Rules, and other things
When D moved in, he brought with him his own personal TV, an iPod Touch (which has internet capabilities), and movies. Apparently he has a cell phone as well though I have yet to see it.
If this was our flesh and blood kid, let me tell you - there is NO WAY he would have his own personal TV, or an iPod that can get on the internet. And he would not have movies in his room. No way, no how. Once a kid gets a TV in his room he can watch anything and you have no idea what he's watching. Once a kid gets internet in his room...well it takes about half a second to think of the things they could be, and probably are, doing. And it's not just the issue of porn or other nasty things (even though I think that's a huge deal). There is the whole issue of chatting with strangers, child predators, etc. It is dangerous, period.
I am really struggling with how this ought to be handled. My initial thought is that well, we should have the same rules we would for our kids. But then my second thought is that these are his personal belongings, I can't exactly take them away or force him to keep them in the basement...can I? I mean, his mom obviously thinks it's OK for him to have them. Of course, she also thinks it's OK to watch Taladega Nights (rated PG-13) with her 1, 2 and 11 year old, which I would never do. I wouldn't even watch that movie, and I'm an adult! Not because it doesn't look funny but because it looks raunchy. Not anything against her; I think each person should kind of be allowed to raise their children as they see fit as long as they are not in danger and are cared for. It's just hard to find that line between doing what's best for the child and doing what their mom would do. Buh.
D got in trouble big time today. Why? Because he wouldn't put on his shoes when I asked him to...and asked him to...and asked him to..... Every time I'd ask him, we'd add another punishment on. I asked him at least 6 times. His response was that he was "tired" which that just makes me laugh so hard. Tired, my foot! So he has no computer privileges for the next 3 days, and he had to go to bed when we got home (an hour and a half earlier than usual!). He was also not going to get to go to his camp tomorrow, but that is kind of a punishment for him and me both so we decided he can go but we did let him know that in the future we will take it away if he does not obey. He pouted quite a while tonight but oh well, what are you gonna do. This is the first time we'd really had to punish him, so hopefully now he sees that we mean business and we won't have to do this too much in the future.
Little C did really well today. He is a precious child. I think my heart goes out to him the most. He cries an awful lot. But he is two years old, separated from his mom and his siblings, in daycare for 12 hours a day - how terrible is that? I'm sure I'd cry a lot too. :( I was able to get him to pet one of our cats and one of our dogs today - previously he would scream if they were even on the other side of the room from him. So that was one small victory. Also today at church he wanted me to hold him instead of D holding him - if that doesn't make you feel good, I don't know what will! :) I was able to get him to smile quite a bit today. He just seems like he needs a lot of hugs and love and cuddles and my heart just hurts for him so much. It looks like we are tentatively looking at having him placed with us July 1. I can't imagine having two children that can't walk, but C being able to walk makes a huge difference. He listened to me really well when I asked him to come with me places around the house, or if I asked him to stop doing something. C is WAY easier than Y, despite all of the crying C does. He is old enough to help put toys away, help get his clothes on and off, and follow simple instructions. However, his path of destruction is much greater - I found toys all over the house whereas previously they had basically been confined to the living room. :o)
Y discovered that he can fit between the couch and the wall today. It's like a really long tunnel and oh, so much fun! So now we have pillows stuffed back there...I wonder how long before he figures out that he can move them? Oh and the couches won't go back further - the backs are slanted back, so the top is pressed against the wall but the bottom is probably a good 18 inches away from the wall. Rats.
Bonus - I went to Super Saver the other day and noticed that their grocery carts have TWO places for kids to sit. That was one of the things I was concerned about, what would I do with two little kids while grocery shopping? Now I don't have to worry about it quite as much. :p
If this was our flesh and blood kid, let me tell you - there is NO WAY he would have his own personal TV, or an iPod that can get on the internet. And he would not have movies in his room. No way, no how. Once a kid gets a TV in his room he can watch anything and you have no idea what he's watching. Once a kid gets internet in his room...well it takes about half a second to think of the things they could be, and probably are, doing. And it's not just the issue of porn or other nasty things (even though I think that's a huge deal). There is the whole issue of chatting with strangers, child predators, etc. It is dangerous, period.
I am really struggling with how this ought to be handled. My initial thought is that well, we should have the same rules we would for our kids. But then my second thought is that these are his personal belongings, I can't exactly take them away or force him to keep them in the basement...can I? I mean, his mom obviously thinks it's OK for him to have them. Of course, she also thinks it's OK to watch Taladega Nights (rated PG-13) with her 1, 2 and 11 year old, which I would never do. I wouldn't even watch that movie, and I'm an adult! Not because it doesn't look funny but because it looks raunchy. Not anything against her; I think each person should kind of be allowed to raise their children as they see fit as long as they are not in danger and are cared for. It's just hard to find that line between doing what's best for the child and doing what their mom would do. Buh.
