Poll time
I ask polls because I am, really, clueless. I think things like "Why should my toddler wear footwear when it is blazing hot outside and we are going to the store and I know for a FACT he is not going to be walking?" but I know that it is socially inappropriate to send him out without footwear, so the shoes go on. I previously asked about onesies because I thought welllll, maybe it is also not socially appropriate to send a child out in (sort of) public in a onesie with no additional bottom coverage. I truly am clueless about these things.
So now I shall ask this question. C, the 2 year old, has been spitting out food. I mean chewing it up, spitting it out, and playing with it. It is, obviously, disgusting, not to mention a waste of food. It's not just food he doesn't like. I would say the most frequently spit out food is apples, and he loves apples. I have asked him not to do it but this has not worked (imagine that!). Physical punishment of any kind is not allowed - no flicking on the hands, spanking, etc. So, I have chosen to make him eat it. I mean really, it's already been in his mouth and is only partially chewed...not like I'm making him eat it off the floor or something. I called the apple he chewed up and and spit out earlier today "C's special applesauce". Because that's what it is, really.
So, what say you? Is this too socially unacceptable? If not, what alternatives do I have? The only other thing I can think of is to just take his food away and that is that, meal (or snack) over. I feel badly doing this because he is so skinny. But maybe I need to just get over it, I mean he'll learn eventually, right? It might be his little way of saying "I'm done!" but...he says "I'm done!" all the time, or "I want down" or whatever. It's not like the kid doesn't know how to communicate that he's done eating.
Since we're talking about it (and yes I know I already blogged today!) I am SO tired of people giving C sympathetic looks and "oh, you poor thing!" when he is having a tantrum in public. Talk about making you feel like a terrible human being, and reinforcing his terrible behaviour! Like I beat the kid over the head and he is crying because I am such a bad foster mom. Sheesh! Today at the pool C threw a tantrum when it was time to go (this is very normal pool behaviour) and a mom standing next to me said "Is he 2 and a half?" and I said "Why yes, yes he is". She said she had one of those ("a screamer") at home too. I could have cheered! It's nice to find a kindred spirit. Of course when we were leaving the Y (which is a reason for a whole new tantrum, in case you were wondering) a different lady was all "Oh, you poor thing!" to C. Ha! I just pretend they're talking to me. :)
So on the subject of tantrums also (this is kind of a brain explosion, sorry for the not-well-structuredness of this). If I ask him to do something, or not to do something, and he throws a tantrum...well that seals the deal, for me. So sometimes he throws tantrums because, say, I don't want him to eat nothing but grapes for lunch, or because of something else that may seem somewhat mundane and stupid which, on second thought, I could have let him do and avoided the tantrum all together. But if I asked him to do something and then he cries and if I were to say "Well ok, you don't have to do it"...then that reinforces his screaming. So sometimes I feel like a huge meanie because of the things he is having tantrums about, but I just can't back down once I make a decision. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change the decisions but once they are made then that is that - I made the bed and now have to sleep in it!
I am trying to pick my battles a little bit more. Like if he says "no" when I tell him it's time for bath, then I go and give Y a bath and C misses bath time. Not probably going to kill him considering we have baths every night. But then when he wants to take a bath (because he loves taking baths!)...oh too bad, bath time is over! Sorry! (cue tantrum) So we are trying to teach him his choices have consequences. Obviously he doesn't get to make choices about a lot of things for safety reasons but he can certainly make choices about some things.
He is trying to be a lot more independent, wanting to do things like put his shoes on, pull up his pants, take his shirt and pants off at bathtime, etc. It's just so very interesting to watch both him and Y grow and change even over the month that we have had them and to see all that they are learning and to watch their decision making and the wheels turning in their little heads. I just can't believe how much more C is talking, how many more words he knows. I can't believe how good of a walker little Y is getting to be, and how chubby he is getting. Plus he's not going to bed with his bottle any more, and learning to drink out of a sippy cup really well. D has become less sullen for the most part and will even grudgingly admit that we are a family (though he doesn't feel he is part of the extended family which I guess kind of makes sense).
