Messages from bio mom
Well, bio mom has come back out of the woodwork. Sounds like she is doing OK. We chatted on Facebook (sort of), now she has requested to be my friend on Facebook which I'm trying to figure out if it is a good idea or not.
Long story short, she's pretty upset that D won't respond to her on Facebook. I know he reads her messages, but he never writes back. The first message she wrote to me she said "If I can help it I will steer clear of nebraske so they can be happy with y'all and not confused about the black lady in there face 2hours a year"...by the third message she said "Can we maybe come up with something in the next year that's maybe fun and entertaining for a little while longer than 2 hours and go from there maybe once a year."
She is still very concerned with herself, with how the kids think about her, if she is strong enough to see them, etc. She wants to Skype with the little ones. I haven't answered her back yet because I'm not sure that I have the right words. But just...no. No we're not going to do more than we already committed to, when she hasn't kept her end of the bargain. No I'm not going to promise to bring the kids to her for a long visit when they haven't seen her in 17 months, and I don't know how they will react or what the fall out will be. I'm way more concerned with their feelings than I am about hers (no offense meant to her).
I talked with D, and it seems he's mad not because she signed over her rights, but because she made the decision which ultimately put them in foster care in the first place. I think he thinks that if he didn't have to go into foster care he could just live happily ever after with his grandma. I know he's a teenager and teens are pretty notorious for not thinking things through - but what would have happened to the little ones who couldn't look after themselves the way that he can? Was she going to care for them too? What about his own dad, who could have stepped forward and didn't? What would happen if his grandma (who is actually his great grandma) got sick and couldn't care for him or get him where he needed to go? The what-ifs are endless.
I've encouraged him to talk to her but I don't think he's going to. And I'm certainly not going to make him.
So I guess we'll see what happens and if she actually wants a visit come Christmas (which is one of the two visit-times that we have set aside). I try very hard to be kind and thoughtful but I also know that I tend to be a sucker for a good sob story and that I can be a pushover. So I am glad that I have Brian to balance me out in this area and help me think through things.
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Well we took Ben to a developmental screening for a 6-month adjusted check up and he passed his hearing test and scored average/competent for gross motor, fine motor, language, and...some other thing, which I forgot. I was pretty thrilled! He has started making lots of consonant sounds like mamamama and babababa and nananana. He especially likes to do this when it is nap time. :) He also loves to blow spit bubbles. :) He is getting closer to being able to sit on his own, he can sit for a few seconds unassisted. He is still having some trouble with his left side, but I feel like it is getting so much better. He is a rolling champion and can pretty much roll to get wherever he needs to. He can also pivot on his tummy.
Also he weighed 13 lbs 6 ounces at his check up. I was pretty disappointed with his weight, but then at his 9 month (actual age) check up which was a few days later he was 14 pounds! So he either gained 10 ounces in 4 days, or else one of the scales was off. I'm guessing it was the scale at the first place because they used one of those old fashioned scales. I believe at his 6 month actual check up he was 11 lbs 6 ounces so I am pretty happy with that weight gain.
So we got a new pediatrician and I was SO THRILLED that she did not say boo about his weight! There was no talk of supplementing, no talk of trying to get him to gain more, nothing. She is happy with him, said he looks wonderful and is doing great. So that's a huge weight off of my shoulders! Also he is officially on the growth chart for his actual age. He is on the chart for head circumference. He can attribute his giant head genes to my side of the family (thanks, Dad!). He is in the .86 percentile on head size (yes still less than 1%, but we'll take it!), and still below the chart for weight and length. But he'll catch up someday I'm sure!
I'm pretty blessed, guys. :)
Long story short, she's pretty upset that D won't respond to her on Facebook. I know he reads her messages, but he never writes back. The first message she wrote to me she said "If I can help it I will steer clear of nebraske so they can be happy with y'all and not confused about the black lady in there face 2hours a year"...by the third message she said "Can we maybe come up with something in the next year that's maybe fun and entertaining for a little while longer than 2 hours and go from there maybe once a year."
