Still trying to figure things out
So the past 2 days with Miss M have been just awful. I know you guys with toddlers know just what I mean. The screaming, never-ending tantrums over every single stinking thing, being kicked, my dogs being kicked in fits of rage. It doesn't help that my husband has been gone for the last 3 nights for D's basketball games and a bike ride, and I miss him and am feeling stressed! I am so glad she is small, otherwise I am sure she would probably kill somebody for reals. Probably me, the person who has to tell her "no" the most. I'm the meanest.
It's hard to know if she is feeling the loss of her first foster mom, or her "real" mom, or if we are still in the testing phase. Probably some combination of all three. I found out that Monday her old foster mom stopped into her daycare to see her, and Monday was the day her behavior started being worse. But it also seems like the more she is with us (like through the weekend) the better her behavior is too. She likes going to daycare and rarely ever cries when I drop her off. She cried today when I dropped her off, but then she really cried all morning so it's not too surprising. I'm not really looking for advice, just complaining. i know this will pass. I just pray for wisdom to give grace when it is needed and firmness when it is needed and to not get those situations mixed up.
I think we've found a solution for the sleep thing...we'll see if it works. I have been putting Miss M to bed in our room, then moving her to her own crib when we go to bed. And I think we will start letting C stay up 30 or 45 minutes later than the other littles, so Y will go to bed in his room by himself. Part of me dreads this, because I go to bed fairly early (I get up at 4:30 a.m.) and I enjoy having some time to myself in the evenings. Having C there does not sound very relaxing. But I think it will be good, hopefully help with his bonding with us and maybe reduce some of what I see as attention-seeking behaviours.
Speaking of bonding, I suck at playing with little kids. I'm serious. Whenever I try to play with them, they take my toys and then shortly afterwards they just start playing amongst themselves again. They play so well together which can be frustrating sometimes!
Tuesday morning the little kids were supposed to have a visit with their dad. Normally they get picked up around 9. By 9:35 I was making phone calls which of course no one was answering. Finally at 9:50 I took them to daycare. Then at 10:30 the visitation company called me...long story short, the visitation worker was supposed to have called me to tell me that there would be no visit, and she didn't. Again. This is not the first time this has happened.
CW came over Tuesday night and I asked about visits with dad, and she said she is suspending them. He will get a "goodbye" visit after the trial. So as of now our kids aren't having any visits! It is crazy to think about. I also asked about D's dad again, and she said she is going to check into it further. I also emailed the kids' GAL tonight to see what she has to say. Our agency worker said she has had adoptions held up because nobody did anything about the dads. And we don't want that! We have waited long enough.
When my husband talked to D about how his boss called and asked us to tell him to start working harder, D's response was "So? I don't care!" So that's great. I haven't talked with him about it at all because I know it will not help at all and possibly make things worse. I thought about calling the boss and just saying "look, if you need to fire him, please do." I'd much rather him get fired at 13 and learn that lesson then be babied along and then get fired when he gets a "real" job and is trying to support himself or his family.
Seems like I had something else to say but it must not have been important!
It's hard to know if she is feeling the loss of her first foster mom, or her "real" mom, or if we are still in the testing phase. Probably some combination of all three. I found out that Monday her old foster mom stopped into her daycare to see her, and Monday was the day her behavior started being worse. But it also seems like the more she is with us (like through the weekend) the better her behavior is too. She likes going to daycare and rarely ever cries when I drop her off. She cried today when I dropped her off, but then she really cried all morning so it's not too surprising. I'm not really looking for advice, just complaining. i know this will pass. I just pray for wisdom to give grace when it is needed and firmness when it is needed and to not get those situations mixed up.
I think we've found a solution for the sleep thing...we'll see if it works. I have been putting Miss M to bed in our room, then moving her to her own crib when we go to bed. And I think we will start letting C stay up 30 or 45 minutes later than the other littles, so Y will go to bed in his room by himself. Part of me dreads this, because I go to bed fairly early (I get up at 4:30 a.m.) and I enjoy having some time to myself in the evenings. Having C there does not sound very relaxing. But I think it will be good, hopefully help with his bonding with us and maybe reduce some of what I see as attention-seeking behaviours.
Speaking of bonding, I suck at playing with little kids. I'm serious. Whenever I try to play with them, they take my toys and then shortly afterwards they just start playing amongst themselves again. They play so well together which can be frustrating sometimes!
Tuesday morning the little kids were supposed to have a visit with their dad. Normally they get picked up around 9. By 9:35 I was making phone calls which of course no one was answering. Finally at 9:50 I took them to daycare. Then at 10:30 the visitation company called me...long story short, the visitation worker was supposed to have called me to tell me that there would be no visit, and she didn't. Again. This is not the first time this has happened.
CW came over Tuesday night and I asked about visits with dad, and she said she is suspending them. He will get a "goodbye" visit after the trial. So as of now our kids aren't having any visits! It is crazy to think about. I also asked about D's dad again, and she said she is going to check into it further. I also emailed the kids' GAL tonight to see what she has to say. Our agency worker said she has had adoptions held up because nobody did anything about the dads. And we don't want that! We have waited long enough.
When my husband talked to D about how his boss called and asked us to tell him to start working harder, D's response was "So? I don't care!" So that's great. I haven't talked with him about it at all because I know it will not help at all and possibly make things worse. I thought about calling the boss and just saying "look, if you need to fire him, please do." I'd much rather him get fired at 13 and learn that lesson then be babied along and then get fired when he gets a "real" job and is trying to support himself or his family.
Seems like I had something else to say but it must not have been important!
I am so sorry to hear you are going through the tantrums. They make me want to have a tantrum too.
ReplyDeleteBonding doesn't usually happen when I am with all the kids. At best I am a friendly referee at worst I become the fought over item in the room. I no longer worry about playing with my kids. God knew they needed playmates so he gave them each other. God knew they needed a Mommy so he gave them me. I will sometimes sit down, but it is more to just get them started in a play activity. Bonding happens when I get to single a child out. I let them help me cook or we snuggle or share a private joke. Its stuff they can ONLY do with Mommy that makes it special.