The times, they are a-changing
Our FSW called us last night and told me a bunch of really crazy information:
* The baby is probably going to be born in the next 7 weeks. She did not say why; I assume there is some sort of complication with the pregnancy or perhaps they just miscalculated the due date originally.
* A Team Meeting has been scheduled, and I am not allowed to go at the bio mom's request. A team meeting is where all of the people involved in the case - therapists, case workers, teachers, attorneys, bio parents, foster parents, etc., get together to discuss things. You can bet I'd LOVE to go. We have never had a team meeting since we got the kids, and they are supposed to occur monthly. Bio mom has not been willing/able to set up a time when she could do it so that is why they have not occurred. I guess she doesn't want me to come because she is pretty private about her issues and whatnot. But the way I see it, we have a BIG stake in the outcome of this whole thing; it would be nice to be there so we could know what's going on! The FSW said she'd call me once it's over and let me know what happened but I know it won't be the same as if I was there.
* Bio-mom may have to enter in-patient treatment, which to me says that this case is going to be open for a long time.
Our friends that we hope can take the baby will probably not be able to get licensed in 7 weeks. Our licensing was "rushed" yet it still took 5 months to get it done. So...I emailed the FSW and caseworker and asked if we could provide emergency care for the baby once it is born to buy them some more time to get licensed. The way I see it, if everything is too hard with the baby, then we only committed to emergency placement so there will be no issues with anyone on the baby going somewhere else. And really there is no way to know how we will do until and unless we try it. I know this will mean that I will probably be homebound for a while, doing grocery shopping at night or during visits, making LOTS of make-ahead meals during the visits. Maybe even buying frozen dinners and eating those, or something like that. I am thinking if we do end up getting the baby we will send all the kids to respite for a few days so that I can kind of figure out what I'm doing, sleep while the baby sleeps, and not have to worry about taking care of other kids too. Plus I know I have friends and family that I could lean on if needed!
Yes I know, I'm a huge flake. The thought of this child going to daycare 12 hours a day (the way the two little boys did, before they came here) or something equally ridiculous just breaks my heart. There are totally some days where I think "You know, I think I could do a baby right now" but there are other days where I think "Oh dear, if I had a baby I don't know if I could have done it today". I know it depends on how the little boys react - are they going to be all clingy and ridiculous or are they going to be fascinated with the new baby and love her and understand when I have to take care of her? Is the baby going to be fussy and cry all the time, or is she going to be a drowsy love that is mostly content? Who knows. I did borrow a book from the library about babies and what to expect. Not that this is exactly a normal situation - having a baby that is not my own, goes and visits her mom (and maybe her dad!), not being able to make 100% of decisions that I think are best because I have no control over what occurs on visits. But, you know. Go with the flow I guess.
I was able to share the case plan with D. He read all of the things his mom needs to do and was like "oh, I already knew about most of those". Oh ok, mister "There are things my mom needs to do before I go home? Like WHAT????" Anyway, he didn't really have any reaction to it that I could see and didn't seem too bothered by anything in the plan.
The bio mom told D that she was going to work really hard to get all of the stuff done that she needs to get done so that the baby wouldn't be taken away. I thought that was really nice. It's kind of like "Yeah I know you three boys got taken away 5 months ago and I haven't been doing the stuff that I'm supposed to, but now that it's getting close for the baby to be born I'm going to start working hard for the baby!" She also told him that he could be going home in 2-3 months. Which to me that sounds totally inaccurate but again, what do I know.
* The baby is probably going to be born in the next 7 weeks. She did not say why; I assume there is some sort of complication with the pregnancy or perhaps they just miscalculated the due date originally.
