So, pumping isn't going so hot. I'm making about 5 ounces per day. Yes, that is total, for literally hours is work.  I downloaded an app to keep track of supply, and while it's helpful to see the total for the past few days it's also frustrating to see when it gets lower.

Apparently pcos (which I have) can cause milk supply problems. And I had a stressful weekend, and I know I haven't been getting enough sleep and  I also am not sure if I'm eating enough. I gained 20 lbs with pregnancy, my baby weighed 3, and when I got home from the hospital I had lost 5 lbs total. At this point, 15 days post partum, I've lost 13 lbs total. I'm not sure if that is too much too fast or if it's ok.

So I am trying to pump more frequently during the day, take a nap every day, get to bed earlier if I can, and also just eat more. I'm always running and I can't eat in the NICU so that probably hurts my calorie intake too.

I want to at least keep it up until he is strong enough to try breast feeding. I feel like maybe if we could do that it would help.  Nothing is really going the way I had "planned"it at all.

I am going to stick with it though, every bit I can give him is good and will help him.

Ben is about the same. Today is day 5 of his fast. He is trying to suck on everything in sight, which makes me wonder if he is hungry. Last night he was back up to his birth weight when they weighed him!  He is looking more filled out and not like such a wrinkly old man. He receives some nutrition and fluids through a picc line, so at least he is staying hydrated and getting some calories.

They do think he had NEC, but a minor case.  They haven't done rounds yet today so I don't know if they have the results from the brain ultrasound he was supposed to have this morning.

I started reading the Bible to Ben when I hold him. I hope he can know me and know my voice even though lots of people take care of him.  It's kind of silly, I started in Genesis and even though he can't understand what I say I still skip the bad parts, like Lot's daughters sleeping with him and people killing each other! :) I skip the boring parts like so and so begat so and so.   Zzzzzzz. :)

The doc just came in and said that his brain looks better, so it appears to be going away. Also she said that on a scale of one to ten, his tummy troubles were about a 2, so that is good.  All good news, but the weeks (months?) until he can come home seem to stretch out forever.

Edited to add: I forgot that I had decided that I was going to try to get some light exercise. I thought a good way to do that might be to go up and down the stairs at the parking garage at the hospital (I always have to park on the 3rd floor, but you have to be on the 1st to get into the hospital).  I did it two days ago, just down the 2 flights of stairs, then back up the two flights when it was time to go. I hadn't bled for a few days, then that day when I got home I was bleeding.  Yesterday I also did the stairs...and started bleeding again. More proof that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak! I'll continue taking the elevator for a while. :)


  1. Try not to think about how long all the healing and growing will take and just take it one day at a time or it becomes completely overwelming.I know easier said then done:) so glad to get an update I was starting to worry. Will keep your family in my prayers that all continues to go well I know it feels so overweming when your in the middle of all of this and improvments are small and seem to take forever but you are doing awesome!! Sending Love:)

  2. You're doing so amazing! I made plenty of breastmilk for feeding my babies, but I could never pump very much - one ounce was HUGE for me. This video, while it didn't solve my problem entirely, helped tremendously. Hang in there!

  3. I was gonna say, I have successfully nursed two babies and pumping wasn't working for me either. I would say that my Avent hand breat pump made my milk come in better than the electric pump. A lot better.

  4. If you can just hold on to your milk supply, even if it isn't much, until he can start nursing, your body will respond much better to him and you'll probably find that your milk supply will increase to meet his needs. It might take a little while, but usually in the NICU they only let them nurse for a short time at the beginning anyways. Even the best pumps don't get anywhere near what baby does to your body when they nurse. So, don't give up unless you really just can't stand it.

  5. Please try to get a prescription for domperidone if you can. It WILL help with supply.

    When Eva was in ICU I read her the psalms. They were comforting to me too.

    Thinking about you and Ben.

  6. I really admire how you are approaching parenting with all your kids, including the newest one. I know you must be frustrated with all the weird developments and I'm sure none of this was part of your plan. Theologically, I can't say it was part of God's plan, (although He knew what was going to happen) but that is for another discussion! Just keep doing the best you can and remember you don't have a capitol "S" on the front of your outfits! I'm so proud of you!!

  7. No exercising yet, Mandy's orders. ;) Your pumping does a lot better than mine ever did. Whenever I got more than 1 or 2 oz I had one of my babies nursing on the other side. There is just something about that suckling baby. I agree with some of the others. If you can keep it going then it will really kick in once Ben can nurse. I am glad he is okay. I keep checking in for his status.


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