D also asked tonight if he could get a twin bed in his room (he currently has a queen bed) so that the new baby could sleep in his room when she got here. Brian and I haven't had a chance to discuss this latest development. We told him that if we had her she would not be sleeping in his room, she would probably be in our room for a while and then we would probably get bunk beds for C to move into D's room with him. D wants Y to live in his room (presumably because of C's tantrums!) but I don't think that will probably happen. Since we haven't made a decision at all about whether we will take the baby, well...I just hope that if we can't take her that he isn't too disappointed. :/
So now I shall ask this question. C, the 2 year old, has been spitting out food. I mean chewing it up, spitting it out, and playing with it. It is, obviously, disgusting, not to mention a waste of food. It's not just food he doesn't like. I would say the most frequently spit out food is apples, and he loves apples. I have asked him not to do it but this has not worked (imagine that!). Physical punishment of any kind is not allowed - no flicking on the hands, spanking, etc. So, I have chosen to make him eat it. I mean really, it's already been in his mouth and is only partially chewed...not like I'm making him eat it off the floor or something. I called the apple he chewed up and and spit out earlier today "C's special applesauce". Because that's what it is, really.
So, what say you? Is this too socially unacceptable? If not, what alternatives do I have? The only other thing I can think of is to just take his food away and that is that, meal (or snack) over. I feel badly doing this because he is so skinny. But maybe I need to just get over it, I mean he'll learn eventually, right? It might be his little way of saying "I'm done!" but...he says "I'm done!" all the time, or "I want down" or whatever. It's not like the kid doesn't know how to communicate that he's done eating.
Since we're talking about it (and yes I know I already blogged today!) I am SO tired of people giving C sympathetic looks and "oh, you poor thing!" when he is having a tantrum in public. Talk about making you feel like a terrible human being, and reinforcing his terrible behaviour! Like I beat the kid over the head and he is crying because I am such a bad foster mom. Sheesh! Today at the pool C threw a tantrum when it was time to go (this is very normal pool behaviour) and a mom standing next to me said "Is he 2 and a half?" and I said "Why yes, yes he is". She said she had one of those ("a screamer") at home too. I could have cheered! It's nice to find a kindred spirit. Of course when we were leaving the Y (which is a reason for a whole new tantrum, in case you were wondering) a different lady was all "Oh, you poor thing!" to C. Ha! I just pretend they're talking to me. :)
So on the subject of tantrums also (this is kind of a brain explosion, sorry for the not-well-structuredness of this). If I ask him to do something, or not to do something, and he throws a tantrum...well that seals the deal, for me. So sometimes he throws tantrums because, say, I don't want him to eat nothing but grapes for lunch, or because of something else that may seem somewhat mundane and stupid which, on second thought, I could have let him do and avoided the tantrum all together. But if I asked him to do something and then he cries and if I were to say "Well ok, you don't have to do it"...then that reinforces his screaming. So sometimes I feel like a huge meanie because of the things he is having tantrums about, but I just can't back down once I make a decision. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change the decisions but once they are made then that is that - I made the bed and now have to sleep in it!
I am trying to pick my battles a little bit more. Like if he says "no" when I tell him it's time for bath, then I go and give Y a bath and C misses bath time. Not probably going to kill him considering we have baths every night. But then when he wants to take a bath (because he loves taking baths!)...oh too bad, bath time is over! Sorry! (cue tantrum) So we are trying to teach him his choices have consequences. Obviously he doesn't get to make choices about a lot of things for safety reasons but he can certainly make choices about some things.
He is trying to be a lot more independent, wanting to do things like put his shoes on, pull up his pants, take his shirt and pants off at bathtime, etc. It's just so very interesting to watch both him and Y grow and change even over the month that we have had them and to see all that they are learning and to watch their decision making and the wheels turning in their little heads. I just can't believe how much more C is talking, how many more words he knows. I can't believe how good of a walker little Y is getting to be, and how chubby he is getting. Plus he's not going to bed with his bottle any more, and learning to drink out of a sippy cup really well. D has become less sullen for the most part and will even grudgingly admit that we are a family (though he doesn't feel he is part of the extended family which I guess kind of makes sense).
D also asked tonight if he could get a twin bed in his room (he currently has a queen bed) so that the new baby could sleep in his room when she got here. Brian and I haven't had a chance to discuss this latest development. We told him that if we had her she would not be sleeping in his room, she would probably be in our room for a while and then we would probably get bunk beds for C to move into D's room with him. D wants Y to live in his room (presumably because of C's tantrums!) but I don't think that will probably happen. Since we haven't made a decision at all about whether we will take the baby, well...I just hope that if we can't take her that he isn't too disappointed. :/
I have no useful advice on the chew-spitting thing (as we are currently dealing with the same issue) my general conclusion is that Levi spits it out because he thought he wanted it, but changed his mind. i.e. he's full. While I don't like to "reward" him by letting him get down from the table, the only other option I see is removing all his food and making him sit there without any (cue tantrum). Good luck, and let me know if you find a good solution.
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