D got in trouble big time today. Why? Because he wouldn't put on his shoes when I asked him to...and asked him to...and asked him to..... Every time I'd ask him, we'd add another punishment on. I asked him at least 6 times. His response was that he was "tired" which that just makes me laugh so hard. Tired, my foot! So he has no computer privileges for the next 3 days, and he had to go to bed when we got home (an hour and a half earlier than usual!). He was also not going to get to go to his camp tomorrow, but that is kind of a punishment for him and me both so we decided he can go but we did let him know that in the future we will take it away if he does not obey. He pouted quite a while tonight but oh well, what are you gonna do. This is the first time we'd really had to punish him, so hopefully now he sees that we mean business and we won't have to do this too much in the future.
Little C did really well today. He is a precious child. I think my heart goes out to him the most. He cries an awful lot. But he is two years old, separated from his mom and his siblings, in daycare for 12 hours a day - how terrible is that? I'm sure I'd cry a lot too. :( I was able to get him to pet one of our cats and one of our dogs today - previously he would scream if they were even on the other side of the room from him. So that was one small victory. Also today at church he wanted me to hold him instead of D holding him - if that doesn't make you feel good, I don't know what will! :) I was able to get him to smile quite a bit today. He just seems like he needs a lot of hugs and love and cuddles and my heart just hurts for him so much. It looks like we are tentatively looking at having him placed with us July 1. I can't imagine having two children that can't walk, but C being able to walk makes a huge difference. He listened to me really well when I asked him to come with me places around the house, or if I asked him to stop doing something. C is WAY easier than Y, despite all of the crying C does. He is old enough to help put toys away, help get his clothes on and off, and follow simple instructions. However, his path of destruction is much greater - I found toys all over the house whereas previously they had basically been confined to the living room. :o)
Y discovered that he can fit between the couch and the wall today. It's like a really long tunnel and oh, so much fun! So now we have pillows stuffed back there...I wonder how long before he figures out that he can move them? Oh and the couches won't go back further - the backs are slanted back, so the top is pressed against the wall but the bottom is probably a good 18 inches away from the wall. Rats.
Bonus - I went to Super Saver the other day and noticed that their grocery carts have TWO places for kids to sit. That was one of the things I was concerned about, what would I do with two little kids while grocery shopping? Now I don't have to worry about it quite as much. :p
I like this post. and I LOVED having you guys over yesterday. Keep blogging!
ReplyDeleteHI! I am only familiar with your blog through Melissa..... and I hate to offer unsolicited advice... but I have response to your issue with all the iPod, TV, issue stuff!
ReplyDeleteI am a teacher who has had foster kids in my classroom. One day a 2nd grader brought this OVERLY stuffed backpack with him to school. I stopped him and said, "honey, you know you're supposed to leave all your toys and things at home.... if your backpack won't fit in your locker, there's no way to keep it safe." He looked at me with this sad eyes and said, "But all of my stuff is in there... I'm in a foster home and I never know where I'm going at the end of the day. I sometimes don't return to the same home.... and I don't want to lose all my stuff. It's all I have so I take it with me wherever I go." Well- that was enough to break my heart! And, I immediately helped him put his huge backpack on top of the lockers. To think that everything he owned would fit in a backpack!
Anyway. I guess what I'm getting at, is that your kiddo may have more than some do.... but it probably seems to him that "that's all I have-- don't take it away!" It's one place in his life where he can feel in control. So, what I would do if I were you (and here's where the unsolicited advice comes in....) is have him keep it in a safe place and get it out at specific times of the day to use, or something like that. Restrict it's use-- it is your house-- but I wouldn't tell him to store it in the basement. Just something I thought of while reading!
Sounds like you are doing great with these boys! I'm very thankful for people like you who step up and take care of the children who need it most! :) Thanks!
Husband here,
ReplyDeleteThe TV thing is a non-issue. With the digital change-over his TV can't receive any OTA signal. There's no Coax connection in his room so our satellite subscription is out the door. And he has a VCR and some videos, but the way the outlets in his room are wired require that the light switch be flipped on so he'd have to watch TV with the light on if he were to try to sneak it while we were in bed - a fruitless endeavor. The good thing is he doesn't seem like a sneaky type and he really would rather be hanging out with us than in his room so I'm fine with the TV being in there since it's never been used since he moved in. The iPod on the other hand... oy gefilte fish!