Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

These are some of the things I definitely did NOT do this week. I certainly did NOT double over in laughter when C, who was in the middle of an all-out tantrum, suddenly paused and pointed to his eye. "Ow! My eye huwt!" I did not continue laughing for several minutes over this. During a separate tantrum event (this one was due to the fact that unfortunately lunch does not magically appear, and I have to spend 5-10 minutes actually making it), I did not allow my husband to video tape said tantrum. We most certainly did not watch it and laugh about it, and then watch it at fast speed again and laugh at it some more. I definitely did not leave during nap time (while the babies AND my husband were napping) and take D and one of his friends to the grocery store with me and get irritated when they had to look at 100 million things. I realize that tween boys certainly do not know nor understand the definition of "hurry", even though I explained to them that we needed to...

I sent the email tonight to our caseworker and FSS that we probably won't be able to take the boys' little sister when she is born in a few months. I think I could do all three small children, but to do it well is a different matter entirely. C's tantrums and clingy-ness, Y's clingy-ness and needs (which I'm sure are normal for his age but still somewhat overwhelming) in addition to the idea of an itty bitty baby that depends on me for every bit of sustenance and to do every single thing for it for months on end...oh dear I just can't imagine. No handing her a tray with a few cheerios on it to buy a few minutes while you get something ready, no distracting her with a toy, no telling her "I have to take care of Y I will get to you in a second" (not that that works real well with our boys but hey, I try!). I just don't have enough arms. I can't imagine leaving the house by myself with a child that throws tantrums over nothing, a child that c...

..and other people I don't like. Just kidding! But really, about the doctor. I took 2 year old C in because I have some concerns. He is still super constipated...like, all the time. I really hope this isn't TMI, but he goes several days with no poo, then spends 24-36 hours leaning over and pushing and trying to get his poo out. Sometimes he cries. I know he gets plenty of fiber, and I feel he gets adequate exercise and liquids(mostly water, he doesn't have milk except with his cereal in the morning). He has been with us for almost 2 months now and I guess I thought that feeding him good food would help this. I mean he eats the same stuff the rest of us do, and no one else has the problem! Well, doctor basically gave me a prescription (which hasn't arrived at the pharmacy yet) which I assume is some sort of a laxative. Not real sure how I feel about this. It's not like "oh he's having a bad poop week" it's more like "oh, he's having...

Well tonight D finally snapped and called our family support specialist and asked for a new placement. Apparently we have too many rules, such as "be on time", "be quiet during nap time", "eat your vegetables", and "brush your teeth before bed and in the morning". We are, quite obviously, highly unreasonable people. This is what happened. D is always late. You can pretty much set your clock by the fact that he is going to be at least 2-3 minutes late. If you tell him to be home at 8, he will be home at 8:02. If his bed time is 9:30, he will go to bed at 9:35. Saturday I asked him to be home at 2:15 so he would be back in time to go on the visit with his mom, which starts at 3 and he gets picked up at 2:30. Apparently for some completely strange reason he thought I said 2:50. So at 2:45 I was frantically trying to find him. Anyway we made his bed time a half an hour earlier that night, and we also told him that if he was late again for c...

Because hey, some funny things have happened lately and who knows if I'll remember on Monday! I have not told two-year-old C several times in the past few days "Can you stop talking now please?" No, I love it when he asks the same question or makes the same statement over, and over, and over, and over, even after it has been answered/acknowledged at least 10 times ("Where Bi at?" "he's at work" "Work?" "yes, work" "Where Bi at" or maybe "I hungee!" "Ok get in your chair and we'll have a snack" "I hungeeee" "I hungeeee!"). It's quite soothing to the soul and does not try my patience even one tiny bit. I did not nearly go into happy tears when Y finished his night-time bottle and snuggled in to me and fell promptly asleep tonight. No no, I am not so sentimental as that! I did not nearly pee myself laughing when C put Y's shorts on his head and proceeded to walk arou...

Sleeping through the night used to be something that Y was very good at. Oh yes, I was quite proud of (and thankful for) his ability to sleep 11-12 hours straight with no waking through the night. Well that past few nights he has been waking several times. And screaming...so loudly that I go and get him at the risk of everyone else in the house waking up. All of the bedrooms are right next to each other with no insulation between them. My husband is running on little sleep as it is due to work and the other two boys get VERY cranky if they don't get enough sleep. Once or twice Y has had a poopy diaper, but other than that I really can't find anything that appears to be wrong with him other than that he wants to be held or has dropped his pacifier. Last night I got up with Y no less than 3 times. Finally at 5 a.m. I attempted to lay down on the couch and let him sleep on my chest, which he did quite successfully...for about 10 minutes. Then I tried to get up to put him in ...

