Sleepless in Nebraska

Yeah, that's me!

We are having an awful time with sleep.  Ugh.  Ben will only take partial feeds so he keeps waking up! If he takes both sides and does a good job he'll sleep for 2 plus hours, which is nice. If he only takes one and falls asleep...he's back up an hour later.  He's been also having nurse-a-thons once a day, of one to two hours long. Two nights ago he had one from 12:30 a.m. to 2 a.m. which was awesome...not!  Last night he was up from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. with some bad toots, it was super sad, he'd just start crying every 10 minutes or so until he tooted.  He was nursing like crazy and then started spitting up because he was eating so much, then I convinced him that his pacifier is, in fact, NOT the devil and he will most likely not die if he sucks on it instead of me, so then it was much better for us both.  Once that was over with it was good the rest of the night, he even got a two hour stretch of sleep (yay!).

We are bed sharing.  I never wanted to do this but it is what it is. It's the only way he will sleep more than a few minutes at a time.  I feel like it's super safe, I literally don't move. I sleep between him and Brian and Ben sleeps in the crook of my arm, on his back.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  These times are, indeed, desperate. I think I am averaging 4 to 6 hours of broken sleep per night, and I TRY to get a nap during the day but it's not always possible. Today I did get a 2 hour nap which was awesome. Ben slept like a champ! Now if he could start doing that at night, we'd be in business. :)

Possible TMI moment: So no one told me that your nipples aren't supposed to be smashed flat after nursing. Mine are, with white ridges.  I am having a lot of pain during nursing, especially on one side, and it has progressively gotten worse though I don't see any damage on them such as cracks or bleeding or anything. I have an appointment tomorrow to check Ben for possible tongue tie.  Part of me hopes that is what it is because it's an easy fix, in fact the doctor can do it right then and there. Part of me doesn't want him to have to go through that though! I'm trying hard to make sure he has a deep latch but part of me wonders if still after all this time I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to breast feeding.

Ben is up to 8 lbs, 2.6 ounces. He is hanging out in the 25th percentile (according to WHO charts and his adjusted age), which is what he was in the NICU. And can I tell you something? We haven't been giving him his formula. I know, it's probably bad right? But it is a huge freaking pain. My to-do list is dwindling so maybe I will start up with that again. Maybe. I am kind of a freak but one thing I do like about doing formula/pumping is adding milk to my freezer stash. Which I never, ever have used. But I like having it. Yeah, I'm a freak.

I started watching Dr. Who during nurse-a-thons. And can I say - it is awesome! I'm loving it!  There are 86 episodes on Netflix, so that will keep me busy for a while. :)

Oh and last week on Friday D didn't have school. I totally forgot about it, got the little kids up and made their breakfast and then sat on the couch and nursed Ben while they ate.  I don't use a cover around the little kids, honestly they have no clue what is going on, they know I'm nursing but don't know what that means. The cover draws attention, without the cover they are seriously clueless. Anyway, so I was nursing with no cover...and D walks into the living room. Oh my goodness, he was so horrified! I was completely covered, my shirt was touching Ben's mouth so no skin was showing at all but D was mortified.  I was super tired (imagine that!) and didn't care one bit but he made a big deal out of it. So I use the cover out of respect for him. Actually when D is home if Brian is home too then I just go back in the bedroom to nurse...using the cover is a huge pain. Especially since Ben needs so much help latching and is so dang wiggly.

Miss M decided that potty training is OK. Actually what happened was I asked my dear friend Melissa for advice, and she suggested taking M's pants away.  (Please note that I asked M's teacher at daycare if she was having a problem using the potty - nope! Goes every time, no problem. So we believe this was an act of defiance towards us, rather than a situation where she wasn't ready to potty train or something like that).  This is how I potty trained C (pants-less), but hadn't really done it for M because she always just did so good using the potty.  So, I took the pants.  The first night she peed on the floor, the couch, and in her booster seat at the table. Each time she caught herself and went to the potty and peed some more in the potty, so that's good.  Now she still wears a diaper, but goes potty when we ask her to and rarely pees in her diaper except for at bed time.  So hopefully soon she'll be back in her big girl underwear. :)

I think we decided that we are going to buy a house and move before we put ours on the market. We have more than 10% saved up for a down payment, and then once we sell our house we should have at least that much again, if not more to put towards our mortgage, so hopefully that will end up being 20-25% which will be awesome.  We looked at houses on Saturday and found exactly one that met all our criteria.  I'm hoping more will come on the market here soon.  There were some nice ones that were just in bad locations (like backing up to a busy street, that kind of thing).  Others were just too small or didn't have enough bedrooms.

So I feel a lot of pressure gone since we decided to do this.  Now I don't have to be worried about trying to keep the house clean and presentable for showings. Not to mention, we'd have to pack up all our kids and our dogs to go somewhere during showings...that in and of itself would be a huge pain.

D won an award at school for grades. I am not sure that I really understand what it is but he was excited about it.  He's still in track. We haven't been able to go to any meets as a family because it has been so cold. Brian has been to most of them though.

This weather has just been awful. I haven't set foot in my garden yet, but from my living room window I can see that my rhubarb is coming up (I transplanted it last year and wasn't sure if it would make it or not, so yay!), and the garlic I planted last year is up, as are my chives, strawberries, and asparagus is starting to make an appearance too.

I was able to go for my first post partum run on Sunday. Brian watched Ben, and I took our dog Penny and ran 1.5 miles.  It was lovely!  My clothes all fit a little bit tight and I barely fit into my biggest sports bra but hey.  I'm hanging onto these last 10 pounds of baby weight for dear life for some reason, but whatever.  I don't mind it that much, just more of me to love. ;)   I'd like to go running more but it has been so cold that I don't want to take Ben out in it. I'm itching to put the jogging stroller to good use though!  Hopefully winter will loose it's grip in the next few days.

Speaking of weight, I eat like a teenage boy. I am hungry nearly constantly! It's ridiculous.  I know I eat more than my husband does and I bet I give D a run for his money too.  I eat about the way I did when I was training for a marathon, if that tells you anything!  Being a mom to a newborn+4 is hard hard work.

Being home all day with Mr. Ben in some ways is just lovely. I love that we have this time together to bond and that I don't have other kids competing for my attention. I wish I could have had this time with all my kids,  you know?  Hard to believe that in a few days it will be a whole month since he has been home.  And hard to believe he is over 3 months old now! Wow!

In some ways though it is very lonely.  Very little adult interaction, even though I'm still working and such everything is online. I don't really feel like joining any mom's groups because I'm going to be moving to a new town in the next few months so it's kind of like, what's the point?  It's hard enough to put myself out there socially, much less to make new friends only to leave them.  I also have sooo much stuff to do at home, plus naps to take when I get the chance (seriously). Plus what if I am out and he decides it's time for a nurse-a-thon? Awkward!  I am going to try to do better though about seeing the friends I already have. It's very very nice to have an hour or two to just hang out and chat with real live people.

So...I think that's it. This is what happens when I don't make time to blog for almost 2 weeks, so sorry! :)


  1. nursing can be very hard and especially with him being born so early. i think you are doing great. yes, the thing you mentioned about your nipples doesn't sound typical, I never had that, but who knows. maybe it's no big deal. my 2nd child, who i am still nursing started out with a terrible latch as well and we have successfully nursed for a year.

    nothing about a newborn is easy and you sound like you are doing the best that you can (that anyone can) as a new mom.

    we had the same sleeping issue as well. she ended up in bed with us, both our bios did. they sleep so much better with us. hopefully once he is bigger you can move him to where ever you want him.

    you are doing great, just keep doing what you are doing and watch him grow!


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