Screaming

So we went to the dentist, and the dentist said we need to get rid of the pacifier for Miss M. She uses it only at night, but apparently it is starting to affect her pallet. Honestly, it could/should have maybe been gone a long time ago. EXCEPT:

One year ago, she was living full time with her foster mom.
Nine months ago, she started having overnight visits with her bio mom, who she had only seen for 12 hours a week up until that time.
She went from one night a week, to two nights, to three nights.
Then 6 months ago, she went to zero nights with bio mom.
Then 4 months ago, she started transitioning to our house.
2 months ago she started living here full time.

Now, that's a lot of changes. And I feel for the girl, I do. I wish the system wouldn't have given the overnights with bio mom. I mean I'm sure they had to; she was doing so well for a while. But...!!!!! It's frustrating to build up that bond, and build and build...then to just tear it down. It puts the kids through the wringer!

So anyway, Monday I cut a tiny hole in her pacifier so she couldn't suck on it, but still let her have it. She got a weird look on her face when she put it in her mouth, but she went to sleep with no problems.

Last night, however, she screamed intermittently for like an hour and a half. She was MAD. It was awesome. We don't go in to calm her when she is screaming because what happens is she stops...then 5 minutes later she starts again, and it is an endless cycle. Eventually she tired herself out and fell asleep. When I went in to get her and move her into her crib from our room, I found she had thrown her blanket and her paci out of the her pack-n-play, so of course she was mad that no one came and got it for her! I'm kind of glad I didn't know that that was what had happened - she got a natural consequence for her behavior. Speaking of her behavior, that has been another issue, but I will save that for another blog!

I'm hoping tonight will be a little more smooth. I figure if we make it through the next few nights then this little phase will be over...right? Right?!?!?!

Speaking of screaming, C has been having more intense tantrums lately. This morning at 6:55 a.m. he was in his room talking. He was the only one awake; normally the kids sleep until at least 7:15 or 7:30. Me, I had been awake since 4:25 a.m. running and doing boot camp so it's not like I was trying to sleep in or something. I poked my head in and asked him to be quiet, then I jumped in the shower. When I got out, of course everyone was awake and M was screaming at the top of her lungs. So naturally, I assume (and C confirmed) that he had continued talking and woken up his very over-tired sister and brother instead of being quiet like I had asked. We had also let him stay up later than everybody else last night. This may have been a bad choice on our parts.

So I told C that I was going to get M and Y up, but he needed to stay in bed and practice being quiet (since he had woken them up super early and disobeyed me) for a while and then he could get up too. Instead, he screamed. And screamed, and screamed. For an hour. Then, I asked him to go ahead and get ready for pre-school and that he could just practice when he got home since he didn't practice this morning (and he also could eat breakfast at preschool instead of at home, so it's not like I made hims starve!). So he screamed even louder, and banged his head on the wood floor in their room. This resulted in a gushing bloody nose. He was so busy screaming that he didn't even realize he had hurt himself and was dripping blood everywhere. I showed him that his nose was bleeding and told him to stop crying so it would stop bleeding, and he immediately stopped and pulled himself together.

I feel a lot of times like his tantrums are just some big act, designed to get a rise out of me. This whole morning I kept my voice very low and quiet, I did not lay a finger on him except to help him stop his bloody nose. I tried to be positive and kind and show him my clear expectations and told him exactly what would happen if he chose not to do what I asked. I did not raise my voice; I remained very calm the whole time and I feel like I handled it well. I feel like his tantrums are coming back the way they used to be, and it is frustrating. Thankfully he mostly just tantrums at home, he doesn't do it hardly at all when we are out and about. At least not yet!

And yesterday I got a call from the daycare because Y was asking to go potty every 15 minutes during nap time. I told them to put him in a diaper. He likes to pee his pants to try to get out of stuff, like when he is in time out or just doesn't want to do something. Magically, once they told him he was going to need to stay on his mat and if he needed to go to the bathroom he could go in his diaper - suddenly he no longer had to go to the bathroom. Hhhhhhmmmmmmmm! It didn't stop be from being frazzled and wondering if he had a UTI or something. *sigh*

Oh and M is being potty trained - yay! She is doing so good. She does still go in her diaper sometimes and that is fine, but as long as I remember to get her to the potty every hour or so she mostly uses the potty. My favorite part is the fact that the number of poopy diapers I have to change has already been greatly reduced. :) Her daycare teacher said some of the other kids in her class are potty trained so it's no problem to take her to the bathroom regularly. So, yay! I wasn't really planning on potty training her for maybe 5 or 6 months but now is good for me since it's good for her. I'm kind of excited for the day when I get to go buy some girl underwear. Ha ha! I'm tired of seeing Thomas the Train and super heroes!

Prayer request: I've been thinking about how on Friday when I am testifying I need to "speak the truth in love" and not let the bitterness I feel in my heart towards the bio dad come through. I just need to stick to the facts, try to keep my feelings away from it. And really I need to work on my feelings towards this guy...I can't talk about it or else it will just make me more mad, but suffice to say that while I have a big amount of respect towards bio mom I can not say the same for bio dad. So your prayers are appreciated.

Comments

  1. I will be praying for you at court
    .
    The stories about noisy mornings and tantrums surrounding bed issues sounds like you were writing about my house. It sounds like C and Tot have a lot in common at least in this area.

    I think the hardest part for me is the tantrums are unfair to the innocent sleepers they disturb. It seems like you are doing great staying calm about it all. It seems all Tot does is scream for what he wants now. He has also gone backwards. So, as I said, A LOT in common!

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