Visits, Bible studies, and friends....loooong
Well the boys' case appears to be progressing. More of the visits are moving to monitored, and there is talk of adding additional visits if the monitored-ness works out. The GAL was all "The visits will be like this, then like this, then like this, then they will go home!" I am a little sad, and I really do feel like these kids will go home. I just want to get this process over with. That probably sounds bad - but if they are going to go home after living in OUR home for a year and 2 months, I think it's understandable that the earlier these ties are severed the better, as long as bio mom has her stuff together. But I am just tired of feeling so torn, tired of having a certain 12 year old that disagrees with every single thing that I do in my parenting, including time outs, naps, sleep schedules, feeding, etc etc etc, and I'm tired of driving him all over the country to get to school, and tired of his ungratefulness.
This is kind of off topic, but the other night my husband I watched an Undercover Boss, and one of the kids on there was a 20 year old managing a Subway store, and he was so kind and well-mannered and he gave all the credit for where he was in his life to his foster mom, who adopted him out of foster care (and he called her "mom"). It made me cry because I don't think D could ever, EVER feel that way about me if we adopt these kids. So really, for his sake, it is just best to get this over with. I will be super sad to see them go and I know this is probably going to drag on for several more months at the minimum, but I am kind of just ready to be done with these parents and D.
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In other news, last year I was in a MUMs group at church. I kind of think I'm not going to do that this year. It is for mothers of young children, which I kind of am...but I just didn't really feel I connected. It seems like for a lot of folks their entire lives revolve around their kids, which is fine...but mine doesn't. And people are always talking about pregnancy and breastfeeding and schedules and birth weights and due dates and doing fun things that we can't do because of visits or daycare schedules. Whereas I am talking about visit schedules and court dates and behavior problems and therapy...I just felt really out of place. I realize that some of that is simply my personality, I never fit in very easily. Not to mention being in a rather unique situation from a parenting perspective. But I think I am going to try to find a group with more mixed ages, just to be with people with a variety of experiences and also to meet people with older children or who have already raised children. God knows we need all the help with D that we can get.
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Speaking of that, we met some people at a church breakfast a few months ago and then ran into them at another church breakfast yesterday. The breakfast was for kids in middle school and high school and their parents. Anyway, they have a son that is 11 and they invited us over for dinner. I am pretty excited. The mom has a unique perspective because when she and her husband got married he already had children from another marriage, so she was thrown into being a parent of a 5 year old and an 8 year old. I am hoping that all of us will hit it off!
We have been talking about starting some kind of group for foster parents. Not necessarily a bible study, but just a group where we can get together and talk to other foster parents. I know there are several of them at our church and I just have to wonder if they all feel the same way I do! I want to start something but I also don't want to have to be the leader. So if someone else could start something and then let us know, that would be great. :)
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Anyway I guess I am feeling a little morose tonight. For good news, though, school starts tomorrow (Hallelujah! for real) and we are getting carpet installed in our basement a week from today! Speaking of that, I need to try to locate some cheap bunk beds. If anyone has any leads, let me know!
Oh and we had our first camping trip as a family this past weekend. Overall it went well, though the little boys didn't get quite enough sleep since they were up until almost 11 p.m. in the tent just talking to themselves! Bad boys! D brought his cousin, and they were up at ridiculous hours of the night. I woke up at 4 a.m. to them being loud so i had to put the smack down! It was a full moon so it was really bright, which was rather unfortunate I think. Also, I lost my husband's wedding ring. I was holding onto one of the dogs and trying to keep an eye on the boys, and he handed me his ring but I had nowhere to put it. I slipped it on my thumb but his fingers are huge and it wouldn't come even close to staying on any of my fingers...well anyway, it is lost. Somewhere on the swim beach, probably. :(
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D has his first triathlon on Saturday, so that will be fun. He hasn't really been training for the past month or so, he seems to think he "trained enough" so we'll see what happens! He said he isn't going to be upset if he comes in last. I don't really know what to expect, but I do know that most of the kids in his age group will be older than him since he is in the 12-14 age group. So that makes me a little nervous, just because I don't want him to be upset/discouraged if he finishes towards the back of the pack. Oh well I guess, he has made the choice on how much training he is putting in! Maybe it will be a good lesson for him. He's a pretty athletic kid so I'm not worried about him being able to finish though.
My triathlon training is going pretty well. I am getting faster on the bike and much more comfortable swimming too. I swam 1200 yards continuously the other day, which was the furthest I've ever gone in my life. It was slow, but I did it. I have to swim 1500 for my race so I feel like I am capable of that at this point. As long as I don't drown I should at least finish the race, but I am prepared to be one of the last people to be done just because of my overall slowness! I don't anticipate going faster than 14 mph on the bike, which means the bike portion alone will take me 1.5 to 2 hours to complete. Plus another hour for the run, plus probably 30-45 minutes for the swim. Worst case scenario, this race could take me almost 4 hours! Also I forgot to tell you that I wrecked my bike pretty badly last weekend. I mean it could have been WAY worse but I definitely got some road rash and tore my favorite jersey. But I'm healing up well, and my bike wasn't damaged which is awesome. :) Also I still wear that jersey...it's just a few small holes and I'm so fast no one can see them anyway. ;)
This is kind of off topic, but the other night my husband I watched an Undercover Boss, and one of the kids on there was a 20 year old managing a Subway store, and he was so kind and well-mannered and he gave all the credit for where he was in his life to his foster mom, who adopted him out of foster care (and he called her "mom"). It made me cry because I don't think D could ever, EVER feel that way about me if we adopt these kids. So really, for his sake, it is just best to get this over with. I will be super sad to see them go and I know this is probably going to drag on for several more months at the minimum, but I am kind of just ready to be done with these parents and D.