She is still very concerned with herself, with how the kids think about her, if she is strong enough to see them, etc. She wants to Skype with the little ones. I haven't answered her back yet because I'm not sure that I have the right words. But just...no. No we're not going to do more than we already committed to, when she hasn't kept her end of the bargain. No I'm not going to promise to bring the kids to her for a long visit when they haven't seen her in 17 months, and I don't know how they will react or what the fall out will be. I'm way more concerned with their feelings than I am about hers (no offense meant to her).
I talked with D, and it seems he's mad not because she signed over her rights, but because she made the decision which ultimately put them in foster care in the first place. I think he thinks that if he didn't have to go into foster care he could just live happily ever after with his grandma. I know he's a teenager and teens are pretty notorious for not thinking things through - but what would have happened to the little ones who couldn't look after themselves the way that he can? Was she going to care for them too? What about his own dad, who could have stepped forward and didn't? What would happen if his grandma (who is actually his great grandma) got sick and couldn't care for him or get him where he needed to go? The what-ifs are endless.
I've encouraged him to talk to her but I don't think he's going to. And I'm certainly not going to make him.
So I guess we'll see what happens and if she actually wants a visit come Christmas (which is one of the two visit-times that we have set aside). I try very hard to be kind and thoughtful but I also know that I tend to be a sucker for a good sob story and that I can be a pushover. So I am glad that I have Brian to balance me out in this area and help me think through things.
_____________________________________
Well we took Ben to a developmental screening for a 6-month adjusted check up and he passed his hearing test and scored average/competent for gross motor, fine motor, language, and...some other thing, which I forgot. I was pretty thrilled! He has started making lots of consonant sounds like mamamama and babababa and nananana. He especially likes to do this when it is nap time. :) He also loves to blow spit bubbles. :) He is getting closer to being able to sit on his own, he can sit for a few seconds unassisted. He is still having some trouble with his left side, but I feel like it is getting so much better. He is a rolling champion and can pretty much roll to get wherever he needs to. He can also pivot on his tummy.
Also he weighed 13 lbs 6 ounces at his check up. I was pretty disappointed with his weight, but then at his 9 month (actual age) check up which was a few days later he was 14 pounds! So he either gained 10 ounces in 4 days, or else one of the scales was off. I'm guessing it was the scale at the first place because they used one of those old fashioned scales. I believe at his 6 month actual check up he was 11 lbs 6 ounces so I am pretty happy with that weight gain.
So we got a new pediatrician and I was SO THRILLED that she did not say boo about his weight! There was no talk of supplementing, no talk of trying to get him to gain more, nothing. She is happy with him, said he looks wonderful and is doing great. So that's a huge weight off of my shoulders! Also he is officially on the growth chart for his actual age. He is on the chart for head circumference. He can attribute his giant head genes to my side of the family (thanks, Dad!). He is in the .86 percentile on head size (yes still less than 1%, but we'll take it!), and still below the chart for weight and length. But he'll catch up someday I'm sure!
I'm pretty blessed, guys. :)
How early was Ben?? I cant remember! I just had my baby girl 13 weeks early.
ReplyDeleteHe was 11 weeks early. How is your baby girl doing?
DeleteYes- the big head is definitely a Ziegenfuss gene- sorry about that. We just need lots of room for all those brains! I feel bad for bio-mom, but she created the situation she is in. D will figure it out someday--just keep loving him.
ReplyDeleteHow's Ben sleeping? I often pray for his sleep when my baby wakes up.
ReplyDeleteThank you, that is so sweet of you! He is doing better overall. Last night I was up with him 3 times and he woke once before I went to sleep. So he was up 4 times over 12 hours, so averaging about 2.5 to 3 hours at a time. Which is so much better than it used to be! There was one blessed night where he only woke ONCE (he slept 8 hours, then another 4!) but it hasn't happened since then. :) But still, compared to getting up every hour or hour and a half it's a huge improvement.
Delete