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I can't remember if I said this or not, but bio mom wants us to drive 2-3 hours to visit her, which we do not want to. My husband is supposed to kindly write her back to let her know. I am tired of being the bad guy. She says she is afraid of me. I am not sure why. I am small, quiet, and frankly rather boring and a bit like a church mouse. Sometimes. Sometimes I'm a bit more like an angry mama bear but hey, there's a time and a place right?
So anyway, I ordered a book from Shutterfly for her and it turned out really nice. It has pictures from the last year in it, since she hasn't seen them since May of last year. I also had the three middles draw her pictures, and had C and Y write her letters. C started his letter with "Super star mommy ____ (her first name)", I'm not sure what the thinking was there. He wrote that part (I helped him spell it) and then he told me what else to write and I wrote for him. At the end I asked he if wanted to say "I love you" or "I miss you" or anything like that, and he said no. So...OK. I asked D if he wanted to write a letter, he said no. I encouraged him to write one and promised that if he did I wouldn't read it...and he still said no. So...OK again. I also wrote her a letter with kind of a recap of each kid on what they are up to and what has been going on the past year.
Yesterday I was shopping for some clothes for the kids for the new season. Miss M had basically no clothes that will fit her for the summer, and C needed some bigger clothes too. Poor Y is stuck with hand-me-downs but I don't think he minds. I bought him a few new pairs of shorts. By "new" I actually mean "used", just new to us. I got everyone everything that they needed for less than $90 so that seemed like a good deal! I think all I might need are some sandals for Miss M, but no rush there. I tried to not go overboard with the clothes, I think I do tend to do that. The other day C came up to me very seriously and said "Mommy! I only have THREE shirts in my drawer!" Oh no, only three shirts??? The horrors! Good thing he only needed ONE to wear for the day! :)
Anyway, while I was shopping a little girl came up to me. I had Ben with with me and the other kids were at preschool. The girl was all excited about the baby, and asked if she could look at him. I said sure but please don't touch him! Her Mom came up and told her not to get too close because babies can get germs from big people, so I appreciated that. Anyway, the girl asked how old he was and I said 3 months (almost 4 months, wow!). Her eyes got wide and she said "I'M three!" I laughed and told her he was only three months, she was three years. It was confusing for her. :) Anyway so I started talking with her mom. We happened to be in the girls 3T section because I was shopping for Miss M, and the mom asked me how many kids I had and I told her, and her eyes got wide and she said she never would have thought that. I said the older 4 are adopted.
Quick note: I almost always point out that the older 4 are adopted when people seem impressed that I have 5 kids. I think giving birth and taking care of a newborn is an amazing thing, and to do it 5 times you must have to be a special kind of crazy. I think some might disagree but anyway, I don't want people to think I'm that awesome because quite frankly I'm just not! And I haven't given birth 5 times, I haven't even carried a baby to term. So I don't want to like take credit for that. Is that weird? I don't know.
Anyway. She said she knew somebody that adopted 4 kids and thought they couldn't get pregnant, but then they got pregnant. And I said that's what happened to us! And she looked really confused and said "Are you Brynn?" Yup, that's me! It turns out it was one of the kids' aunts! She kind of started to get choked up and said she really wanted her kids to be able to see our kids, and that she is a good person and didn't do anything wrong and that she felt like the kids will have questions about their bio family when they get older, and etc.
And a month or two ago she contacted Brian on Facebook and said basically the same thing, and Brian and I agreed that no, we wouldn't do that. But meeting up with her like that, and talking to her face to face...I don't know, I guess I kind of changed my mind. I think that yeah, the kids will have questions about their bio family, maybe not D because he will remember and is in touch with everyone on Facebook, but the little ones will. I think it's a normal and natural part of being adopted. And I guess I think, if we meet up with her one time and it doesn't go well, then we never have to do it again! And what could it possibly hurt? I don't see how it could hurt, but I do see how it could help.
So, all that to say..I just don't know anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. And I don't know what is the best choice for the kids. *sigh*
House hunting is not going well. We have opened our options to looking at possibly renting with an option to buy. Homes are moving fast on the market, and our options are limited because of the size of home and number of bedrooms we need to have. If we had an extra $50k just lying around I think we'd be in business, but no such luck!
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Ben has suddenly not been having fussy evenings! I am so thrilled by that, I can't even tell you. He is getting on a more predictable schedule and has been doing great about sleeping at night and not randomly being up for a few hours for no reason. The sad thing is he still usually doesn't go to sleep for the night until 10:30 or 11, but what are you gonna do right?
I also weighed him yesterday, and he had gained 6 ounces in 6 days! So that is pretty exciting. He is up to 9 pounds, woohoo! Triple his birth weight! He is putting on some pudge which makes me happy. He has averaged 22 grams per day weight gain since coming home from the hospital. He is definitely socially smiling, cooing and doing really well with head control (in my opinion at least). His adjusted age is 5 weeks right now so I think that is good. He has graduated to the 0-3 month size clothes, they are still a little loose on him but newborn clothes are definitely too small. He goes for his 4 month check up on the 20th so I'm a little anxious about what she will say about his weight gain, but he is gaining weight and meeting his milestones (for his adjusted age) and he is content when he is awake so I think those are all good signs.
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Tonight Brian is taking D camping, so I am going to be solo with the 4 youngest. I've done it before but it is not much fun. I am so thankful that the boys are so independent. I'm thinking we'll eat a frozen pizza and some vegetables for dinner and call it good.
