Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

...because I plan to spend a few hours on this beautiful day today working outside! :) Bio mom asked us via our notebook if we would take the baby when she is born. Talk about heart-wrenching! I think it took a lot of humility for her to even ask at all. She wouldn't have asked if she didn't think we would do a good job. I had to explain to her that when we originally started doing foster care a few months ago, we requested 1 child under the age of five. Now we have three children, one of which is not under the age of five (and thank GOODNESS for that!), and that we simply could not commit to adding another child, especially not a new born baby. I told her that I have cried over this decision (and I have!) and that I hope she knows we did not make it lightly. She wrote back and said it was OK and that she understood. So, hopefully she really does understand. I thought it was really good that she asked if her daughter could come stay here when she is born though. Also I ...

How's THAT for a title? I'll start with the baby. Turns out we are NOT going to be getting her, not even as an emergency placement. The caseworker finally called me back and said that they can't do an "emergency" placement for the baby because technically it's not an emergency since they know she is coming. An emergency placement is when kids come initially come into care, and the state can place them somewhere for up to 30 days and then move them to a more permanent place without being penalized. So the caseworker said she would need a firm commitment from us in order to place the baby here initially. And we can not give it at this time. I am really sad about this. I would really love to have a girl in this house full of boys! When I was talking with the caseworker I expressed my concern that I really wanted to keep the kids together but I wasn't sure if we could handle it. She said "If [bio mom] keeps having children, which she probably will,...

Got a call today that the little boys are going to start having visits with their bio dad, whom they have not seen since March. The first visit is this Thursday. I'm a little worried about C and his behaviors getting worse as a result of this. But of course, as per usual we just kind of have to deal with it and try to help him work through it as best we can. And who knows, maybe he won't even remember his dad so it will be no big deal. How long can kids that little remember people? Also I was thinking today that if it turns out that this baby girl is his daughter, then is he going to have visits with all three of them at the same time? And if so...wow! Going from not parenting any children at all for six months to suddenly parenting three children under the age of three...Yikes! I would probably be terrified. *side note: Is it bad that I am thinking "well, if the little boys have a few more hours of visits during the week then I get more 'free time'"? ...

Let me begin this little blog with a short story. A few months ago, shortly after all three of the boys moved in with us, my dear husband gave me a Saturday morning to myself. Of course I chose to go shopping. And of course, aside from purchasing a few items for myself, I also bought things for the boys. For the 11 year old, D, I had no idea what to get. So I bought him one of those metal water canteen things to keep water in. He was pretty excited about it, which made me happy seeing as how I was totally stabbing in the dark on this gift. Shortly after I purchased it, D went through a smoothie-making phase. This was after his summer program was over so he was home all. day. long. And, naturally, bored. So he experimented with various types of smoothies. Some of you can already see where this is going... Last night, he approached me and told me he was failing math. After we talked about that a little bit he apparently got brave, because he said "I need your help cleaning...

Well since I can't post pics of the boys (sadly, because I have some pretty cute ones!) I figured at least I could post pics of their toys! I hit up several garage sales today, all within about 1/2 mile radius of each other which in and of itself was awesome. Also, I don't haggle with garage sale people on prices unless I think it's really super over-priced. The way I see it, I'm paying way less for the item than they paid for it new - I'm already saving a TON of money, so saving 50 more cents or a couple of bucks isn't a huge deal to me. So with no further ado - A bead toy (thing?) for $1, and a xylophone dog which was I think a dollar or two. A toy where the balls go in the top, go through the thing and do some fun stuff and then come out the bottom. Bonus that you have to hit the balls with the hammer to make them go through! I think this cost $3. My "big ticket" items. A very life-like grill with burgers, chicken, hot dogs, and condiments. The ...

