Week 1 - Huge learning curve!
Well it's only Friday, but I seriously feel like I got hit by a truck. I am plum worn out. I don't even know where to start.
The boys' school is 20 minutes away, because they are continuing to go to the school that they went to when they lived with their mom. So every day I spend about an hour and a half to two hours driving them to and from school. Husband has been crazy busy at work, so most mornings I have been getting them around for school alone. And a lot of times I'm winging it in the evenings too for at least part of the evening, again because he is just so busy with work.
I think we are going to implement a new system, which one of my dear friends told me about. I made them charts with things they have to do in the mornings, and things they have to do at night. These are things like "eat breakfast", "put on clean socks, underwear, pants and shirt", "brush your teeth", etc. I know it sound simple, but let me tell you - I don't think these are your average kids. I have seen them dig dirty clothes out of the hamper to wear. I have seen them take clothes off that they have worn all day and put them into their dresser. I have seen them re-wear the same socks that they wore yesterday! Ewwww! Do all kids do stuff like this?? I have no idea! It is really disgusting. So just keeping them in clean clothes is somewhat of a task. But anyway, back to the charts. So I think we are going to give them 10 cents each day if they do all the tasks on their chart without me having to hound them about it. It's a pretty small reward, but they respond so well to positive reinforcement. We haven't implemented this yet, I'm hoping we can start on Sunday.
We've just been running all week it seems like. Monday after school I took the boys swimming. It's kind of a challenge to take them because I obviously cannot go into the locker rooms with them to ensure that they are behaving and etc. I have to have them put all their clothes into a bag after they change and bring them to me at the pool, so I can hang onto them because I definitely don't think they could probably remember a locker combination. So anyway, Monday we went swimming. Afterwards, I sat in the lobby and waited for them...and waited...and waited...Finally they both come out of the locker room - C fully dressed, Y still in his swim trunks. Why, you ask? Well apparently I tied the knot on them too tight and he couldn't get them off.
So Tuesday they want to go swimming again, and Brian was busy so I figured why not? And then Y cannot find his swimming trunks. We looked in both cars, in his bag, in every drawer, etc. So I think well, maybe he left them at the YMCA (but he SWEARS he didn't!). I call the YMCA and they say "Oh sorry, we can't check for you, you'll have to just come in and look." Uhm...ok. So we're on the way to the pool and the thought crosses my mind - I should ask if they have homework. By this time it's like 7 p.m. So I ask and...Y pipes up and says "Yes I have homework!" Then C gets this really worried look on his face and says "I think I'm supposed to be at school right now!! It's on the paper!!" The "paper" is in his backpack...which is at home. These kids just moved in with us 2 days ago, I have no clue about what is going on at their school. So we go to the YMCA, pick up Y's shorts, and then go back home because of homework plus C possibly needing to go back to school. Thankfully we found out the school thing was on Wednesday, not Tuesday. Whew!
So Wednesday we spent the evening at the school. Oh and I drove to and from their school FOUR times. Yes, that's right. Once to take them to school. Once to go tutor there (I tutor first graders once a week at their school). Once to pick them up from school. And once to go to the program.
Then Thursday their caseworker lady came over to chat with us and to tell the boys that they were moving in with us, and have us fill out some paperwork. Only...she left the paperwork at her work. And she didn't really have many answers to our questions. We want to go visit my parents, who live only a half hour away but are in another state. In order to leave the state we need permission. We asked for permission on Monday, the day after we got the kids, and at this point hadn't heard anything about that. Plus there is still the issue of their clothes and stuff, which is at their old foster mom's house. We still have no idea when we are getting that stuff. And I just found out today that Y is supposed to be wearing glasses all the time, and they are at his old foster mom's. Awesome.
