The doctor...

..and other people I don't like. Just kidding!

But really, about the doctor. I took 2 year old C in because I have some concerns. He is still super constipated...like, all the time. I really hope this isn't TMI, but he goes several days with no poo, then spends 24-36 hours leaning over and pushing and trying to get his poo out. Sometimes he cries. I know he gets plenty of fiber, and I feel he gets adequate exercise and liquids(mostly water, he doesn't have milk except with his cereal in the morning). He has been with us for almost 2 months now and I guess I thought that feeding him good food would help this. I mean he eats the same stuff the rest of us do, and no one else has the problem!

Well, doctor basically gave me a prescription (which hasn't arrived at the pharmacy yet) which I assume is some sort of a laxative. Not real sure how I feel about this. It's not like "oh he's having a bad poop week" it's more like "oh, he's having a bad poop life" if you know what I mean. As far as I'm concerned this is now chronic constipation.

So being my nosy, love-to-research self, I used the trusty internet to try to find if there were other things that could be causing this issue. There are. One thing in particular caught my eye: hypothyroidism. Do you know what another symptom of hypothyroidism is? Moodiness! *gasp* My tantrumy, happy-go-lucky one second and screaming throwing a fit the next and then laughing again 30 second later foster child, moody?? Ha! Now, he doesn't have ALL of the symptoms so I'm reluctant to question the doctor on this. And I also hate to always sound like one of those people that's like "Oh no, there is definitely something wrong with my kid!" you know what I mean? So I am thinking we'll do the prescription, and once it's gone if this constipation comes back then I will take him back and ask them to do a thyroid test.

Another concern I had was his walking. He walks on the arches of his feet and he honestly can't really run. Like, he runs about the way a drunken person walks - swaying back and forth, often falling after a few steps. He is 2 years and 5 months old. Maybe it's more of a balance problem than a motor skills problem, I don't know. But the doctor x-rayed his hips and said they looked fine, and said he is still just catching up from being born early. That may be true but there is very much a part of me that sees how different he is from his peers and would really, really like to fix it.

Brian and I have been discussing the fact that Y, who is 1 year and 2 months younger than C, will probably be catching up to C soon. Honestly Y will probably be walking as well as or better than C within a few months, I'm guessing. He walks pretty well for the most part and is hardly crawling at all now. He is already starting to talk and it just seems like Y learns so quickly. It makes me sad for C, though maybe it shouldn't. It's obviously not his fault, but as he gets older I wonder how he will feel if his younger brother is "smarter" than he is, you know what I mean? I know that if he is behind he can still catch up, and even if he doesn't it's not the end of the world. Everybody is different and I need to be OK with this! :)

ETA: The visitation worker that came today works with the boys 2 days per week taking them to their visits and staying there during them and bringing them back home. C smiled at me today as I was getting him out of his car seat and she said "Wow! That's the first time I've seen him smile in probably 3 weeks!" That made me feel good in a way (that he was happy to see me!), but also sad that apparently he doesn't smile at his mom's house during visits. He's so strange. He always says "I wanna go Mommy's house!" all day long but then when the time comes to leave he will cry about half the time. If he doesn't cry, he has a sad look on his face. I just have to wonder what goes on in that little guy's head. After their visit both of the little boys basically tackled me when we got in the house and were hugging me and climbing all over me like they hadn't seen me in months. It was really cute. :)

We are continuing to have meltdowns with D. It's over such ridiculous things. For example, one of his chores is walking our dog (which, by the way, is a chore he REQUESTED). He has asked if he could take our dog to his friend's house to play with her dogs and I said no, because I don't know her dogs and I'd really rather not have Penny around other dogs when I'm not there to supervise. Penny is a very likable and lovable dog and she gets along GREAT with other dogs, but I'd hate for her to have some kind of traumatic experience because D doesn't know dog body language and doesn't know how or when to intervene when two dogs are interacting inappropriately. The way I see it is she's my dog; therefore I will make the rules. Well yesterday what did he do? He took her over to his friend's and let her play with her dogs. "But everyone was on a leash" But nothing! The same principal still applies! Yes you have a small amount more of control but just...no! I don't want him to do that! So he completely freaked out and says he won't walk the dogs anymore. So fine. He's not going to walk the dogs. And next time he wants to do something fun after the little boys go to bed I'm going to say "Oh sorry, I have to walk the dogs now." I think we're also going to make him wait for 1/2 hour in the evenings before going and doing anything - that is the time he would have spent walking the dogs. The stupid thing is he walks other people's dogs on our block. But he can't walk ours, oh no!

He was also mad at me because I made him fold his own laundry. He doesn't think he should have to fold it because if he just throws it in his drawers it "doesn't get wrinkly". After I put my foot down he folded some of his clothes then asked if he could go out. Turns out he hadn't folded the new clothes his uncle bought for him. So I asked him to fold them and he said he didn't want to...because they would get all wrinkly. What? I'm so confused. Then he was like crying and screaming at God for making him be at our house and be in foster care. Eventually after talking for a while I gently reminded him that his mom's decisions landed him here. I know that God is in the equation but I don't know that he is old enough or mature enough to handle that conversation yet. Anyway apparently he believes he is in foster care because he is being picked on and there is some random person out there waving their little wand and saying "Nope! You can't go home! Ha ha ha ha ha!" which is, quite obviously, not true. I don't think he realizes how much foster care costs the state, how much time it takes on everyone's part, not to mention psychological damage on the children, etc. It's really best for kids NOT to be in foster care. But there are rules in place on what needs to be done and by whom, and until those objectives are completed then he and his brothers will remain in foster care. I asked the caseworker if I can share the case plan with D. It outlines all the things that need to be done in order for him to return home. I don't know what has or has not been done, but at least he could see that there are tangible objectives and goals that need to be met.

This whole thing with D is really not fun at all. I feel so out of my league here, you know? Sometimes I feel we're too hard on him, sometimes I feel we're too soft, sometimes I feel he's just being unreasonable and sometimes I think that maybe he has a point. I just really don't know. I have started reading the book "Bringing up Boys" by Dr. Dobson and it's really interesting so far. I have only read a few chapters but I think it is going to help me. I'm hoping husband will read it after I'm done! :)

Comments

  1. Well, welcome to the world of pre-adolescents. He isn't that different from other tweeners I don' think. The difficulty seems to me to be one of ultimate control. If and Brian were the only authorities in the picture, it might change a little. That age will always push boundaries and be devoid of any logic. When we had kids that age (you!), we were always wondering how hard to enforce rules. Sometimes we made mistakes. Just keep working it and doing what you feel is best. I think in hindsight, it is better to err toward the reasonably strict side. Once you move a boundary out--it is more difficult to pull it back in.

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