News
CW lady came over today. And boy, was I surprised by what she had to say!
First I should tell you that bio mom has ended two of the last three visits early (incidentally, both were visits where all 4 kids were present). She hasn't written to me in our communication log for a week. Last Saturday she had all the kids for 8 hours to make up for a missed visit, and she couldn't get the little boys to take a nap and they were, of course, not the most pleasant children to deal with the rest of the evening, thus the visit ending early.
She also texted me today and told me that she is still having control issues with D and that she kind of doesn't know what to do with him! Kind of scary since he spends the entire weekend there.
CW lady said that it is becoming more apparent that bio mom simply can't handle all 4 kids at once. She only has ALL of them 8 hours per week. She said that, by her understanding, D is taking care of M during the night on the 2 nights when they spend the night there together, and that he also appears to be taking care of M when she wakes up because bio mom is still sleeping.
So the plan at this point is to increase her Saturday visit, give her all 4 kids for 8 hours on Saturday, and let her sink or swim. They are also going to order her to have a family support worker at at least some of the visits to teach her how to discipline and all that. They have offered her this service, which she has declined, but are going to court order it so she has to do it.
So I guess at this point they are no longer talking about D moving home anytime soon, and definitely not starting overnights with the little boys anytime soon either.
And CW lady also said they could reunify D and not the other three. That would be really difficult for all of us...but maybe that's what's best. I don't know. I could definitely see some benefits to it but the cost would be high as well, breaking up a family. :(
So basically bio mom is getting more time to get her act together. She was accepted into the drug court program about 9 months ago as a last-ditch effort to avoid termination of rights. It's an 18 month program. So one way or another this thing should be ended by...I don't know, next Christmas??? Once again, this thing is d.r.a.g.g.i.n.g.
I'm not really sure how I feel about all this yet. My husband told me today "I think it would be really cool if we could adopt the little boys!" That's the first time he's ever really said something like that and it melted my little heart. :) But I know at this point anything could still happen. *sigh* Either way it will be hard. I feel like bio mom feels like she can confide in me and talk to me and that will possibly make it even harder. One thing that I am fixated on, which is probably the least important thing, is if the boys would start calling me mom or not? And how do you have that conversation, you know? Like "Oh yeah, you've been calling me my first name for the last 2 years, but by the way your mom isn't your mom anymore and I'm your new mom!" Really? How does that even work?
It's 4 a.m., I've been up for an hour, and I am starving! Time for some munchies I guess, then I am going to TRY to go back to sleep. I know for a fact that 4 hours of sleep is not enough for this girl!
First I should tell you that bio mom has ended two of the last three visits early (incidentally, both were visits where all 4 kids were present). She hasn't written to me in our communication log for a week. Last Saturday she had all the kids for 8 hours to make up for a missed visit, and she couldn't get the little boys to take a nap and they were, of course, not the most pleasant children to deal with the rest of the evening, thus the visit ending early.
She also texted me today and told me that she is still having control issues with D and that she kind of doesn't know what to do with him! Kind of scary since he spends the entire weekend there.
CW lady said that it is becoming more apparent that bio mom simply can't handle all 4 kids at once. She only has ALL of them 8 hours per week. She said that, by her understanding, D is taking care of M during the night on the 2 nights when they spend the night there together, and that he also appears to be taking care of M when she wakes up because bio mom is still sleeping.
So the plan at this point is to increase her Saturday visit, give her all 4 kids for 8 hours on Saturday, and let her sink or swim. They are also going to order her to have a family support worker at at least some of the visits to teach her how to discipline and all that. They have offered her this service, which she has declined, but are going to court order it so she has to do it.
So I guess at this point they are no longer talking about D moving home anytime soon, and definitely not starting overnights with the little boys anytime soon either.
And CW lady also said they could reunify D and not the other three. That would be really difficult for all of us...but maybe that's what's best. I don't know. I could definitely see some benefits to it but the cost would be high as well, breaking up a family. :(
So basically bio mom is getting more time to get her act together. She was accepted into the drug court program about 9 months ago as a last-ditch effort to avoid termination of rights. It's an 18 month program. So one way or another this thing should be ended by...I don't know, next Christmas??? Once again, this thing is d.r.a.g.g.i.n.g.
I'm not really sure how I feel about all this yet. My husband told me today "I think it would be really cool if we could adopt the little boys!" That's the first time he's ever really said something like that and it melted my little heart. :) But I know at this point anything could still happen. *sigh* Either way it will be hard. I feel like bio mom feels like she can confide in me and talk to me and that will possibly make it even harder. One thing that I am fixated on, which is probably the least important thing, is if the boys would start calling me mom or not? And how do you have that conversation, you know? Like "Oh yeah, you've been calling me my first name for the last 2 years, but by the way your mom isn't your mom anymore and I'm your new mom!" Really? How does that even work?
It's 4 a.m., I've been up for an hour, and I am starving! Time for some munchies I guess, then I am going to TRY to go back to sleep. I know for a fact that 4 hours of sleep is not enough for this girl!
wow, they are really dragging this out. i hope everything come to a head soon!
ReplyDeleteEven though this is dragging, the consistency of care you're giving the kids is going to be the glue that holds them together, regardless of outcome.
ReplyDeleteAs for how to transition if you were to become their adoptive mother - sometimes we adults overthinking things... and being called Mom is something we women like to hear, maybe even before the kids are ready. In our case, it just sort of happened - our daughter threw it into a sentence and it was never really discussed formally. She was 10, and needed my attention at an event, so she shouted "Mommy..." and there it was. So don't stress over the how, when, where of the name change and keep doing what you're doing which is showing them what a real Mom is :)
Thank you! It's nice to hear from someone who has been there/done that. :)
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