Anyway, today I just went to a donation site for foster kids and picked up a bunch of clothes for C. Waiting to get clothes from his old foster mom has been incredibly frustrating. Before I left I checked the sizes of his shirts and pants. Y needed a jacket because we didn't have one here, plus his shoes were like falling apart. Thankfully I picked out the right size of jacket and shoes for Y! C hasn't seen the clothes I picked for him yet but I tried to pick clothes that I thought he'd like. So we'll see.
Oh and Y is 8 years old, C is 9 years old. C, at the age of 9, is 4 inches shorter than me. He is a giant!!!
I should also add that we are not technically licensed by the state yet. They were waiting on a background check...which I found out today that someone at the foster care agency actually DID have, but left to go on medical leave so it has just been sitting on her desk for who knows how long (we finished our classes in February). Which is awesome, because these boys have been waiting to move in with us for like a month. I know these people are crazy busy and have a ton going on. I really wish that about twice as many caseworkers would be hired, and their caseloads cut in half. I think it wold make a huge difference.
I was so proud of the boys last night. I took them swimming (are you noticing a theme?) and Y found a pair of goggles that a lifeguard said he could use. Without me having to say a word to them, the boys switched off every couple of minutes and did an awesome job of sharing. I let them swim for 5 extra minutes. I was so proud I almost cried. I am already pretty attached to them. I can be kind of like a drill sergeant, but I surely do care about them a lot! I'm going to be sad to see them go, whenever that happens. :(
We've just been learning a lot about how to handle things with them, what they are and are not capable of, etc. Learning things like how long it takes them to eat breakfast (20-25 minutes to finish a bowl of cereal??). Learning rules that they apparently never learned, such as please use your utensils when you eat, don't get up from the table and randomly wander around the house while eating, dry off IN the shower rather than getting out of the shower soaking wet and dripping water everywhere, etc. My brain is on learning and decision making overload. Decisions like how do I handle this, does this deserve a reprimand or a punishment, plus trying to remind myself to be patient and watch my tone of voice, etc. Being a parent is hard. :)
The boys' school is 20 minutes away, because they are continuing to go to the school that they went to when they lived with their mom. So every day I spend about an hour and a half to two hours driving them to and from school. Husband has been crazy busy at work, so most mornings I have been getting them around for school alone. And a lot of times I'm winging it in the evenings too for at least part of the evening, again because he is just so busy with work.
I think we are going to implement a new system, which one of my dear friends told me about. I made them charts with things they have to do in the mornings, and things they have to do at night. These are things like "eat breakfast", "put on clean socks, underwear, pants and shirt", "brush your teeth", etc. I know it sound simple, but let me tell you - I don't think these are your average kids. I have seen them dig dirty clothes out of the hamper to wear. I have seen them take clothes off that they have worn all day and put them into their dresser. I have seen them re-wear the same socks that they wore yesterday! Ewwww! Do all kids do stuff like this?? I have no idea! It is really disgusting. So just keeping them in clean clothes is somewhat of a task. But anyway, back to the charts. So I think we are going to give them 10 cents each day if they do all the tasks on their chart without me having to hound them about it. It's a pretty small reward, but they respond so well to positive reinforcement. We haven't implemented this yet, I'm hoping we can start on Sunday.
We've just been running all week it seems like. Monday after school I took the boys swimming. It's kind of a challenge to take them because I obviously cannot go into the locker rooms with them to ensure that they are behaving and etc. I have to have them put all their clothes into a bag after they change and bring them to me at the pool, so I can hang onto them because I definitely don't think they could probably remember a locker combination. So anyway, Monday we went swimming. Afterwards, I sat in the lobby and waited for them...and waited...and waited...Finally they both come out of the locker room - C fully dressed, Y still in his swim trunks. Why, you ask? Well apparently I tied the knot on them too tight and he couldn't get them off.
