Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

It was a hard day today. Y was not a good napper at ALL. He was whiny cry-baby-pee-pants all day long. He peed on the bed while I was changing him, which by the way I now TOTALLY understand why a changing table is important. So I got to wash the bedding again. He was super picky about his food and I was/am totally at my wits end. He loves something one day, and hates it the next. I try to give him a decent amount of variety but I swear the kid changes his mind all the time about what he likes! Frustrating to say the least. I know that is normal for that age but UGH. Then while he was at his visit I had tons of running around to do - went to Target, the bank, the other bank, Bed Bath & Beyond, back to Target (found something cheaper at BB&B so returned the item I bought at Target). While I was out I got a call...Y's visit was cut short because his mom was vomiting and had diarrhea. I commend the mom for continuing with the visit even though she was sick, but I just R...

I have successfully taught Y how to sign "more". It was really easy. Therefore he must be very smart...I'm just bumbling through this, frankly. At the suggestion of some friends I am going to teach him "food" and "drink" and maybe "bottle". And "please" and "thank you". I also think I'd like to teach him a sign for my name. I've often wondered how I will teach him what my name is. Seems like most mothers refer to themselves in the 3rd person (Mommy this, give that to Mommy, etc) and I feel, well, crazy doing that. And my name doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, either. I'm sure it will come out something like "ben" or something like that. So now I shall attempt to think of a sign for my name also. I need to remember to tell the transport worker that takes him to visit his mom that he knows this sign so that if he does it at his mom's house she will know what he is trying to say. Th...

And I don't like it at all. He is screaming so loud, and he is so MAD, that I think he might actually make himself vomit. That's what it sounds like. It's 7:22, which is right around the usual time he makes it to bed. Last night he was up until 9 p.m. We went to see my family, and I thought that, since 90% of the time that we are in the car this kid sleeps, that he could just sleep on the 1.5 hour drive home. Did he? No. He sat awake, talking to himself, playing with toys, etc. So I put him to bed when we got home, and he went to sleep OK (but again, 2+ hours later than usual!). Today I thought well, he should sleep in late because he went to bed so late. Wrong, he got up at the usual time. So at nap time I thought well, he will take a long nap. Wrong. He took a 30 minute nap in the morning and a 1 hour nap in the afternoon. Then he goes to visit with his mom, and false asleep on the car ride home...so he arrived at our house at 6:15 p.m. asleep. And now he is screa...

...when there are only 4 people living here again. Tuesday night I got a phone call at 9 p.m. asking us if we would take an emergency placement of an 11 year old boy. It would only be for 3 days. All they knew about the kid was that he was 11 and he was a boy, that was it - no explanation of why he came into care, where he was coming from, what his home life was like, nothing. We said yes. I have no idea why. They sounded so desperate and honestly I felt bad for the kid, whoever he was. And I thought maybe since he was the same age as D they would get along and be friends and such. Suffice to say, we got a bit more than we bargained for. I want to be nice and also keep his information private...so I'm not going to say anymore. But I am glad that Friday is the last day we will have him. Whew. Looks like they are still looking at July 1 to place C with us. I can't believe how quickly this month has gone, it's almost here! I guess the boys' mom is pregnant, and is ...

When D moved in, he brought with him his own personal TV, an iPod Touch (which has internet capabilities), and movies. Apparently he has a cell phone as well though I have yet to see it. If this was our flesh and blood kid, let me tell you - there is NO WAY he would have his own personal TV, or an iPod that can get on the internet. And he would not have movies in his room. No way, no how. Once a kid gets a TV in his room he can watch anything and you have no idea what he's watching. Once a kid gets internet in his room...well it takes about half a second to think of the things they could be, and probably are, doing. And it's not just the issue of porn or other nasty things (even though I think that's a huge deal). There is the whole issue of chatting with strangers, child predators, etc. It is dangerous, period. I am really struggling with how this ought to be handled. My initial thought is that well, we should have the same rules we would for our kids. But then my s...

It is a strange thing to have to set my alarm in order to take a shower. If I don't, I know that it may not/probably won't happen. So odd! Also, I am perpetually hungry. It is very strange to wash dishes rather than eat, because dishes must be done and eating somehow seems lower on the scale of priorities. I have lost 2 pounds on what I like to call the "little kid" diet. I am sure that soon I will be gaining those back as I try to find some balance. We got a permit today to take unlimited visits to Iowa. YAY! No more having to call the caseworker to get permission every time we want to leave the state. This is a huge burden off of my shoulders because we go to Iowa at least once or twice a month. Also, we have permission to take the kids on an extended trip to Kansas also. My MIL is letting us borrow her minivan, thank goodness. And we are really considering purchasing a minivan. Ha! The jogging stroller takes up basically the entire trunk. It does colla...

Well, today is Y's first birthday. Yay! We only went to the store (and only went once, despite the fact that I forgot many things on my list - Brian assured me they were not necessary). Other than that, we stayed home and got to be home-bodies today. It was rather nice. Y took two really long naps of 1.5 hours each. I say "really long" only because his normal naps are about 30-45 minutes, if he gets one at all. Their visitation schedule is just really right in the middle of his nap times Mon-Thurs and it just makes things rather difficult. He was a very happy boy today and took a few steps unassisted which is always fun to watch. :) He also smashed his fingers in our entertainment center, which I THOUGHT had a safety latch thing on it...but the knobs are small enough that it can be pulled right off. Lesson learned (the hard way). :( We had a little party for Y. We invited our Lifegroup people, plus my husband's parents and my parents and my dear running part...

