I sent this email today...

I hope I don't regret it later!

Sent to our Caseworker, our FSW, and our Service Coordinator (names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the not so):

CW and SC,

I spoke with FSW a few days ago, and she indicated that CW stated she has not received these background checks.

1. SC, could you please send this stuff again to CW? Or could the two of you talk and figure out what happened to these?
2. Is it a matter of cost that the background checks on out of state people can not be done? We will pay for the checks if there is a fee involved or something like that. If it is some other reason could somebody please communicate with me? I feel like I'm going back and forth between all of you and I don't feel like that is really my job. Not to mention the fact that I'm sure you are all getting tired of hearing from me.
3. CW, can you please give me the name, phone number, and email address of your supervisor?

I just want to say that I am so frustrated with the foster care system right now. I believe all of you have small children, or have had them at one time if they are older now. Just try to imagine not being able to call someone to watch the kids if you need to go to the doctor for a physical, or if you just need someone to watch the kids for a couple of hours. Imagine never ever being able to call a baby sitter to come to your house for a few hours. Imagine if you had an 11 year old son that couldn't even go inside of his friends' houses to play - how is he supposed to have a normal life at all, especially now that it is getting dark earlier and his best friend on the block has diabetes and his parents don't like to let him leave their house? The (friends) and the (family) as well as the (friends) and other people (who have not completed background checks yet because I figure at this point there is really no reason) are more than willing to help me out. They see these kids a lot; the kids know and trust them all. They don't want to get paid or anything, they just want to help. They are good people, my dad is a pastor of a church and for whatever reason he and my mom can not get approved to watch our kids for a few hours?

It is so frustrating to have to send the children to stranger's houses again and again. They have enough people in their lives right now. We all hear about attachment issues and foster kids, and how 50% of people in jails are former foster kids, and how there is such a HUGE need for foster parents. And yet it takes months to get licensed, months to get stupid background checks approved, there are three different people to ask questions of, one person in particular never returns phone calls or emails, not to mention the fact that we have no idea what is going on in the case and myriad other issues. D thinks he's going to be home by Christmas - is there a chance that he could be? I have no idea! Not a clue! He doesn't want to talk to anybody else about it - he wants to talk to us, he is mad at everyone else for making him be in foster care. But I don't know what to say to him other than "It's up to the judge!". Maybe that's all there is to say, I don't know.

I am trying to do the very best for these kids. I could be at a "real" job making an actual income, or get licensed and work with my husband, but I stay home because I think it's best for C and Y. I've cut back on my hours that I work for the business because there is simply not enough time in the day to do everything. I'm saving the state money now and probably in the future too, yet I can not get any support at all. It would be so much easier to let them to go daycare and have the state pay for it, and have someone else deal with the tantrums and the circumcision and spending 45+ minutes every day to drive D to school and all the other hard things, but I do it because I love these kids and I am trying to do what is best for them.

This is extremely frustrating and I hope you guys can give me some answers.


I am really hoping I didn't come off too strong. But I really can't remember the last time the CW returned a call or an email from me. The SC doesn't want to raise C's level so we get paid more because apparently he is perfectly normal. And I can't get anyone to get the background checks for our friends and family completed. I need to go to the doctor for my annual because I have a high risk for cervical cancer but I'm scared that there won't be anyone approved to watch the boys. Isn't that stupid? In case anyone is wondering, we get paid approximately 50 cents an hour, per child, to provide 24/7 care, food, clothing, transportation, entertainment, toys, etc. for these children. That's right, 50 cents an hour. Without foster parents VOLUNTEERING their time, the foster care system simply would not work. Kids would be in group homes, costs would be through the roof, behaviors would be out of control, and our prisons and JV systems would be overflowing with the aftermath. No one gives a freaking rip about foster parents.

End rant.


  1. I'm so glad you sent this to them. I hope they pay attention. I think if there is someone higher up that you can request a meeting with, you should do it. This is just ridiculous. I'm sure this is all very complicated and I want to give all the workers involved the benefit of the doubt - but they are making it nearly impossible to do that.

    Hang in there honey - what you guys are doing is so wonderful and so good for those boys. They are blessed beyond belief to have you guys!

  2. Right on, Brynn. Well said. I may not have been so nice :)

  3. I *definitely* wouldn't have been so nice!


  4. Did you get a response? We sent an e-mail pretty similar to this, after which our caseworker called an "emergency team meeting" (a week later) which I of course had to drag the boys along to, and absolutely nothing got resolved.
    If you want me to watch the boys during your appointment let me know...my husband works from home so usually both of us are at home in the daytime.
    Despite the fact that no one cares about foster parents, I still think it's exactly what I need to be doing with this time in my life...hope you are feeling that way too!

  5. We have gotten responses. Mostly it seems like people are just pooh-poohing our predicament, except for the Cedars worker (who is the only professional person that seems to be on our side in this thing). The CW agreed to come out and talk to D about the current status of his case, and she did send me an email with current info about the bio parents which is nice. Of course she didn't return my last 10 or so emails and voicemails, but who's keeping track, right?

    Melissa said you are having a hard time getting people to watch your kids too - I thought if you are up for it maybe we can try to get our families together and get to know each other a little bit and then maybe we can all help each other out with that since we are having a hard time too. I am also REALLY pushing hard to get Melissa's background check done but so far I am not getting anywhere. :(

    And yes, I totally feel like we are supposed to be foster parents. My husband asked me the other day "If these kids end up going back to their mom, are we going to still be foster parents?" And I said YES!!! :)

  6. Awesome job, Brynn! I know one Guy who gives a rip that you're foster parents... and He's storing up treasurers in heaven for you!!! No doubt about it.


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