Tattletale!
Well tonight D finally snapped and called our family support specialist and asked for a new placement. Apparently we have too many rules, such as "be on time", "be quiet during nap time", "eat your vegetables", and "brush your teeth before bed and in the morning". We are, quite obviously, highly unreasonable people.
This is what happened. D is always late. You can pretty much set your clock by the fact that he is going to be at least 2-3 minutes late. If you tell him to be home at 8, he will be home at 8:02. If his bed time is 9:30, he will go to bed at 9:35. Saturday I asked him to be home at 2:15 so he would be back in time to go on the visit with his mom, which starts at 3 and he gets picked up at 2:30. Apparently for some completely strange reason he thought I said 2:50. So at 2:45 I was frantically trying to find him. Anyway we made his bed time a half an hour earlier that night, and we also told him that if he was late again for check in (he checks in every hour if he is running around the neighborhood), for bed time, or for getting home time then his bed time would be a half hour earlier for a week. Well wouldn't you know it, that night he got home late! So we told him his bed time was a half an hour earlier for a week. He was not happy but hey, being a parent doesn't mean making your kids happy all the time.
So tonight I reminded him 8 minutes before he needed to be in bed that he needed to make sure he had time to do everything before getting in bed. He was reading...and kept on reading. Finally at his bed time he simply went in his room and shut the door - no teeth brushing! So we told him he needed to brush his teeth and he said no. So we said well...if you aren't going to do it then there will be a punishment! And he totally flipped. He called his FSS to ask for a new placement! Not sure what was said, though I expect we will be getting a phone call tomorrow. He has said several times "I'm going to call Jennifer!" like I should be afraid or something...which I'm totally not. I'm not saying I am perfect, I have definitely done some things I'm not proud of as I'm learning to parent, such as losing my temper and raising my voice, etc. But I have never lost control of myself to where I endangered any one else's safety or their lives and I try to treat these kids like I would hope I would treat my own. So I'm not afraid of anything he has to say to anybody about the things we've done. Both of the little boys have flourished under our care. D I am not so sure about, I think he has a lot of conflicting feelings right now and I really wish he would let us help him.
At his mom's I think he can basically do whatever he wants. The Bible says that he who spares the rod HATES his son. Now, we don't use a rod around this house (not saying there is anything wrong with spanking, we're simply not allowed to do it) but the principal still applies - if you love your children, you will discipline them. This is why C gets time outs when he throws things out of anger or when he disobeys me. This is why D gets early bed times or loses TV or other privileges when he breaks our rules which are pretty clearly set out. I mean it's not like we just come out of nowhere and say "BAM! We just made up this new rule, and you broke it, so now you are grounded for the rest of your life!"
In my house I would have NEVER talked to my mother or my father the way he talks to us sometimes. I would have never treated others with such disrespect. I want him to understand we have rules because we are teaching him about LIFE and how to survive in this world on his own. Everyone lives under rules, whether they like it or not. The next 8 years of his life are going to go by awfully fast. He likes to think that he will just live on welfare or somehow just come in to all kinds of money. We want so much more for him than that. I don't know that we are doing a perfect job, in fact I'm sure we're not. But we are trying to do what we think is best and will be best for the long term.
In other news, I borrowed the book "Bringing Up Boys" from the library today and I'm really excited to get started reading it!
This is what happened. D is always late. You can pretty much set your clock by the fact that he is going to be at least 2-3 minutes late. If you tell him to be home at 8, he will be home at 8:02. If his bed time is 9:30, he will go to bed at 9:35. Saturday I asked him to be home at 2:15 so he would be back in time to go on the visit with his mom, which starts at 3 and he gets picked up at 2:30. Apparently for some completely strange reason he thought I said 2:50. So at 2:45 I was frantically trying to find him. Anyway we made his bed time a half an hour earlier that night, and we also told him that if he was late again for check in (he checks in every hour if he is running around the neighborhood), for bed time, or for getting home time then his bed time would be a half hour earlier for a week. Well wouldn't you know it, that night he got home late! So we told him his bed time was a half an hour earlier for a week. He was not happy but hey, being a parent doesn't mean making your kids happy all the time.
So tonight I reminded him 8 minutes before he needed to be in bed that he needed to make sure he had time to do everything before getting in bed. He was reading...and kept on reading. Finally at his bed time he simply went in his room and shut the door - no teeth brushing! So we told him he needed to brush his teeth and he said no. So we said well...if you aren't going to do it then there will be a punishment! And he totally flipped. He called his FSS to ask for a new placement! Not sure what was said, though I expect we will be getting a phone call tomorrow. He has said several times "I'm going to call Jennifer!" like I should be afraid or something...which I'm totally not. I'm not saying I am perfect, I have definitely done some things I'm not proud of as I'm learning to parent, such as losing my temper and raising my voice, etc. But I have never lost control of myself to where I endangered any one else's safety or their lives and I try to treat these kids like I would hope I would treat my own. So I'm not afraid of anything he has to say to anybody about the things we've done. Both of the little boys have flourished under our care. D I am not so sure about, I think he has a lot of conflicting feelings right now and I really wish he would let us help him.
At his mom's I think he can basically do whatever he wants. The Bible says that he who spares the rod HATES his son. Now, we don't use a rod around this house (not saying there is anything wrong with spanking, we're simply not allowed to do it) but the principal still applies - if you love your children, you will discipline them. This is why C gets time outs when he throws things out of anger or when he disobeys me. This is why D gets early bed times or loses TV or other privileges when he breaks our rules which are pretty clearly set out. I mean it's not like we just come out of nowhere and say "BAM! We just made up this new rule, and you broke it, so now you are grounded for the rest of your life!"
In my house I would have NEVER talked to my mother or my father the way he talks to us sometimes. I would have never treated others with such disrespect. I want him to understand we have rules because we are teaching him about LIFE and how to survive in this world on his own. Everyone lives under rules, whether they like it or not. The next 8 years of his life are going to go by awfully fast. He likes to think that he will just live on welfare or somehow just come in to all kinds of money. We want so much more for him than that. I don't know that we are doing a perfect job, in fact I'm sure we're not. But we are trying to do what we think is best and will be best for the long term.
In other news, I borrowed the book "Bringing Up Boys" from the library today and I'm really excited to get started reading it!
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