Miss M is three! Sort of

Technically she's not three until tomorrow. But we had her birthday party last weekend. We only invited family and somehow 80 million people were there. We had 3 babies, plus 2, 2, 2, 4, 4, and a 5 year old.  And I don't even know how many adults were there.

Miss M is obsessed with princesses. When I comb her hair she always asks "Do I look like a princess?" I really don't know where it came from, we don't go crazy with the princess stuff. I actually think maybe it came from the teachers at daycare or the other little girls at daycare. Even though she hasn't gone to daycare in 2 months some things still stick I guess!

So anyway, we had a princess birthday party, sort of. We did a princess cake, and princess plates and napkins. But no characters, just purple and pink and crowns.  And I got so excited because I found a princess castle by Melissa and Doug that got lots of great reviews, and I thought she would really like it so we went in with some other people to buy it as well as furniture and some dolls for it.

For anyone that is a new reader, Miss M lived with another foster mom, Jill, for the first 18 months of her life. I did full time daycare for her for the first 6 months of her life, and after that she spent at least a few hours a week at our house and was in a daycare with her brothers, but she still lived primarily with Jill.  So last year, I wasn't very surprised when Miss M basically treated Jill like her Mom, asking her for help and taking all the presents to her, etc. and pretty much ignoring me and Brian.

Well, this year was just the same. It made me pretty sad.  I know of course that she didn't do it to hurt me. She basically spent the whole time on Jill's lap.  I kind of think maybe Jill should have handled it differently, I don't know.  Like maybe encouraged her to go play, tell her that it wasn't time to read books, etc.  Sometimes I wonder if Jill regrets not adopting Miss M, and if maybe we shouldn't have adopted her. Not because I don't love her or anything like that, but just because M is so very attached to Jill. Jill is a great person and she said that if we didn't want to adopt Miss M then she would think about it (originally she had said she definitely didn't want to adopt).  So, I don't know. It's definitely a little bit hurtful and it makes me sad.  Maybe next year will be different, I don't know.  I tried to keep a happy face on throughout the party so as not to ruin the festivities! I do think everyone had a fun time so that's good!

It is hard to know what is going on in that little girl's head sometimes.

Here is a picture of her wearing one of the THREE crowns that she got. In this picture she is saying "I'm calling my Jill on my basketball!" :)




Comments

  1. I would love to see more information about why/how Jill decided not to adopt Miss M - if it's reasonable considering confidentiality. We have 2 children in care with us right now and are trying to decide whether or not to proceed with adoption. It would mean the end of foster care for use, so how do we decide?!? The children have only been with us for 2 months, so it's a different situation, but I'm still wondering how other people make this decision. Thanks!!!

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    1. I honestly don't know too much about her situation. I know she said she had some career moves she was wanting to make, and I know she felt guilty about the amount of time she had to spend at work (a lot of times 11 hours a day away from Miss M). She was a single lady and I believe she is in her 40s, so that is probably a factor too. Good luck with your decision!

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  2. I have been in Jill's position and raised a little girl for the first 11 months of life then had a family adopt her. We are now four years later.....for several months I had to stay away to allow time for her to bond with the parents. Now we are at the point where I baby-sit for her and other siblings all the time. However, I do consciously choose to be on board and support the parent bond rather than wanting to spoil "my baby". Remember that Jill is in a difficult position but you are also in a predicament....she is your daughter and you deserve room and support from Jill to foster that bond. Keeping you in my thoughts!! - Iowa Girl

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  3. I think if I were you, I would sit down with Jill and talk about how you felt and get her onboard with helping to improve your bond with wee Miss M (she's darling, btw!).

    I also fostered a little guy for the first 8 months of his life and he was eventually moved to a fellow foster home after a failed kin placement. I have had to keep some distance to help them better bond with him and reduce his confusion. It was also to give us some space as we were grieving losing him still when we were advised he was coming back and the kin placement failed...it's why we asked he not be placed back with us (in addition to them drastically increasing his parental visitation). It was all rather difficult on our adopted 3 year old so we're taking the next placement slowly.

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  4. Awwww, hugs, friend. Jill has the easy role now. She always gets to be the good guy now, never disciplining, but always around at parties, etc. She's set up to be the novel one. What a hard spot for you.

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