Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

The other night, I went to bed kind of early because I was exhausted. D had a question about something or other and knocked on the door. I said "Come in" and he came in and saw that I was laying in bed reading my Bible, which I do pretty much every night. The conversation went something like this: "You're reading???!!!!" "Yes" "What are you reading?" "My Bible" "Why?" "I read it every night! Now what do you want? Sheesh!" So last night he was on his iPod and it was 9:30, and I was again going to bed early (tired again, imagine that!) and the conversation went like this: "Goodnight, I'm going to bed! You should probably go to bed too since it's 9:30" "You're not going to go to bed! You're going to go read your Bible!" "Okay, I'm going to go get in bed, read my Bible, and then go to sleep. Sheesh!" "Well can I do the same?" Whaaaaa? Of course I said YE...

Welp, bio mom did not show for her visit today. The worker came and picked up the kids, took them to her house, and waited for 15 minutes...but she never came. They couldn't reach her by phone, either. C got back here and cried pretty much non-stop until I put him to bed at 12:30 for a nap (a VERY EARLY nap). I feel so, so badly for him. I held him for probably 20 minutes and he wanted me to keep holding him but I just can't hold him 24/7 when I have a baby to take care of too and plus it's lunch time. I sent an email to our case worker because it just really ticks me off that the mom would just not show up. I think C is really confused and sad and has no idea what the heck is going on with his life and I don't know that I can even explain it to him, or that anyone could for that matter. He's just a little kid. UGH. Speaking of UGH, bio mom asked me yesterday via our notebook if I can "make sure to put shorts or pants on Y." I sent him on his visit i...

"C, are you pooping? Do NOT poop in the bathtub!" is said on an almost nightly basis. Two nights ago, this was followed by "Aaaannndddd...yes, he did poop in the bathtub. Dang." Something about the bathtub just makes him want to poop, I think! "Do NOT put your hands in your diaper!" (said by my husband, after he paid D $1 to change C's poopy diaper) "Um, does C have poop on his hands? They smell like poop! Go wash his hands. That's part of your $1." "Your MOM!" as a stupid insult to our oldest foster son (he thinks it's hilarious). Conversations that go like this: "I Hungeeeeeee" "Okay, let's get in your chair and we'll have a snack" "I want pizzaaaaaaaaa" "Sorry, we don't have any pizza! Do you want-" "WAAAAAHHHHH" ensuing temper tantrum While reading a book to C: "Follow the yellow, the red and the blue, follow the old..." "I poo poo!" ...

This week I... ...Did NOT ignore D's request to give him one of the backs to my earrings so that he could start wearing his earring (which currently has no back). No, as I have previously said, I believe it is very important for children to be able to express themselves through the clothes that they wear and the accessories they choose. ...Did not frustratedly tell our 13 month old to "Get a life!" when he reached for me asking me to pick him up for the millionth time in the past few days. No I am much more compassionate and patient than that. I love it when he cries every time I walk out of his sight for 30 seconds or clings to me when I try to put him down to accomplish something. ...Did not tell my 2 year old tantrum thrower "You need to stop crying!" multiple times over the past few days. Oh no, I am much more patient than that, as I have previously stated. ...Did not laugh even once when said 2 year old tantrum thrower became a total drama queen when he ...

No, they did not go to a new foster home. They are at respite for the night! In case you don't know, respite is basically like baby-sitting, only it can be for several days at a time. Folks sign up and get background checks so they can be approved to provide respite care. We actually did respite care for a while before we decided to take the leap and become foster parents. We have some friends that are approved, so they agreed to watch the boys for us tonight. So anyway...we are kid-free for the night and for most of the day tomorrow. It's exciting! Kind of sad though. The house is so quiet! Of course it would normally be quiet at 10:40 p.m. on any night, but you know what I mean! Husband and I went on a date tonight. It was quite lovely. Want to know what we talked about? The kids! Isn't that so funny? I was just thinking, these kids might not be with us in a year. It's so strange to think about that. But my husband also pointed out, they might still be ...

Do kids ever learn to start liking naps? I personally LOVE naps. I mean you'd think that when they sleep for TWO HOURS at nap time they would realize hey, this is good for me, I should probably stop screeching and just close my little eyes and go to sleep. Okay that might be expecting a bit much from a 2 year old. :) Y randomly woke up last night at something like 5:45, crying for who knows what reason. I went in there and got him, and C was all "I want to get up!" and I told him no (he normally doesn't get up until 7, sometimes even as late as 8!). So he started screaming. Then I went to make Y a bottle to put him back to bed and C started screaming even more! I got back in there and said "You need to obey me and go back to bed! It's too early to get up!" and he did. Ha ha ha ha ha! Kids are so hilarious. It really makes me wish we had a four bedroom house so they could all have their own room. Meh! Today has not been a bad day for tantrums. ...

I am very, very tired of 2-year-old tantrums. Tantrums over not being able to play with the lap top, tantrums over having to change a diaper or a shirt, tantrums over having to wait 5 minutes for dinner, tantrums over not being able to ride the bike right at this very moment, tantrums over EVERYTHING. I bet I took C to his room 20 times today for having tantrums. I am not even exaggerating. He had three tantrums at Y's one-year check up alone. It was a bad day today. Apparently at his mom's house on their visit today he actually threw his pizza on the floor. He LOVES pizza. He must've been having a hard time there too. So anyway, I get why parents give in. It wears you down, man! Back and forth, back and forth, saying the same dang thing over and over again. Plus I have some self-doubt...I mean, maybe he can't understand everything I'm trying to tell him. But then I think hey, we've done this 20 times today....surely he MUST get it by now. I think once...