So Tuesday they want to go swimming again, and Brian was busy so I figured why not? And then Y cannot find his swimming trunks. We looked in both cars, in his bag, in every drawer, etc. So I think well, maybe he left them at the YMCA (but he SWEARS he didn't!). I call the YMCA and they say "Oh sorry, we can't check for you, you'll have to just come in and look." Uhm...ok. So we're on the way to the pool and the thought crosses my mind - I should ask if they have homework. By this time it's like 7 p.m. So I ask and...Y pipes up and says "Yes I have homework!" Then C gets this really worried look on his face and says "I think I'm supposed to be at school right now!! It's on the paper!!" The "paper" is in his backpack...which is at home. These kids just moved in with us 2 days ago, I have no clue about what is going on at their school. So we go to the YMCA, pick up Y's shorts, and then go back home because of homework plus C possibly needing to go back to school. Thankfully we found out the school thing was on Wednesday, not Tuesday. Whew!
So Wednesday we spent the evening at the school. Oh and I drove to and from their school FOUR times. Yes, that's right. Once to take them to school. Once to go tutor there (I tutor first graders once a week at their school). Once to pick them up from school. And once to go to the program.
Then Thursday their caseworker lady came over to chat with us and to tell the boys that they were moving in with us, and have us fill out some paperwork. Only...she left the paperwork at her work. And she didn't really have many answers to our questions. We want to go visit my parents, who live only a half hour away but are in another state. In order to leave the state we need permission. We asked for permission on Monday, the day after we got the kids, and at this point hadn't heard anything about that. Plus there is still the issue of their clothes and stuff, which is at their old foster mom's house. We still have no idea when we are getting that stuff. And I just found out today that Y is supposed to be wearing glasses all the time, and they are at his old foster mom's. Awesome.
Anyway, today I just went to a donation site for foster kids and picked up a bunch of clothes for C. Waiting to get clothes from his old foster mom has been incredibly frustrating. Before I left I checked the sizes of his shirts and pants. Y needed a jacket because we didn't have one here, plus his shoes were like falling apart. Thankfully I picked out the right size of jacket and shoes for Y! C hasn't seen the clothes I picked for him yet but I tried to pick clothes that I thought he'd like. So we'll see.
Oh and Y is 8 years old, C is 9 years old. C, at the age of 9, is 4 inches shorter than me. He is a giant!!!
I should also add that we are not technically licensed by the state yet. They were waiting on a background check...which I found out today that someone at the foster care agency actually DID have, but left to go on medical leave so it has just been sitting on her desk for who knows how long (we finished our classes in February). Which is awesome, because these boys have been waiting to move in with us for like a month. I know these people are crazy busy and have a ton going on. I really wish that about twice as many caseworkers would be hired, and their caseloads cut in half. I think it wold make a huge difference.
I was so proud of the boys last night. I took them swimming (are you noticing a theme?) and Y found a pair of goggles that a lifeguard said he could use. Without me having to say a word to them, the boys switched off every couple of minutes and did an awesome job of sharing. I let them swim for 5 extra minutes. I was so proud I almost cried. I am already pretty attached to them. I can be kind of like a drill sergeant, but I surely do care about them a lot! I'm going to be sad to see them go, whenever that happens. :(
We've just been learning a lot about how to handle things with them, what they are and are not capable of, etc. Learning things like how long it takes them to eat breakfast (20-25 minutes to finish a bowl of cereal??). Learning rules that they apparently never learned, such as please use your utensils when you eat, don't get up from the table and randomly wander around the house while eating, dry off IN the shower rather than getting out of the shower soaking wet and dripping water everywhere, etc. My brain is on learning and decision making overload. Decisions like how do I handle this, does this deserve a reprimand or a punishment, plus trying to remind myself to be patient and watch my tone of voice, etc. Being a parent is hard. :)
All I can say is, wow Brynn. You guys have very full hands and very full hearts.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you guys. We love the boys - they are so fun and really well behaved - especially considering what they have been through in their short lives. We have told so many people the hair cut story and everyone thinks it's hilarious. Yes - lots of decisions to make and a lot of second guessing yourself. I just remember doing a lot of praying that God would pick up the slack where we fell short - and you kids turned out pretty darn well I think :)
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