick and tired of being the bad guy, the "weird" one, etc. D thinks we are totally strange because we keep the little boys on a normal schedule and don't allow them to stay up til all hours of the night and sleep in until 10 in the morning. He thinks it's weird that I don't cook breakfast every single if I don't have plenty to do in the morning as it is! He thinks it's weird that we actually cook meals instead of, you know, microwaving them. And now apparently I "always say no". Which yes I DO say no, which is a word I think these boys did not have in their vocabulary before they came. So maybe it does sound like I always say no. But no, I am not going to take you to McDonald's on the way to or from school - you can eat at home and I don't want to listen to C crying about not being able to have McDonald's. No, I am not going to give you money to buy extra food at lunch - you get a lunch, and if you want more than that then use your own money! That's what it's for! No, I am not going to take you to Menard's at like 8 at night when I'm really tired and just want to hang out at home and do some work for the business. No, you can not cook an entire pizza for second dinner at 9 p.m. but you are welcome to have leftovers or something else. No, you cannot stay at your friend's house during dinner because you're "not hungry", you need to come home and at least sit at the table with us. He talks about how "My mom fed me like 7 times a day when I was at home" but then he complains about the food we eat. When we are in public he says things like "You never feed me!" as if I am supposed to sit him down and spoon feed him. He eats pretty much whenever he wants here but it is just not enough. It's enough to drive me up the walls. And it does. UGH. I'm tired of the complaining. And now I will stop complaining because I'm sure you're tired of it too. :)


  1. For what it's worth, I think you should certainly attend the court hearing. I am filling out my paperwork (for babysitting the little ones) TODAY. Promise. I feel like such an ugly friend for letting it sit on my desk un-filled. Call me tonight. If the court date is at a reasonable time I can bring Levi over and watch all three of them while your husband is home working. That is both Legal, and productive for Brian. Let me know :-)

  2. I definitely think you should attend the court hearing. It may give you a different perspective?

  3. It probably wouldn't work, but I have heard of some family's having a complaint jar. Every time someone complains (whines) you have to put a quarter (dime or whatever) in the jar. Including the adults. It gets dicey where the line gets drawn between complaints and criticism. Also, if you have enough money you just complain all you want. Then ever so often the jar gets emptied for a good cause or maybe just ice cream for everyone. It is a good concept, but may not be feasible for your situation. I can just hear D saying " they made me pay them just to talk!"


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