So anyway, I ordered a book from Shutterfly for her and it turned out really nice. It has pictures from the last year in it, since she hasn't seen them since May of last year. I also had the three middles draw her pictures, and had C and Y write her letters. C started his letter with "Super star mommy ____ (her first name)", I'm not sure what the thinking was there. He wrote that part (I helped him spell it) and then he told me what else to write and I wrote for him. At the end I asked he if wanted to say "I love you" or "I miss you" or anything like that, and he said no. So...OK. I asked D if he wanted to write a letter, he said no. I encouraged him to write one and promised that if he did I wouldn't read it...and he still said no. So...OK again. I also wrote her a letter with kind of a recap of each kid on what they are up to and what has been going on the past year.
Yesterday I was shopping for some clothes for the kids for the new season. Miss M had basically no clothes that will fit her for the summer, and C needed some bigger clothes too. Poor Y is stuck with hand-me-downs but I don't think he minds. I bought him a few new pairs of shorts. By "new" I actually mean "used", just new to us. I got everyone everything that they needed for less than $90 so that seemed like a good deal! I think all I might need are some sandals for Miss M, but no rush there. I tried to not go overboard with the clothes, I think I do tend to do that. The other day C came up to me very seriously and said "Mommy! I only have THREE shirts in my drawer!" Oh no, only three shirts??? The horrors! Good thing he only needed ONE to wear for the day! :)
Anyway, while I was shopping a little girl came up to me. I had Ben with with me and the other kids were at preschool. The girl was all excited about the baby, and asked if she could look at him. I said sure but please don't touch him! Her Mom came up and told her not to get too close because babies can get germs from big people, so I appreciated that. Anyway, the girl asked how old he was and I said 3 months (almost 4 months, wow!). Her eyes got wide and she said "I'M three!" I laughed and told her he was only three months, she was three years. It was confusing for her. :) Anyway so I started talking with her mom. We happened to be in the girls 3T section because I was shopping for Miss M, and the mom asked me how many kids I had and I told her, and her eyes got wide and she said she never would have thought that. I said the older 4 are adopted.
Quick note: I almost always point out that the older 4 are adopted when people seem impressed that I have 5 kids. I think giving birth and taking care of a newborn is an amazing thing, and to do it 5 times you must have to be a special kind of crazy. I think some might disagree but anyway, I don't want people to think I'm that awesome because quite frankly I'm just not! And I haven't given birth 5 times, I haven't even carried a baby to term. So I don't want to like take credit for that. Is that weird? I don't know.
Anyway. She said she knew somebody that adopted 4 kids and thought they couldn't get pregnant, but then they got pregnant. And I said that's what happened to us! And she looked really confused and said "Are you Brynn?" Yup, that's me! It turns out it was one of the kids' aunts! She kind of started to get choked up and said she really wanted her kids to be able to see our kids, and that she is a good person and didn't do anything wrong and that she felt like the kids will have questions about their bio family when they get older, and etc.
And a month or two ago she contacted Brian on Facebook and said basically the same thing, and Brian and I agreed that no, we wouldn't do that. But meeting up with her like that, and talking to her face to face...I don't know, I guess I kind of changed my mind. I think that yeah, the kids will have questions about their bio family, maybe not D because he will remember and is in touch with everyone on Facebook, but the little ones will. I think it's a normal and natural part of being adopted. And I guess I think, if we meet up with her one time and it doesn't go well, then we never have to do it again! And what could it possibly hurt? I don't see how it could hurt, but I do see how it could help.
So, all that to say..I just don't know anymore. I don't know what is right and what is wrong. And I don't know what is the best choice for the kids. *sigh*
House hunting is not going well. We have opened our options to looking at possibly renting with an option to buy. Homes are moving fast on the market, and our options are limited because of the size of home and number of bedrooms we need to have. If we had an extra $50k just lying around I think we'd be in business, but no such luck!
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Ben has suddenly not been having fussy evenings! I am so thrilled by that, I can't even tell you. He is getting on a more predictable schedule and has been doing great about sleeping at night and not randomly being up for a few hours for no reason. The sad thing is he still usually doesn't go to sleep for the night until 10:30 or 11, but what are you gonna do right?
I also weighed him yesterday, and he had gained 6 ounces in 6 days! So that is pretty exciting. He is up to 9 pounds, woohoo! Triple his birth weight! He is putting on some pudge which makes me happy. He has averaged 22 grams per day weight gain since coming home from the hospital. He is definitely socially smiling, cooing and doing really well with head control (in my opinion at least). His adjusted age is 5 weeks right now so I think that is good. He has graduated to the 0-3 month size clothes, they are still a little loose on him but newborn clothes are definitely too small. He goes for his 4 month check up on the 20th so I'm a little anxious about what she will say about his weight gain, but he is gaining weight and meeting his milestones (for his adjusted age) and he is content when he is awake so I think those are all good signs.
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Tonight Brian is taking D camping, so I am going to be solo with the 4 youngest. I've done it before but it is not much fun. I am so thankful that the boys are so independent. I'm thinking we'll eat a frozen pizza and some vegetables for dinner and call it good.
Such a small world. It would have been different if you had been shopping with all the littles. I know you guys will find the right balance of old and new family as time goes by. see you tomorrow!
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