* A Team Meeting has been scheduled, and I am not allowed to go at the bio mom's request. A team meeting is where all of the people involved in the case - therapists, case workers, teachers, attorneys, bio parents, foster parents, etc., get together to discuss things. You can bet I'd LOVE to go. We have never had a team meeting since we got the kids, and they are supposed to occur monthly. Bio mom has not been willing/able to set up a time when she could do it so that is why they have not occurred. I guess she doesn't want me to come because she is pretty private about her issues and whatnot. But the way I see it, we have a BIG stake in the outcome of this whole thing; it would be nice to be there so we could know what's going on! The FSW said she'd call me once it's over and let me know what happened but I know it won't be the same as if I was there.
* Bio-mom may have to enter in-patient treatment, which to me says that this case is going to be open for a long time.
Our friends that we hope can take the baby will probably not be able to get licensed in 7 weeks. Our licensing was "rushed" yet it still took 5 months to get it done. So...I emailed the FSW and caseworker and asked if we could provide emergency care for the baby once it is born to buy them some more time to get licensed. The way I see it, if everything is too hard with the baby, then we only committed to emergency placement so there will be no issues with anyone on the baby going somewhere else. And really there is no way to know how we will do until and unless we try it. I know this will mean that I will probably be homebound for a while, doing grocery shopping at night or during visits, making LOTS of make-ahead meals during the visits. Maybe even buying frozen dinners and eating those, or something like that. I am thinking if we do end up getting the baby we will send all the kids to respite for a few days so that I can kind of figure out what I'm doing, sleep while the baby sleeps, and not have to worry about taking care of other kids too. Plus I know I have friends and family that I could lean on if needed!
Yes I know, I'm a huge flake. The thought of this child going to daycare 12 hours a day (the way the two little boys did, before they came here) or something equally ridiculous just breaks my heart. There are totally some days where I think "You know, I think I could do a baby right now" but there are other days where I think "Oh dear, if I had a baby I don't know if I could have done it today". I know it depends on how the little boys react - are they going to be all clingy and ridiculous or are they going to be fascinated with the new baby and love her and understand when I have to take care of her? Is the baby going to be fussy and cry all the time, or is she going to be a drowsy love that is mostly content? Who knows. I did borrow a book from the library about babies and what to expect. Not that this is exactly a normal situation - having a baby that is not my own, goes and visits her mom (and maybe her dad!), not being able to make 100% of decisions that I think are best because I have no control over what occurs on visits. But, you know. Go with the flow I guess.
I was able to share the case plan with D. He read all of the things his mom needs to do and was like "oh, I already knew about most of those". Oh ok, mister "There are things my mom needs to do before I go home? Like WHAT????" Anyway, he didn't really have any reaction to it that I could see and didn't seem too bothered by anything in the plan.
The bio mom told D that she was going to work really hard to get all of the stuff done that she needs to get done so that the baby wouldn't be taken away. I thought that was really nice. It's kind of like "Yeah I know you three boys got taken away 5 months ago and I haven't been doing the stuff that I'm supposed to, but now that it's getting close for the baby to be born I'm going to start working hard for the baby!" She also told him that he could be going home in 2-3 months. Which to me that sounds totally inaccurate but again, what do I know.
Brynn, I know this decision must weigh heavily on your heart. Even the decision to provide emergency care must seem enormous. And you're right in saying that you can't possibly predict the temperament and neediness of the new baby.
ReplyDeleteWhat I can tell you (only from observing our playgroup friends) is that C & Y will both act a little out of sorts if the baby comes to live with them (for any length of time). They will want more attention. They will act out. They will push boundaries. But none of that is harmful to them, and none of that is harmful to their sister. Without a doubt, they will express in one way or another that they miss the level of attention they had before she came. And that will be true during visits with their mom as well.
When I see you interact with your two ankle-biters I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from calling you a saint (because I know when people have alluded to that in the past, it's bugged you) but suffice it to say, you're a great mom, to all four of your boys. And when baby sister comes along, whether she lives with you or not, you'll still be a great mom.
Umm... I don't know how I feel about you calling Brynn my mom. Just sayin'
ReplyDelete-Brian