Welp
The boys had their first overnight visit with their mom since they have been in foster care which has been almost 21 months total.
I wrote a page and a half on what to do for C's medicine, when to make sure he goes to the bathroom, some tips on making it happen without tantrums, how we put them to bed, etc.
All she had to say about it in response was "We had a nice Christmas. Thanks for the picture." (we bought her this photo thing from Walmart.com, and it turned out kind of blurry which was frustrating, but it is still cute and has lots of pics of the kids on it)
The boys seemed like they had fun but they were totally exhausted...they came home and napped for 2.5 hours, and then we decided we just needed to wake them up because who knows how long they might have slept!
Last night C had a HUGE poop and told me "My butt hurts!" I asked if he had taken his medicine at his mom's...he said no. I asked if he had pooped at his mom's (he should have pooped twice there) and he said no again.
For those of you new readers I may have, let me explain why this is a big deal to me. When C moved in he had chronic constipation. Of course no one told us, so for months I thought maybe he was adjusting to the food we eat or something. Took him to the doctor (he has had the same one since he was a baby), he gave us meds with no instructions on when to give them, when to stop. The meds resulted in C pooping pretty much 24/7, I'm talking 5 or more dirty diapers a day, every single day. We went back a few different times, we got the same medicine every time. When he was not on the medicine, the child pooped once a week and pooping was like a 24-hour long scream-fest and it was extremely painful for C.
So basically I requested a new doctor, but bio mom still had medical rights and she did not want to get a new doctor. So then one day he was having a really bad poop and happened to be at her house...so she called me and asked me to take him to the emergency room (which I did...and then he pooped while we were waiting to be seen by the ER doctor).
I picked a new doctor, with the blessing of the rest of the team members. She said she wanted to pick one that was closer to her house...I said go ahead, but I'm taking him to the one I picked in the meantime. She has never picked a new doctor. The new doctor I picked referred us to a GI specialist. I have taken C to his appointments and invited mom but she has never come. He has been on a stool softener every single day for 8 months to allow his body to heal. I have followed the directions of the doctor, explained them to bio mom and sent her the literature the doctor gave me. And now it is getting to the point where the doctor would like to transition him off of the meds.
Unfortunately, the team is saying that he will also start regular overnights with his mom in January.
So basically, if she cannot or will not follow the instructions, this whole thing was for NOTHING. Months of work, gone. And of course C will just go back to "normal" which is not normal at all. I know it's kind of weird to tell a kid that it's time to try to go poop, but I have to say it WORKS for this child, and he is on a schedule, and if he gets off that schedule it is just painful and frustrating for everyone. And it can cause him to poop his pants which I think it's safe to say that a child that has been potty trained for close to a year would probably be pretty embarrassed to have that happen.
It's just so very frustrating. I sent an email to everyone letting them know what had gone on. We'll see what happens I guess.
ANYWAY we have had a really good Christmas so far. Saturday night while the boys were at their mom's we went over to my mom's house and got to hang with my brother and his wife, my sister and her husband, and their respective baby girls. We also got to munch on some really nasty Japanese snacks. I have to tell you, Japanese people do not know what's good! Their taste buds would probably explode with happiness if they ever ate, say, a Zebra Cake. Yeah, that's right. :)
We went to my husband's mom's house for Christmas last night, and the boys got SO many trucks and cars that light up and make all kinds of noises. It is, um, lovely? ;) I gave them a pan of dried beans to use their bulldozers in and that was the quietest they have been all morning.
Anyway I have lots of work to do and, honestly, some knitting I need to finish up. It's a hard life. ;)
Hope you all had a fabulous Christmas!!! :)
I wrote a page and a half on what to do for C's medicine, when to make sure he goes to the bathroom, some tips on making it happen without tantrums, how we put them to bed, etc.
All she had to say about it in response was "We had a nice Christmas. Thanks for the picture." (we bought her this photo thing from Walmart.com, and it turned out kind of blurry which was frustrating, but it is still cute and has lots of pics of the kids on it)
The boys seemed like they had fun but they were totally exhausted...they came home and napped for 2.5 hours, and then we decided we just needed to wake them up because who knows how long they might have slept!
Last night C had a HUGE poop and told me "My butt hurts!" I asked if he had taken his medicine at his mom's...he said no. I asked if he had pooped at his mom's (he should have pooped twice there) and he said no again.
For those of you new readers I may have, let me explain why this is a big deal to me. When C moved in he had chronic constipation. Of course no one told us, so for months I thought maybe he was adjusting to the food we eat or something. Took him to the doctor (he has had the same one since he was a baby), he gave us meds with no instructions on when to give them, when to stop. The meds resulted in C pooping pretty much 24/7, I'm talking 5 or more dirty diapers a day, every single day. We went back a few different times, we got the same medicine every time. When he was not on the medicine, the child pooped once a week and pooping was like a 24-hour long scream-fest and it was extremely painful for C.
So basically I requested a new doctor, but bio mom still had medical rights and she did not want to get a new doctor. So then one day he was having a really bad poop and happened to be at her house...so she called me and asked me to take him to the emergency room (which I did...and then he pooped while we were waiting to be seen by the ER doctor).
I picked a new doctor, with the blessing of the rest of the team members. She said she wanted to pick one that was closer to her house...I said go ahead, but I'm taking him to the one I picked in the meantime. She has never picked a new doctor. The new doctor I picked referred us to a GI specialist. I have taken C to his appointments and invited mom but she has never come. He has been on a stool softener every single day for 8 months to allow his body to heal. I have followed the directions of the doctor, explained them to bio mom and sent her the literature the doctor gave me. And now it is getting to the point where the doctor would like to transition him off of the meds.
Unfortunately, the team is saying that he will also start regular overnights with his mom in January.
So basically, if she cannot or will not follow the instructions, this whole thing was for NOTHING. Months of work, gone. And of course C will just go back to "normal" which is not normal at all. I know it's kind of weird to tell a kid that it's time to try to go poop, but I have to say it WORKS for this child, and he is on a schedule, and if he gets off that schedule it is just painful and frustrating for everyone. And it can cause him to poop his pants which I think it's safe to say that a child that has been potty trained for close to a year would probably be pretty embarrassed to have that happen.
It's just so very frustrating. I sent an email to everyone letting them know what had gone on. We'll see what happens I guess.
ANYWAY we have had a really good Christmas so far. Saturday night while the boys were at their mom's we went over to my mom's house and got to hang with my brother and his wife, my sister and her husband, and their respective baby girls. We also got to munch on some really nasty Japanese snacks. I have to tell you, Japanese people do not know what's good! Their taste buds would probably explode with happiness if they ever ate, say, a Zebra Cake. Yeah, that's right. :)
We went to my husband's mom's house for Christmas last night, and the boys got SO many trucks and cars that light up and make all kinds of noises. It is, um, lovely? ;) I gave them a pan of dried beans to use their bulldozers in and that was the quietest they have been all morning.
Anyway I have lots of work to do and, honestly, some knitting I need to finish up. It's a hard life. ;)
Hope you all had a fabulous Christmas!!! :)
i understand what you mean. it is hard to get a child's health issues under control, only to have a bio parent not care about them enough to keep working on it. that isn't right
ReplyDeleteOk, I know the mom has suddenly made tons of progress, weren't her rights to be terminated LONG ago due to their time length in foster care?
ReplyDeletePrayers that there is some follow-up on the poop situation. My sister suffers from the same issues and it is a very serious matter.