Changes

With bio dad's hearing coming up tomorrow, I've just been thinking about all the changes that have been going on in all of our lives.  Only eight short months ago I attended a team meeting where everybody present talked matter-of-factly about when the boys would be going home and how that transition would be made. It wasn't a matter of "if"; it was a matter of "when".

Today, they legally have no mother.  Maybe after tomorrow 3 of them will legally have no father.  I have 3 children that call me "Mommy"; 8 months ago I had zero children that called me that.  Eight months ago we were talking about taking a break from foster care when the kids went home and wondering what our "new" kids would be like and what we would do differently; now we are discussing things like saving up for college and moving to a larger home.  Eight months ago we were driving 1.5 to 2 hours every day taking a child to and from school because of somebody else's decision on where he should go; today we get to pick his school without permission from anybody!

Things change so quickly.  I was talking to my friend about how I don't REALLY have kids yet and she protested, saying that of course I do! But honestly, things could change. The state could come in here any moment and take these kids away.  We have no legal right or biological ties to them.

I will be glad when it is over.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
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Mr. C tried to hit me today during one of his fits. I'm pretty quick so was able to dodge it.  Right before that he also was beating on Y, he hit him several times before I was able to stop him. Now, my kids fight (they are kids after all!) but usually it doesn't get so physical.  Y went through a biting stage like lots of toddlers, but that is over.  C is really scrawny and even though he towers over his brother I think muscle-for-muscle they are about equals. That makes me feel a little better for Y.  Needless to say it was a bit of a frustrating evening.  I think he had at least 3 tantrums. On top of that he didn't take a nap at daycare, and I'm pretty sure today was a day he could have used one.

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Y has been having a lot of accidents at home and at preschool. It is so frustrating, he has been potty trained for almost a year now!  Me and his teachers are pretty sure he is doing it on purpose, a lot of times he'll do it to try to get out of time out or some other not-fun thing he has to do.  His teacher had a long talk with him about it and I have had several with him too. I know accidents will still sometimes happen but I think 3 or 4 or more a week is a little bit ridiculous, especially when he has previously gone months without having them.  Just more stuff to try to figure out how to handle. These kids keep us on our toes!

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The kids are going to respite this weekend. D is going to one place, M is going to her old foster mom's, and C and Y are going to a family that they really like.  They are going to be gone for two whole nights, and we are pretty darn excited.  Thrilled, really.  And honestly they are excited too, except for M who really doesn't know what is going on. :) I have made it a personal goal to not cook at ALL this weekend, and also I tried to get all my chores done today so I won't have too much to do. I know it will go by really quickly.  We are going to see Batman and also the new Spiderman I guess.  I hope we have some time to just lie around on the couch!  We also have a triathlon to do Saturday, but I'm just doing the bike. And I ran 14 miles today which is about the same distance as the bike on Saturday. Ba ha ha ha!  I'm thinking the bike will be a tad easier.

I suppose I should go to bed. I'm going to have to get at 5:45 a.m. to get the kids to daycare by 7:15 so I can be to court on time. This morning I woke up at 3:50 to get my run done before 7 a.m. *sigh*  Maybe Sunday I will get to half way sleep in at least.  Although technically waking up at 5:45 a.m. is sleeping in for me nowadays considering I'm usually up at 4:30 a.m.

Also, just a small rant. Completely unrelated to foster care.  People in my boot camp class are always asking me how I have time for running when I have 4 kids.  Well...I MAKE time.  I get up and run in the dark.  I run instead of driving places sometimes. I make it a priority. Nobody just says "Hey, I have an extra 2 hours today, I think I'll go for a run!" No, that never happens. I make the time and I run on less sleep and I rearrange my schedule.  I haven't watched TV in a week because at night I'm doing homework or dishes or laundry.  So that is how I fit running in.  The end!

Comments

  1. You are so awesome. I really admire the fact that you run. I admire your discipline.

    I thought of you this morning and prayed for court. I hope everything has gone well.

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