Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

Well, this weekend we had our May visit with bio mom.  We had planned on Saturday morning at a park, but it rained all morning and was chilly so I asked if Sunday afternoon would be OK.  Can kids play in the rain and not die? Yes. Is it fun for 2 hours especially when it's chilly out? No! We went to this park by her house, so she could walk there and not have to take the bus.  It was beautiful weather, and it was PACKED!  She said there have never been that many people there before when she has gone.  They have a lot to do there, including a splash pad. I didn't know about the splash pad so we didn't bring swimming suits or anything, but it was fine. There was a pond and a giant playground, and trees and grass...what more could you ask for? There were for sure a few really tense moments.  At one point she asked if Y could take off his shoes and walk around the pond.  I don't really like the idea of the kids having their shoes off in a public park i...

I did meet my twin last weekend. OK so we aren't really twins (obviously!) but when I heard her story I was just blown away by the similarities to my own. Our church has had a series of forums this year. One was about infertility, one was about divorce/widowhood, one was about adoption. I didn't make it to any of the other ones but I wanted to attend the adoption forum. They had 3 panelists - one was adopted as a newborn, one was adopted by her father (bio father left her mother when she was 2) and has also adopted a child internationally, and one has adopted 3 children from foster care before having biological children. The woman who adopted from foster care shared a story that was so similar to ours with D.  About living with a child who doesn't want to be adopted, who tells you he hates you, who says he'd rather live in JAIL than live with you.  Who tells you you will never be his mother, who does stupid things and makes poor choices.  Who acts angry all the ti...

I'm writing more about bio family relationships. You can read part 1 and part 2 if you are interested in this on-going, unending saga. When we ended our story last, Bio Mom had stopped talking to me for.  Two weeks later, Ben (our  bio son) gets a letter in the mail. With a return address of our city.  Yup, it's from Bio Mom. Apparently she moved to our city, and didn't say anything.  Well...that's sort of weird, right?  I texted her and let her know we got it and said thank you (it had stickers and a picture in it). She said she mailed letters for the other kids too, on the same day, but we didn't get those letters for another week for some reason (that has happened before so I'm not surprised, our mail is crazy). Then the other kids got their letters.  The outside of the envelopes said "Mommy Hername" on the return address which is what we had all agreed she would be called.  However...on the inside they were all signed "Mom (Hername)...

If you'd like to read Part 1, here is the link. She started talking to me. A lot. Like, every day.  She asked for advice on everything in her life it felt like. She was almost like a child in many ways, not knowing typical things. She said she was drug free and that she had become a Christian, and I believed her (and still do).   Fast forward to December 2016, we happened to be in said city that Bio Mom lived in, visiting our family, and reached out to her to ask if she'd like to see the kids.  I felt like things were going well and like I could trust her, yeah she said some sorta weird stuff sometimes especially about her past but it is what it is. I didn't know what to believe and what not to believe, some of the things she said were so crazy about things that had happened to her, but still. She was making an effort big time and I wanted to reward that. So we picked her up from her house, went to a children's museum there, and went to dinner with her. Every...

This was an incredibly long blog, so I am breaking it up into multiple days Sometimes stuff with bio family is lovely with adoptions. Sometimes, stuff with bio family doesn't exist. There is no contact, everyone just goes on with their merry lives. When we were setting up our contact agreement with Bio Mom (when the state basically told her that she was going to lose her rights, she could sign them over or they could take them) - Bio Mom wanted us to agree to weekly visits.  We said no way, that would not allow the kids to truly attach to us as their parents etc.  So then she asked for monthly. We asked our caseworker, the GAL, anyone else we could get our hands on what was a typical contact agreement like, spent a lot of time talking it over, looking up info online on what was "normal" etc. We came up with twice a year as what we were comfortable with. She said she didn't want to be like "santa clause or the easter bunny", that if that was all we...

You guys, can I get an award for this? Two posts IN ONE YEAR! This is a dump.  This is the condensed version of our life with our oldest child for the past year or so.  I feel like this needs to get out there, because even though this is so lonely I KNOW I am not the only one going through this.  And maybe this will help others in similar situations. The past few years have been very hard. Our oldest, adopted at age 13 and living with us since age 11, has really struggled.  We had depression, a suicide attempt, days spent in the psych ward, counseling where he was diagnosed with a mild attachment disorder, and counseling which attempted to remedy that.  His number one goal in life (or so he says) has always been to get AWAY from us and to make his own rules.  Which isn't a bad thing because, hey, no one wants their 30 year old kid sitting on their couch playing video games right? Go spread your wings, little birdy!  But...14, 15, 16, 17, all pretty...