Recon/Mission Impossible
Y has been asking about bio dad. A lot. Several times he has mentioned trying to find him when he gets older.
I've been pretty candid with them about bio dad. His history (at least, what I know of it) is not pretty. I have shared most of it with the kids. What I haven't shared is that he has a lot of other children. According to his Facebook, he has a lot. As in, double digits. Not sure how many different mothers are involved, but I'm confident it is more than 4.
We haven't discussed siblings with the kids yet. Therapist said that around 12 is a good time, based on maturity and ability to comprehend. But of course we wouldn't lie about it either, if they asked before then.
Therapist said we ought to research bio dad and get as much information on him as possible. Thus, I have been doing it.
It's kind of hard to research someone with a common name. There are people who live in the same town with the same name, one even with the same middle initial!
But so far I've been table to get a ton of stuff off of Facebook (keep your FB private, people!). I have gotten a few names of his kids, pictures of his mom and dad, pictures of some of his kids. And I'm piecing together a history as best as I can. I also subscribed to a newspaper archive and have gone through tons and tons of papers looking for him. I found a few convictions and some court documents on him as well.
So, this is kind of fun! I love researching stuff, I'm a huge nerd.
I also contacted the state to see about seeing the kids' files. I mentioned bio dad, and the state said they are in contact with him because of one of his other kids (surprise surprise), and they could ask him if they could share information about him with me. I am not sure what will happen there.
I'm excited to see the kids' files but who knows how long it will take for that to actually happen.
I've been pretty candid with them about bio dad. His history (at least, what I know of it) is not pretty. I have shared most of it with the kids. What I haven't shared is that he has a lot of other children. According to his Facebook, he has a lot. As in, double digits. Not sure how many different mothers are involved, but I'm confident it is more than 4.
We haven't discussed siblings with the kids yet. Therapist said that around 12 is a good time, based on maturity and ability to comprehend. But of course we wouldn't lie about it either, if they asked before then.
Therapist said we ought to research bio dad and get as much information on him as possible. Thus, I have been doing it.
It's kind of hard to research someone with a common name. There are people who live in the same town with the same name, one even with the same middle initial!
But so far I've been table to get a ton of stuff off of Facebook (keep your FB private, people!). I have gotten a few names of his kids, pictures of his mom and dad, pictures of some of his kids. And I'm piecing together a history as best as I can. I also subscribed to a newspaper archive and have gone through tons and tons of papers looking for him. I found a few convictions and some court documents on him as well.
So, this is kind of fun! I love researching stuff, I'm a huge nerd.
I also contacted the state to see about seeing the kids' files. I mentioned bio dad, and the state said they are in contact with him because of one of his other kids (surprise surprise), and they could ask him if they could share information about him with me. I am not sure what will happen there.
I'm excited to see the kids' files but who knows how long it will take for that to actually happen.
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