______________________________________________
In other news, last year I was in a MUMs group at church. I kind of think I'm not going to do that this year. It is for mothers of young children, which I kind of am...but I just didn't really feel I connected. It seems like for a lot of folks their entire lives revolve around their kids, which is fine...but mine doesn't. And people are always talking about pregnancy and breastfeeding and schedules and birth weights and due dates and doing fun things that we can't do because of visits or daycare schedules. Whereas I am talking about visit schedules and court dates and behavior problems and therapy...I just felt really out of place. I realize that some of that is simply my personality, I never fit in very easily. Not to mention being in a rather unique situation from a parenting perspective. But I think I am going to try to find a group with more mixed ages, just to be with people with a variety of experiences and also to meet people with older children or who have already raised children. God knows we need all the help with D that we can get.
______________________________________________
Speaking of that, we met some people at a church breakfast a few months ago and then ran into them at another church breakfast yesterday. The breakfast was for kids in middle school and high school and their parents. Anyway, they have a son that is 11 and they invited us over for dinner. I am pretty excited. The mom has a unique perspective because when she and her husband got married he already had children from another marriage, so she was thrown into being a parent of a 5 year old and an 8 year old. I am hoping that all of us will hit it off!
We have been talking about starting some kind of group for foster parents. Not necessarily a bible study, but just a group where we can get together and talk to other foster parents. I know there are several of them at our church and I just have to wonder if they all feel the same way I do! I want to start something but I also don't want to have to be the leader. So if someone else could start something and then let us know, that would be great. :)
______________________________________________
Anyway I guess I am feeling a little morose tonight. For good news, though, school starts tomorrow (Hallelujah! for real) and we are getting carpet installed in our basement a week from today! Speaking of that, I need to try to locate some cheap bunk beds. If anyone has any leads, let me know!
Oh and we had our first camping trip as a family this past weekend. Overall it went well, though the little boys didn't get quite enough sleep since they were up until almost 11 p.m. in the tent just talking to themselves! Bad boys! D brought his cousin, and they were up at ridiculous hours of the night. I woke up at 4 a.m. to them being loud so i had to put the smack down! It was a full moon so it was really bright, which was rather unfortunate I think. Also, I lost my husband's wedding ring. I was holding onto one of the dogs and trying to keep an eye on the boys, and he handed me his ring but I had nowhere to put it. I slipped it on my thumb but his fingers are huge and it wouldn't come even close to staying on any of my fingers...well anyway, it is lost. Somewhere on the swim beach, probably. :(
______________________________________________
D has his first triathlon on Saturday, so that will be fun. He hasn't really been training for the past month or so, he seems to think he "trained enough" so we'll see what happens! He said he isn't going to be upset if he comes in last. I don't really know what to expect, but I do know that most of the kids in his age group will be older than him since he is in the 12-14 age group. So that makes me a little nervous, just because I don't want him to be upset/discouraged if he finishes towards the back of the pack. Oh well I guess, he has made the choice on how much training he is putting in! Maybe it will be a good lesson for him. He's a pretty athletic kid so I'm not worried about him being able to finish though.
My triathlon training is going pretty well. I am getting faster on the bike and much more comfortable swimming too. I swam 1200 yards continuously the other day, which was the furthest I've ever gone in my life. It was slow, but I did it. I have to swim 1500 for my race so I feel like I am capable of that at this point. As long as I don't drown I should at least finish the race, but I am prepared to be one of the last people to be done just because of my overall slowness! I don't anticipate going faster than 14 mph on the bike, which means the bike portion alone will take me 1.5 to 2 hours to complete. Plus another hour for the run, plus probably 30-45 minutes for the swim. Worst case scenario, this race could take me almost 4 hours! Also I forgot to tell you that I wrecked my bike pretty badly last weekend. I mean it could have been WAY worse but I definitely got some road rash and tore my favorite jersey. But I'm healing up well, and my bike wasn't damaged which is awesome. :) Also I still wear that jersey...it's just a few small holes and I'm so fast no one can see them anyway. ;)
Let me assure you that the attitude of a twelve year old has almost nothing to do with how they will feel as adults. I gave everyone a very hard way to go, attitude and lots of smart mouthed sarcasm. I was too frustrated with the absurdity of my even being in foster care in the first place to appreciate anything anyone did for me. Today I count those very people among my greatest blessings and some of my best friends to this day. Just because you can't see it now doesn't mean it won't happen. There is still hope.
ReplyDeleteThank you for some much-needed perspective. It is a new day and I feel much better! This too shall pass, in one way or the other. :)
ReplyDelete