"My bad Mommy"

Following on the toes of my last post...

That same night we were sitting at dinner. Our kitchen window faces the front yard and as we were eating 3 horses and riders came moseying out of the woods and walked up the street like it was no big deal. I pointed it out and everyone was surprised including me...honestly you don't see something like that every day, though your odds are probably a little better if you live in hick town like we do!  The little boys were pretty excited.

Fast forward to breakfast the next morning.  C and Y were having a conversation about getting and riding horses (naturally!).  Y said he was going to ride a horse with Mommy and Daddy, but then C informed him that only two people could be on the same horse so he would have to ride with Mommy and C would ride with Daddy. Then C asked Y, "Will you ride with our good Mommy or our bad Mommy?"  I jumped in, "Wait, who is the bad mommy?" C: "Our other Mommy is the bad mommy because she made sad choices!" Then Y said he wants to ride the horse with the good mommy, and C decided he wants to ride the horse with the good daddy.

Now, just as easily I could have been dubbed the "bad mommy", say because I put them in time out, don't give them candy, or any number of reasons (all of which are completely irrational of course!).

So that was an interesting conversation.  We probably don't want them going around and talking about their "bad mommy" and "bad daddy" but I guess they kind of got the picture. And it seems like they trust the information that I gave to them which is amazing because D never believes what we say...or at least that's how it feels.


  1. Our kids thought they were "bad" or "wrong" because their parents were bad. By the time our children got to us for adoption, they had been in care for many years and, it was hard to say that their parents had done a lot of good things during that time. We assure our children that their b-parents have good parts and that our children have inherited all of their good parts--not the other parts. The goodness/badness of the kids' bio family can be hard to navigate without our kids picking up negative messages and drawing conclusions that seem obvious to them, even though our adult minds would conclude just the opposite. Such a minefield sometimes!

    I'm glad that your foster kids are learning to trust and feel safe with you.


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