Time for an update
Finally, finally, the C Monster is going to start seeing a therapist next week. I have been trying to get therapy for him off and on since he moved in with us over 2 years ago, but have always been told he was too young. Recently when his tantrums escalated and he gave himself a bloody nose banging his face on the floor when he was upset, I asked again for therapy. And I got it, yaaaaay!
He has had a lot of changes in his life recently. His mom ended visits in May and relinquished her rights in July, his dad's rights were terminated in July. Visits with both parties were abruptly stopped, with I'm sure what feels like little to no closure for him. Meanwhile M moved in with us, and into his bedroom, in May as well. There are a couple other big changes coming down the pike in the next year or so too.
I just feel like something is wrong. He is not nearly as affectionate with me as he used to be. He has never been as attached to me as the other kids have, but he has always been one that likes to be held or likes to sit on my lap even if just for a few moments. The only time he shows affection is when I pick him up from preschool and he screams "MOMMY!" and runs over and hugs me...but I almost feel like he is doing it because he sees other kids doing it, like it is a show for them. I don't feel like he is genuinely happy to see me. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, I don't know. Maybe he is just growing up. He only gives me a hug goodnight if Y and/or M do it first, and again it is like he is doing it because he sees them doing it so he thinks it is what he is supposed to do even if he doesn't really want to.
He seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in time-out. His teacher told me yesterday at preschool that he is not laying still on his mat during nap time, in fact he is doing summersaults and it sounds like generally causing a ruckus, so he might have to start loosing his outside play time there. I have never gotten any bad reports from preschool for him, ever.
He tells me that he misses his mom, and I don't know what to say. She can see him, but she hasn't made any effort to do so. I tell him I'm sorry but I know it's not enough and I don't know what else I am supposed to say. I feel like this can and should be addressed but I just don't know how to do it.
He just seems sad and it makes me sad too.
D started school at his new school. He is the only black kid in his grade. I think partially he enjoys the attention but he tells me he can't relate to white people because they are "different". This is the same kid whose "girlfriends" have all been white (that I know of) and whose best friend is also white. I feel like I kind of get it to some extent, but at the same time he still has all his black friends from his old school and he talks to them every day on facebook and he has invited one of them over, one of them has spent the night here. So I don't know I guess.
Yesterday by 6:30 I was so frazzled that I filled up the bathtub with bubbles and stuck the three little ones in, hoping that with all of them in a small space their naughtiness would be contained. Eeeep. Yesterday was not a very good day! And this morning all 3 had various tantrums over various things. It was quite lovely. M's old foster mom is picking her up today for a few hours, and I think I might take the boys to go do something fun with just the 3 of us, maybe to the zoo since it's nice out. We have finally broken out of the 100-degree highs every day weather pattern and it is fabulous. Windows have been open all day here! The grass in our yard is still brown and our city is on water restrictions, but at least it's cool out. :)
Anyway life is really not all bad, not at all. It's just been a hard couple of days. I don't know why kids have to be so naughty. :)
He has had a lot of changes in his life recently. His mom ended visits in May and relinquished her rights in July, his dad's rights were terminated in July. Visits with both parties were abruptly stopped, with I'm sure what feels like little to no closure for him. Meanwhile M moved in with us, and into his bedroom, in May as well. There are a couple other big changes coming down the pike in the next year or so too.
I just feel like something is wrong. He is not nearly as affectionate with me as he used to be. He has never been as attached to me as the other kids have, but he has always been one that likes to be held or likes to sit on my lap even if just for a few moments. The only time he shows affection is when I pick him up from preschool and he screams "MOMMY!" and runs over and hugs me...but I almost feel like he is doing it because he sees other kids doing it, like it is a show for them. I don't feel like he is genuinely happy to see me. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, I don't know. Maybe he is just growing up. He only gives me a hug goodnight if Y and/or M do it first, and again it is like he is doing it because he sees them doing it so he thinks it is what he is supposed to do even if he doesn't really want to.
He seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in time-out. His teacher told me yesterday at preschool that he is not laying still on his mat during nap time, in fact he is doing summersaults and it sounds like generally causing a ruckus, so he might have to start loosing his outside play time there. I have never gotten any bad reports from preschool for him, ever.
He tells me that he misses his mom, and I don't know what to say. She can see him, but she hasn't made any effort to do so. I tell him I'm sorry but I know it's not enough and I don't know what else I am supposed to say. I feel like this can and should be addressed but I just don't know how to do it.
He just seems sad and it makes me sad too.
D started school at his new school. He is the only black kid in his grade. I think partially he enjoys the attention but he tells me he can't relate to white people because they are "different". This is the same kid whose "girlfriends" have all been white (that I know of) and whose best friend is also white. I feel like I kind of get it to some extent, but at the same time he still has all his black friends from his old school and he talks to them every day on facebook and he has invited one of them over, one of them has spent the night here. So I don't know I guess.
Yesterday by 6:30 I was so frazzled that I filled up the bathtub with bubbles and stuck the three little ones in, hoping that with all of them in a small space their naughtiness would be contained. Eeeep. Yesterday was not a very good day! And this morning all 3 had various tantrums over various things. It was quite lovely. M's old foster mom is picking her up today for a few hours, and I think I might take the boys to go do something fun with just the 3 of us, maybe to the zoo since it's nice out. We have finally broken out of the 100-degree highs every day weather pattern and it is fabulous. Windows have been open all day here! The grass in our yard is still brown and our city is on water restrictions, but at least it's cool out. :)
Anyway life is really not all bad, not at all. It's just been a hard couple of days. I don't know why kids have to be so naughty. :)
I will be praying for C. I had both Tot and Tyke in therapy today. Tyke's immediate issues are becoming less and less. Therapy has been a huge blessing. Its weird sometimes because it seems like the therapist is telling him the same things I am saying, but in Tyke's eyes it give me credibility. However, we still haven't addressed the fact that Tyke can't hold still. He flips all over when he feels uncomfortable or unsure of the boundaries. He is most calm and happy in a very structured environment. I can't even imagine him trying to rest on a mat on the floor. He would always be all over the place.
ReplyDeleteNow that X can talk a little better I have been suggesting therapy for him too. Trust your mom instincts. A lot is happening in C's little life.
ReplyDelete