Not

Relinquishment was supposed to happen yesterday. It didn't. Are you surprised? Nope? Good, because neither am I.

So I guess they are just going to go forward with the termination trial. Which is currently scheduled for the end of July, but I guess we'll see if it gets moved again.

I'm not sure how contact will work...if we would still be able to let her see the kids if they terminate on her, or really even if we would WANT her to see them. If she doesn't want to relinquish then I think that says something about how she feels about us as parents. She decided 2 months ago to relinquish, so I am not sure why she hasn't done it yet. There have definitely been opportunities though, she just hasn't for whatever reason. I am sure it's hard to do that. But given the alternative, it seems like it would be the lesser of two evils.

We had some friends over on Saturday. They have a 6 month old daughter, and as C was peering at her in her little carrier he asked "Why is their baby white?" Hmmmm! I am sad to say I can relate to his feelings. I am so used to seeing black kids that seeing that other people have white kids is kind of a strange thing for me. :)

Sunday we had Y's birthday party. It was like 95 degrees and we got the kid pool out and grilled. Only our family members came since Y only wanted "some" people to come over instead of "a lot" of people. My mom and dad were able to pick up our niece, who is about 2 months younger than M. And my sister is here from Japan, so she and her husband brought their daughter who is just shy of 6 months younger than M. So, naturally, we dressed the girls up in matching outfits and took pictures of them together. They loved it. By loved it, I mean they actually hated it. They have many more years of getting dressed up together ahead of them though! He he he he! They were seriously adorable, even with their frowny faces on.

M's old foster mom came to the birthday party. Once she arrived M had only eyes for her. It made me a little sad, I'm not gonna lie, but in my heart I know it's a good thing. I'm glad they have such a strong bond and I'm glad that that bond will get to remain intact. And in the meantime, we will keep working on M's bond with all of the rest of us.

I guess that's it. Oh I also signed up for a 31 mile race. Running. That is in October, so I'll be running my brains out the next few months training for it. And I have been getting up at 4:30 or 4:45 every morning and doing boot camp with my church. Also I have been running to and from boot camp and sometimes riding my bike. And really, it's not that bad! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sore, because I am, but I have to admit that having all my working out done by 7 a.m. is pretty awesome. And it's light enough to see by 5:15 a.m., for real. That's one of the nice things about summer I guess. :)

Comments

  1. Typically, if a termination trial happens and TPR is granted, there will be no contact agreement. Theoretically, they are doing TPR because the parent is unfit to parent and poses a danger to the child - therefore why would they grant future contact? This is why relinquishment is even offered - first it allows the parent to avoid the risk of trial and, if TPR would be granted the risk of a forced termination of parental rights. Forced TPRs are much more damaging to a parent - in our state if you have a forced TPR that can be grounds to automatically remove a child in the future (not that it's done that way all the time). A relinquishment, no matter the circumstances that led to it, can be seen more as a "wise-choice" for the child with the parent looking at the child's best interest - so in essence it's an opportunity for the parent to save face and protect him/herself long-term. The state(s) offer contact as a carrot to relinquishment - the parent gets to negotiate some sort of contact and the state doesn't have to proceed with a child.

    All that to say that if it goes to hearing and TPR is granted there most likely wouldn't be any sort of contact agreement through the courts.

    If that's the case then once adoption is finalized you have full responsibility and rights to choose the contact your child has with anyone and yet no obligation. Obviously if you told the state that you intended to let mom keep the kids for a week a month the state might question your fit as adoptive parent and ability to protect the child from the family who lost rights. But, aside from that, as long as you are keeping the children safe you get to choose what contact you will or won't have moving forward.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the info! I'm not sure if her refusal to relinquish will change our stance on contact or not. Or maybe she has changed her mind on even wanting the contact, I don't know. I haven't had any contact with her in a month and she hasn't seen the kids in a month and a half. I guess we still have a while before we have to make any decisions. :/

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