Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

Yeah I know, I talk about this a lot. My life almost revolves around pumping right now so hey, what do you expect?? Anyway. Yesterday I pumped over 8 ounces! Best pump day ever!  I was so proud, Ben was only eating 10 and 2/3 of an ounce per day so I was closing the gap! Today they upped his feedings to 45 ccs at a time, for a daily total of 12 ounces! Aaarrrgghhh!  So I'm back to making about 2/3 of what he needs. Oh well, its still an improvement. In my middle of the night pumps I'm getting a full ounce each time which is exciting. If only I could do that every time I pumped. :) They said even breast fed preemies usually go home on 2 feedings a day of formula, to get extra calcium and other stuff. So technically I only need to make 3/4 of what he needs. Let me tell you all the crap I'm taking now: 12 pills of fenugreek, 3 of lecithin (to help me not get clogs; I've had 4 so far!), 6 of brewers yeast, and 6 of blessed thistle every day. I eat oatmeal almost every d...

I have it! I feel guilty that I am too tired and too far behind on stuff to do fun things with my little ones. I feel guilty that I don't spend more time at the hospital with Ben. I feel guilty that so many have helped us so much; I am so used to being relatively independent that I feel like a leach on society. I feel guilty that my heart sank when D decided to do wrestling at school (practices and meets are just one more thing on our plates). I have felt guilty and responsible for the fact that not only did my body evacuate Ben far too early, my body also has not been able to support him the way that it should. I feel guilty and a little sad that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy more, and I am sad for the 11 weeks I missed out on. I feel guilty that I haven't found the time to get together pictures and things for the kids' bio mom. I know that this is a season. Things won't be like this forever. A year or two from now our lives will be completely different.  Heck, may...

As in, Ben drained my breast this morning when I nursed him (I only did one side before he fell asleep)! I know because when I pumped after I only got a stunning 2 ccs from that side. I had no idea he had done so well. Almost makes up for last night when I was trying to nurse him. I thought he was doing so well, then I realized that he wasn't swallowing. All the milk he was getting out was running down his cheek, into his hair, and onto the pillow I was holding him on! Guess he just wasn't feeling the whole "swallow" thing last night. :) Kids these days! It's a snow day today, and tomorrow might be one too. One benefit of being snowed in is that I will hopefully get to bed early tonight and get some much needed sleep. I miss seeing my baby, but getting to bed at 11:30, waking up twice in the night to pump, then getting up for the day at 6:30 wears you a little thin. I tend to think I'll get more sleep when he comes home, though I guess that remains to be see...

Five days ago, I pumped 100 mL, the entire day. Yesterday I pumped 172 mL, which is just shy of 6 oz.  Almost 75% more, in 5 days!  This is an example of how quickly my supply has gone up! The ONLY thing I am doing differently is nursing.  It looks like today I will probably beat what I did yesterday.  These totals of course don't include what Ben is getting when we do nurse; but I'm guessing that amount is pretty minimal (5-10 ish mL twice a day).  He is getting better at it every day though! I just can't believe how much psychological/emotional things affect breast milk supply.  Once I let my stress go, and said "well, I get what I get and I'm thankful for what I get", and once I started nursing him (even though I was afraid of doing it and it was kind of scary at first) then everything changed! I'm not holding my breath that this keeps up, but I would just LOVE it if my supply keeps increasing the way it has been. I got the results from my tests bac...

I hope none of you have been sitting on the edge of your seats, waiting for an update from me!  Drumroll please...Ben has broken the 4 pound mark! He did it a few days ago, actually, and is now up to a hefty 4 lbs 3 oz. He drank an entire bottle a few days ago too. Sadly he hasn't drunk an entire bottle since then, but he is working on it. He gets 2 bottle feedings per day, and has been drinking 10 to 20 ccs of each bottle. He is getting 37 ccs at each feeding. Before I continue, let me say that some people have this sort of social inhibition built into them, where they know what to say (and what not to say) and whether it is socially acceptable or not. Some people do not have this, or at least don't have as generous of a helping. I'm afraid I am of the latter. So feel free to skip the potentially uncomfortable parts. :) We are working on nursing twice a day! Like, real nursing. Where I don't pump beforehand. At first it was very frustrating. I have to say that...

I started getting a clogged milk duct about 48 hours ago. I was trying to do all the right things to get rid of it - heat, massage, frequent emptying. Nothing seemed to help and I was in more and more pain, and literally drops were coming out each time I would pump. Finally in the middle of the night last night I was crying, looking up anything that could help me. I was seriously considering just giving up pumping, except that wouldn't help anything at all because the clog would still be there! So the best advice I read was: "Don't massage it as much as you can bear - massage it beyond what you can bear." And, "Massage it the way you would 'massage' a bear that was trying to eat your baby." So I did. I was crying and praying to God to PLEASE just let the clog come out! Finally at my 9 a.m. pump it broke loose, and milk just started shooting out! Sweet, sweet relief. I got 28 ccs, which I know isn't much, but before that I was getting only...

First an update on Ben. He is doing well, and they started feeding him tiny amounts of food yesterday. He is almost 3 lbs, 4 oz! He has a feeding tube in his nose now, so he can suck uninhibited. He can maybe try nursing in 5 to 12 days so that is exciting. Also maybe a little scary. :) Speaking of nursing, pumping is going a little better. I got a prescription for Reglan and started taking fenugreek to help with my supply. Yesterday I got 10 more CCs than I did the day before, and while it's not much it's certainly better than a decrease! If it can keep going up a little bit I would just be thrilled. Ben's doctor said even if I can just get drops of milk as long as I'm "keeping the factory open" there is a chance for me to get my supply back up. I'm guessing I'll never make enough to feed him fully, but if I could get like 10 or 20 oz per day at least I would feel like my efforts aren't in vain. Right now my short term goal is to make it to Fe...

So, pumping isn't going so hot. I'm making about 5 ounces per day. Yes, that is total, for literally hours is work.  I downloaded an app to keep track of supply, and while it's helpful to see the total for the past few days it's also frustrating to see when it gets lower. Apparently pcos (which I have) can cause milk supply problems. And I had a stressful weekend, and I know I haven't been getting enough sleep and  I also am not sure if I'm eating enough. I gained 20 lbs with pregnancy, my baby weighed 3, and when I got home from the hospital I had lost 5 lbs total. At this point, 15 days post partum, I've lost 13 lbs total. I'm not sure if that is too much too fast or if it's ok. So I am trying to pump more frequently during the day, take a nap every day, get to bed earlier if I can, and also just eat more. I'm always running and I can't eat in the NICU so that probably hurts my calorie intake too. I want to at least keep it up until h...