That is, that is what both boys are right now. Hysterical. As in, screaming. In their beds. Actually it has gotten a lot quieter in the last few minutes thankfully. Last night C was up well past 7:30 laying in bed screaming, yelling "NO!", etc. (yelling "no!" or "Ugh!" is his MO when he doesn't want to do something, like sleep!). His bed time (and Y's!) is 7:00 because they typically sleep until anywhere from 6:30-7:30, and we leave the house at 7:20 so that early of a bedtime ensure they can sleep as long as possible before they must be awake for the day. ANYway, since he was up he kept his little brother up. And now they are both going nutso. They need naps this morning, they do! I'm giving them until 10 and seeing what happens. :/ I hate that! There is not much you can do to discipline a child when they are behaving like that at bed time. He was staying in his bed so that was good. I got him out and held C until he stopped crying, t...

That sometimes we make mountains out of molehills. Y woke up a little earlier than usual today, but it wasn't too bad. Could've been worse for sure! But honestly I had also turned the baby monitor way down, so he might've been awake for a while before I heard him. At any rate, it gave me an opportunity to let him have a try at spoon feeding himself. He wasn't real interested in actually putting it into his mouth, but it did end up all over his tummy, hands and tray! I took over towards the end because we had to get on the road. I gave him a good 30 minutes to try it himself. I think he actually got about 3 spoonfuls during that time. We'll try again though. Not sure if/how I should approach this whole sleeping thing with his mom. This is the second time she has put the boys to sleep (that I know of) during their visit. Two times out of about 3 months isn't too bad at all. But it just seems strange. It would be one thing if I asked her to, or like if she ...

But I won't. So Y had a hard day today. Last night he woke up a couple of times during the night. One time was particularly funny - he had been crying for a few minutes so I decided to go check on him. He was on his tummy kind of yelling into his pillow. I grabbed a spare pacifier off of the dresser and put it in his mouth..or at least attempted to. I hope this doesn't sound terrible but since he is African American it is very hard to see him when it is dark. Sometimes if he is in dark pajamas I can't even find him in his crib in the dark! That's even with a night light, people! Anyway I handed him his pacifier and he lifted his head up to look around...but I just so happened to be standing on the side that his pink eye was on, so he didn't see me! He laid back down and I snuck out. Ha ha ha! Anyway back to my original story, which was about Y's hard day. He was up early-ish, was whiny all morning, did not take a morning nap (trust me, I tried, but he wasn...

Here are just a few of the things I did NOT do this week. I certainly did not take the little boys out on a run with me and get caught in the rain a mile from home. How irresponsible would THAT be? I mean, sheesh, check the weather lady! I did not attempt to run 5 miles with the boys in the stroller. After all, the longest I've run since June has been less than three miles. Who am I to think that I could run 5 miles to begin with, much less pushing a stroller with nearly 50 pounds of children in it?? I mean, even with stopping to play at a park for a while doesn't take away the fact that it is still five miles! I did NOT jump out and scare the 14th month old, causing him to scream and fall down on his bottom and start crying. And I certainly did not laugh at all right before I picked him up and comforted him. That would definitely make me a terrible human being...right? I can't think of anything else right now though I'm sure there is more. I really want to eat ca...

C's pink eye is pretty much cleared up. It's still a little red but there is no swelling and no discharge, so that's good! Y's pink eye is worse. His eye is swollen almost all the way shut. Honestly I'm having a difficult time getting it open and keeping it open to get his eye drops in. Poor little guy! More and more junk is coming out of it too. Thankfully his other eye is clear so far - I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to have it that badly in both eyes! We are doing the drops in both eyes though, so hopefully that will prevent any outbreak in the other eye. So far all the rest of us are clear. My hands are chapped from washing them so much but hey, that's the price you pay I guess! Also, the laundry is overwhelming. I'm washing their bedding and towels every day or every other day, keeping their clothes washed, and washing just about anything else I think might have made contact them throughout their days. Ha! The family that was su...