I decided that I am going to attempt to wean Y from going to bed with a bottle. Apparently that is what he is used to and I haven't had the heart to break him of it yet. He uses his empty bottle like a pacifier in the night, finding it and sucking on it. Last night our dear friend Bryan came over and put our crib together, so now instead of the pack-n-play (which apparently Y has slept in for quite a while) he has a "real" crib. I figured that maybe with the change it was a good time to change some other things too. So last night he went down sans bottle and stayed down...except when C fell out of his bed and screamed, and the whole house woke up. Currently he is trying to fall asleep for a nap..sans bottle...and crying. And sadly I cannot find our pacifiers. Oh, the horror. Those dang things get lost so easily. We only had 2 to begin with so I guess it could be worse. Those two lasted us a month, that's not too bad...right? I have realized how important it is...

I always knew that I would attach to whatever kids we fostered. I envisioned a relationship where I most likely cared for them more than they cared for me, where they loved their parents, where they eventually returned to their (rehabilitated and newly wonderful) parents and forgot about me shortly thereafter. Painful for me, happy for them, best for the kids, the whole works. Oh sure, I have/had hopes of adopting eventually but I know that the ultimate goal is to return kids to their parents. This, I believe, is as it should be, AS LONG AS it is in the children's best interest. I never expected all of the anger that I would feel. I believe much of this anger comes as a result of knowing the kids. When I was on the Foster Care Review Board I read about bad situations all the time. And yes, it made me mad. But now that I know these kids, when their mom does those things it makes me REALLY mad. I think for some reason I could kind of justify it before...like maybe those other ...

I can't remember if I've talked about this yet, but I have started a journal going back and forth with the boys mom. I send it with them when they go to visit her, and she writes in it and sends it back with them. Most recently, she wrote in it (on Saturday) "The two little boys had runny noses on their visit." It made me laugh so HARD! Really? They had runny noses? I wasn't aware...it's just that I've been so busy wiping their noses every thirty minutes for the last three days, I just didn't realize they were runny! Oh, wait... She also said "D is not to have coffee anymore. I don't agree with that." It just gets under my skin...first of all it's not her decision because she has no rights right now...second of all, she could have asked nicer. Maybe I'm just reading into it a little too much. Personally I am willing to accommodate her request and it's not that big of a deal. But geesh, some politeness would be appreci...

...that after a good night of sleep, a few hours of the boys being gone on a visit, and getting mostly over my cold, that I am feeling MUCH more positive and happy about life. I had some good times with both of the little boys today (each while the other was sleeping) and watched a movie with D which I think he really wanted me to watch with him for some reason. :)

I'm getting burned out. I know, I know, I've only been at this for...let's see...about 4 weeks? But I am tired. I think the fact that everyone is kind of sick is just making things that much more difficult. I'm getting fed up with D's attitude and disrespect, fed up with C's crying over nothing (yesterday was a REALLY bad day for him; but the day before he only had to go to his room once so that's good). I'm getting tired of being the center of the little boys' world, tired of being tugged on and clamored for every second of the day, tired of needing to have room for two children within two feet of me 90% of the time. I'm tired of getting up to a crying baby most days, tired of the ball and chain(s) keeping me in my home most the time. I'm tired of juggling a child that cannot walk and a child that refuses to go most places without pitching a fit and doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how to get everyone from here to there in o...

I only have a few minutes before the boys get back from their visit with their mom, so here goes! C ended up pooping, so I am thankful for that. I was really getting worried. I am attempting to add more fiber to his diet. He is eating really well and seems like he feels good. Yesterday C only had to go to his room for throwing a fit one time, which is really good! I was super proud of him. I am exhausted. I am really hoping both of the boys nap today so that I can nap too. Getting up for a 4 mile run at 5:30 a.m. seemed very ambitious and do-able this morning, but maybe not so much for me at this point in my life. Sometimes I look around and think "I can't believe I'm really doing this". Raising 3 kids, that is. And note to self - elementary age kids are 80 million times easier than little kids. It seems like C does not want to go on visits with his mom. He freaks out when the visitation worker gets here. Yesterday the worker that brought him to the door almo...

OK I need opinions/advice. C is having a poop problem. Like...he arrived on the 1st, and it is now the 4th, and today was the first time he actually pooped. It really was barely poop. He had three or so dirty diapers today, but two of them were just kind of like dirty streaks in his diaper, not anything solid or anything. He seemed like he was having a tough time pooping and at one point he started to cry and I'm pretty sure it was because of his poop, though honestly it could've been because of anything because let's face it, the kid cries at least 10-15 times a day (like throwing himself on the floor temper tantrum style crying). So...thoughts? Just try to get him to eat more fresh veggies for a fiber deficiency? Or something else? He doesn't have any known food allergies. I read that a lot of dairy can constipate kids, but really he only eats milk with his breakfast and then maybe some string cheese during the day. He drinks a decent amount of water I think...

...and we have successfully gotten them to bed two nights in a row. Well, the little ones. D never has a problem with bed time. :o) And I guess technically last night we had FOUR kids. Ha! I was afraid that having C & Y share a room was going to be a problem - Y's bedtime is 7-7:30-ish and Y's is 8-8:30-ish. At nap time I can never put them down in the same room because they have a wailing/screaming/crying contest (so C takes naps in D's room). But so far bed time has gone well. I've been doing bedtime by myself so far. Giving two little kids baths at the same times is a lesson in carefulness and patience, let me tell you! But Y actually has FUN in the bathtub now that he is taking a bath with C...he used to just cry and try to climb out the whole time. So that actually does make it better. They splash around and dump water on each other and have a grand old time. :) My bed time strategy - Get bottle ready, pajamas and diapers for both boys laid out. Go st...