I don't know what to do. So...D is mad at me. First, he is mad because I gave a pacifier to Y today. Please note that this was after Y had spent almost 4 hours in the car, he is sick, he has barely got to have any run around/play time, and D yells at Y when he cries (don't ask me why, it makes no sense to me). I don't want to listen to Y cry for the 30 minute car ride home, and I especially don't want to listen to D yell at Y, on top of Y's crying. When I'm driving I can do nothing about the crying at all. So pacifier it is. I am not a person that believes in letting a baby have it like baby crack or something like that but I think, hey, the kid is having a really hard day, so why not! But D almost started CRYING about it. Really. He was mad. He says that Y is not a baby anymore and he doesn't need it and his mom wouldn't let him have it. Well...I am not your mom. Then we went out to dinner, and I brought food for Y (peaches, chicken nuggets, chee...

D is "only" 11. And two months ago, he was 10! But sometimes I think he is already a teenager. He has the eye roll down pat, along with the constant sarcasm. He answers yes and no questions with the opposite answer, then looks at you like you're an idiot when you are totally confused by what he actually means. He thinks I'm ridiculous because I do not understand the hair of African American people and all of the things they do to it to keep it under control. I try to tell him "Dude, I've never been black before!" but he still looks at me like I'm an idiot. And then there is the teasing. Oh, how he makes fun of and teases me - he makes fun of me when I talk baby talk to Y, he makes fun of me when I drive with two hands on the steering wheel (oh the horrors!), etc. I am sure that it is good-natured for the most part. But there is a part of me that questions if he sees me as an authority figure or as more of a peer. His mom is only 1 year older...

These are the things I learned today: 1. When it is dinner time, and you are the only parent, and the toddler is fussy and following you around like a little shadow, the best course of action is to give him food in his little high chair, then you can keep an eye on him while he is eating AND you can cook dinner at the same time! I did not do this today, unfortunately. But I shall do this tomorrow. :) 2. When it is bed time, it really does make a big difference if you can spend a few minutes just holding, cuddling and hanging out with the baby. Don't just put him in the crib with the bottle. I'm proud to announce that tonight he slept bottle free, and only cried for maybe 2 minutes after I put him down. Huge improvement over last time when he cried for about 30 minutes. Yay! I know, I know, many of you probably could have told me these things. I learn things the hard way better sometimes. I never imagined how hard this baby would sleep. Can you believe that I washed dishes...

...Because right now everything is just an update! Update, update, update. That's all I do. :) Well the two boys came over this past week. They are both pretty good kids. The 11 year old is 5'2" which happens to be the exact height I am. It's kind of strange really, but he thinks it's quite hilarious. He is also a very good helper. When I was trying to get dinner cooked and the baby fed all at the same time (because my husband was working), D asked if he could help. He made dinner for the most part (hamburger helper, oh thank goodness for that!) and had said he had made it before. The one year old is a darling. He is cuddly and loves to be held. He entertains himself quite well. He loves all of our dog toys, much more than he loves the toys that we actually have for babies. I don't really mind too much if he plays with them as long as he keeps them out of his mouth. You can guess how well that works out. :) I did also find out that Y goes to day care e...

Well it looks like we are getting our kids for respite tomorrow around 1, and they are staying until around 10 a.m. on Thursday. I found out a little bit more info about the kids, and it makes me sad. They are all 3 boys (yay, I love boys!). All of them spend as much time doing daycare or activities outside of the foster home as possible - the 2 year old, C, stays in daycare from 6:15 a.m. until 6 p.m. at the foster parents' choice! That makes me really sad, and also makes me want him to be with us. He basically lives at daycare. Sounds like the 11 year old, D, basically raised the 1 year old, Y. They slept in a room together (at their mom's house) and D would get up with Y anytime he cried during the night. D is very protective of Y and it reluctant to let others care for him. What a life for an eleven year old! It sounds like he is a really good kid, and the caseworker told us it is a miracle he has turned out as well as he did. Also apparently the bio mom is pregnan...

Well, I got a call on Friday that C & Y are definitely going to go live with their aunt. Which means, obviously, that they are not going to be living with us. :( So now we are looking at getting the 1 year old and the 11 year old, and maybe the 2 year old sibling as well. I know the 1 and 11 year olds are boys, not sure if the 2 year old is a boy or a girl. I'm thinking it might be kind of nice to have a little girl...then I remember some of the girls we've done respite for and they were WAY worse than the boys. So maybe not. :) The plan right now is that we are going to start doing some respite for the 2 boys, then if all goes well they will be moving in soon I think. Their current foster mom has a daughter getting married this summer and is also expecting her first grandchild, and is thinking she just won't have time to do the foster care thing. So that's why these kids would be coming to stay with us. I'm a little concerned about having a 1 year old. I h...

Just another update, though again there isn't a whole lot to update about. Last week our FSW told us that she had missed a Law Violation Check that had to be run on us. I have no idea what that is, but apparently it is different than a background check. So now we have the background check done...and are waiting on the LVC. This was something that she had initially overlooked, and needless to say my husband and I are absolutely thrilled about this. :( Obviously, we are still not licensed. We were also supposed to do respite care for two little girls this weekend, but we can't now because we don't have those checks done. This absolutely floors me, considering we have done respite care on at least 6 or 7, probably more, occasions with no issue at all. It's all very confusing. The boys' older brother is now living with their aunt. I guess they are wanting to see if she can control him before they let the other two boys come and live with her too. More and more ...