For hire: Poop coach

For Hire:

Someone willing to coach a 4 year old with chronic constipation and explain to him on a daily basis why poop is necessary and that everybody poops.  Must be able to encourage said four year old and sit with him for hours upon end encouraging him to set his poop free into the toilet. Ear plugs (in case of intermittent screaming or yelling) will be provided. Pay is negotiable, must be available to work 24/7, especially afternoons and evenings.  Must be patient and not prone to laughter during yelling fits of "I'm NEVER gonna poop!" and "Fine, then I'm not being your friend!"  Must clean poop out of underwear, off the floor, and any other place that it may land.  Must be able to spot a "poop incident" before it occurs and rush child to the toilet.  May require lifting up to 35 pounds.

Until we can find someone to fit these stringent requirements, I guess I'll have to fit the bill.


I hate constipation. And I wish he believed me when I told him if he just poops, it will allll be better.  We are going on 3 days now with bits of poop just splooshing out whenever he unclenches his butt cheeks long enough to allow something to pass.  This, and he is on a stool softener every day AND fiber every day. Seriously. Usually it's not a problem but every once in a while we go through days of constipation and I feel like my entire life revolves around what is (or isn't) coming out of his butt.  Just imagine how awful it would be if he wasn't taking daily medicine! I shudder at the thought.


  1. oh my!!!!Do I hAve stories for you!!!

    We have twins we adopted from the foster care system. They were not potty trained when we got them.... they were SIX years old.

    SOOOOO.... they both had become cronically constipated... encopresis, mega-bowel, drizzling poop constantly, screaming for hours on end, refusing to cooperate...

    It was three months of H. E. L. L. Sorry, but there is no other way to put it. THree months for them to finally give in and try...And then it was 2 more years of MAJOR effort to teach them to go daily. We still fight the battle. It's better. They are 8and half and every morning they sit when we tell them to and they are not allowed off until I am satisfied. We use miralax and a slew of natural plans. Missy only messes her pants on occasion now. James does not at all. BUT he just finally learned to wear underwear and not wet them.

    My heart goes out to you. I never want to live through that again.

    A majority of my blog was devoted to this story in 2010 starting in about April if you care to read about ALL the million things we did.

    For one, they cleaned their own underwear. They cleaned the floor and the toilet and the bathtub, too if they chose to make a mess of it. We had poop galore once it started and we would waffle between TONS and TONS of poop everywhere to not doing it for days. There were days I couldn't eat.

    Oh, my., don't get me started.

  2. Coming from a loooooong line of family constipation (I had a prolapsed rectum at 2 years old- earned the nickname "baboon butt") I COMPLETELY empathize.

    and will most certainly NOT apply! :)

  3. Apple juice - straight apple juice - lots of it -always got the poops going for us.


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