I have a screaming baby

And I don't like it at all.

He is screaming so loud, and he is so MAD, that I think he might actually make himself vomit. That's what it sounds like.

It's 7:22, which is right around the usual time he makes it to bed. Last night he was up until 9 p.m. We went to see my family, and I thought that, since 90% of the time that we are in the car this kid sleeps, that he could just sleep on the 1.5 hour drive home. Did he? No. He sat awake, talking to himself, playing with toys, etc. So I put him to bed when we got home, and he went to sleep OK (but again, 2+ hours later than usual!). Today I thought well, he should sleep in late because he went to bed so late. Wrong, he got up at the usual time. So at nap time I thought well, he will take a long nap. Wrong. He took a 30 minute nap in the morning and a 1 hour nap in the afternoon.

Then he goes to visit with his mom, and false asleep on the car ride home...so he arrived at our house at 6:15 p.m. asleep. And now he is screaming because he does not want to go to bed. Very frustrating. I wish the visits on Saturday could be at the same time they are during the week (i.e., in the morning). That would at least give us some semblance of normality. I really hope he falls asleep soon. I feel like a terrible human being right now. He has been screaming for 30 minutes and counting (though I did go in there once to check on him and changed his dirty diaper - but at this point he has no excuse!).

Completely different subject - Everyone always comments on how cute Y is. Which I agree, he is pretty cute. But I feel strange saying "Thanks!" Like...this is not my kid, I had nothing to do with his cuteness. And sometimes strangers reference me as "Mom" which, again, I am not his mom. It's just strange. I'm sure that's normal for people to assume these things. I mean I think it's pretty obvious he is not our biological child (he is a completely different race), but people probably think we adopted him. At church the other day one of the workers thought that this black man was my husband, and a different one referenced me as "Mom" when both C and Y were wanting me to be held by me at the same time. It's just awkward, all around. I feel especially awkward when D is around. I don't want him to think I'm trying to be his mom, because I'm totally not.

I also don't want to have to say "Oh, these are my foster kids". For some reason it almost feels to me like I'm putting myself up on a pedestal, because people are always like "oh that's so cool, you are awesome" blah blah blah and I really hate that. I am doing this because I WANT to, because I feel like God wants me to. I WANT to do this, it's not some huge sacrifice or something like that. I mean I'm not saying it's easy by any means. But I love it, really. People don't give you props for being an accountant, or a truck driver...why should they give you props for being a foster parent?

I'm thinking more and more about taking the baby once it's born in November. I don't know if I will be able to. I mean it's obviously possible. I'm thinking if we did that, I'd have to put C & Y into part time daycare. I just don't know if I could do it. We have some time before we have to decide but I hate not knowing!

In other news, we have started looking at vans. Yay! It makes me excited.

7:43 and he has stopped screaming. Whew. Thank goodness! Now stay asleep, baby!


  1. Brynn - I cannot COUNT the times I've sat down here listening to Levi scream over the monitor. Every baby is very different, but I can tell when mine is "over tired" and crying is the only way he'll go to sleep.

    Trust your gut. Your mommy gut will tell you if something is legitimately wrong with him. I know, you aren't his mommy, but your instinct is fully intact, trust me.

    As for people assuming you're the kids' mom, (and you know this comes from someone who has zero experience with your situation) I'd say, have a talk with D about that. You know he's gonna hear it, why not ask him how he'd like you to respond? If it were me, and someone I didn't know referred to me as their mom, I'd probably just smile and be courteous instead of correcting them.

    Y is adorable. So is C. And in a Tween way, so is D. And although you had nothing to do with their biological adorableness it will be very little time before you have a GREAT big deal to do with the little personalities that blossom more each day.


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