...that the baby was born. Last night. And that when she was born she could also crawl and pull herself up while holding onto furniture and stuff. And she was very saucy and naughty. Ha ha ha ha ha! Now both C & Y have pink eye. My main concern is just not getting everyone reinfected and have it going around our house for eons. We are going to the doctor this afternoon. From what I have read they can't do anything about it if it's viral, we just have to let it run it's course. But maybe it will be due to a bacteria in which case they can give us meds to help. I'm sure he will give us meds anyway...their doctor likes to give out meds from what I can tell. I kind of wish visits could be placed on hold until everyone gets better. I'm sure that's selfish of me. :/

We have it. Or, more importantly, 14 month old Y has it. How, you say, did he get such a fine infection? From his mother, who has had pink eye since last Monday. Now she has it in both eyes, I guess. I have no idea how I'm going to contain these germs. Guess it's time to take out stock in Purell. How the heck do I keep him from rubbing his eyes, which I know from experience is what one WANTS to do when one has pink eye! Going to try to take him to the doctor tomorrow (which, by the way, bio mom requested - "Can you please take him to the doctor? I don't want the other kids to get it" guess what, ME EITHER! and does anyone else see the irony in this?). We are supposed to get respite care from Saturday to Sunday...but the family that is watching the boys has nine children of their own (yes, NINE - 6 adopted, 3 fosters) and I will completely understand if they don't want those germs in their house. I shudder at the thought. Dang. I hate pink eye. Sorr...

And I mean literally, running. For those of you that don't know, I fancy myself a bit of a runner. I am not fast, by any stretch of the imagination. But I can go a long, long way with the proper training. I have run two full marathons (26.2 miles) in the past few months, one of which I completed in less than 5 hours which I was really proud of (yes, I'm slow, I know it!). I have also logged a 20 mile trail race in the snow, and many half marathons and 10Ks in my time as a runner. The number of races I have done since becoming a foster mom? ZERO. Yes that's right, zero. I have probably run a total of less than 20 miles since my most recent marathon in June. My parents helped us buy a (used) double jogging stroller when we first got the kids. I envisioned many miles together as they were enchanted by the world flying by them and enjoying spending time in nature, while I logged some much needed miles and got to enjoy my hobby with them. What really happens is this: * Dur...

Tomorrow is the first court date for the boys since they have been in our care. I am trying to decide if I should go. Don't get me wrong, I want to go. I want to hear what is said, want to know what is decided, want to be available to answer any questions that come up. I have never been to court for a foster care case before so I don't really know what to expect. The case worker said that I am "more than welcome to come" but that the boys' mom feels very threatened by me. So I'm wondering if I should skip it out of respect for her. I AM on her side; I want nothing more than for her to get her life straightened out and get her kids back. Obviously if she can NOT get her life straightened out then I would NOT want her to get her kids back because it would not be in their best interest. But as far as I'm concerned, I think it would be great if she could get everything done she needs to get done sooner rather than later. So...I just don't know what...

Here are some of the things I definitely did not do this week. I did NOT have a problem with a strange odor coming from my refrigerator. After all, I would never leave food in there long enough to go bad or knock something over and cause it to spill. I am far too frugal and organized for that. Also, I did NOT have company at my house while the strange odor was occurring. The company I did NOT have most certainly did NOT enter the fridge at my encouragement. Also, it did NOT take 3 days for me to find the time to find the odor and remove it. And of course I did actually find it...I mean, how hard could it be? I certainly did not throw away a few bad vegetables and wipe down the shelves, hoping that would solve the problem. There was NOT a used baby bottle in the bathroom for 3 days before I finally got it and took it to the kitchen. How gross would THAT be?? Besides, I use the bathroom many times throughout the course of the day - how hard would it be to simply grab it and bri...

Our FSW called us last night and told me a bunch of really crazy information: * The baby is probably going to be born in the next 7 weeks. She did not say why; I assume there is some sort of complication with the pregnancy or perhaps they just miscalculated the due date originally. * A Team Meeting has been scheduled, and I am not allowed to go at the bio mom's request. A team meeting is where all of the people involved in the case - therapists, case workers, teachers, attorneys, bio parents, foster parents, etc., get together to discuss things. You can bet I'd LOVE to go. We have never had a team meeting since we got the kids, and they are supposed to occur monthly. Bio mom has not been willing/able to set up a time when she could do it so that is why they have not occurred. I guess she doesn't want me to come because she is pretty private about her issues and whatnot. But the way I see it, we have a BIG stake in the outcome of this whole thing; it would be nice to b...