It has been a baaaaaad day. Both of the little boys spent basically the entire morning crying. C wanted to be held pretty much 24/7 and cried and screamed when I put him down. Let's face it, it is simply impossible for me to carry around 26+ pounds of dead weight the entire day as well as take care of myself and the other people in the family. He had to sit in time-out four times for throwing things because he got mad (normally because he was mad at ME, the resident bad-guy). It's raining, which means no going outside. The visit got canceled for the second day in a row. Nap time today started at 11:30 (normally wouldn't start til 1) because everyone was basically falling apart. Then at 12:30 a neighbor kid came over to see if D was home and proceeded to BANG on the door with all his might, which caused the dogs to bark, which therefore woke up the babies, who both screamed their brains out. AAAAHHHHH. At some point today I have to take D to his school to get enrolle...

So after talking to the therapist for a long time yesterday, she agreed with me that I should probably hold C while he is having tantrums. She explained that his language/communication skills aren't developed enough for him to be able to have a conversation with himself such as "OK I need to stop screaming so that I can go out of my bedroom and be with the family again". She said just to hold him and say things like "I'm sorry you're upset that I told you no" or whatever - not giving in to him but still trying to comfort him. She explained that it is NOT rewarding him for his behaviour. I can't really explain it the way she did but it made a lot of sense. She said we should try it, see how it goes, and if that doesn't work we can always try something else later. What we were doing previously did not seem to be working so I figure it really can't hurt to try this. So far today has gone really well with only one serious tantrum, which also...

...which is coming from me. :) I have sought professional help for C's tantrums. They have not dissipated at all. Yesterday they were at peak level with tantrums coming like so many bombs into the lives of all of us that are attempting to live in this house. He had one tantrum that lasted for 30 minutes yesterday (and many before and after that!), a constant barrage of SCREAMING. For a few days they really did get better and became shorter and fewer...but they are back with a vengeance. While I have no prior experience, I just can't believe that it is normal for children to spend several hours a day screaming and crying, especially when their caretaker (me!) does not ever give into them or send them mixed signals in any way (that I am aware of, at least). The only solutions I can think of are a) at his mom's house tantrums are not handled the same way, so it is causing confusion and thus prolonging and exacerbating the problem; b) I am handling them in a way that is n...

I realized after spending some alone time throughout the day yesterday that I have been a bit uncharitable towards the boys' fathers. After all, I myself have a checkered past. I have just been lucky enough to be "reformed" without the requirement of jail time. I think I would feel better about it if I knew that they had changed, but of course I have no way of knowing this. I will possibly meet them next time the boys go to court (which I plan on attending assuming we can get approved child care). But of course it would be impossible to know for sure on a first meeting, maybe even impossible to know after spending a lot of time together (which will not happen anyway)! They and God will be the only ones that know. So all that to say, I have a more positive outlook on this now and I truly hope that these dads have changed hearts and that they are ready to spend quality time with their children and be the dads that the kids need. In other news, I think we have entered t...

...and lack thereof. As foster parents, we have very little control. We can not make any plans that interfere with the boys' visitation without first getting permission from their mother. This means that 5 days a week we are the mercy of their visitation schedule. One of these days is Saturday, which puts a crimp in any weekend activities or trips - Saturday they have a visit, Sunday we have church. We all went to the lake last night, and D ran into some of his cousins on his dad's side. His dad is not active in their case and he has not had contact with his dad since he entered foster care. I don't believe HHS even has an address for him. Anyway, one of the girls that was there gave D his dad's girlfriend's phone number. When the kids first came to our house D was talking about his dad all the time, like he was a constant presence in his life. I asked his caseworker if he could talk to his dad and the answer was no, period. No explanation given. So I told ...

I have met many fabulous people in my life. I have had some awesome teachers, awesome family members, etc. I have been really blessed to meet all of the people that I have met and to have been a part of their lives. Well yesterday I added someone to the list. Her name is Betty and she and her husband have done foster care for 30 years. Our friends that typically do respite for us were already booked for this weekend, so I asked our CEDARS worker to find someone for us. So, she found these folks. They live an hour away (yikes!) in a small town. The first thing that happened when we arrived was that a young child ran out the door to greet us along with Betty. The child went into the house ahead of us and Betty said "He was excited because the kids are black!" He was black too so I guess it kind of makes sense. :) Turns out he was six years old and called Betty "Mom" so I assume he was adopted. They had at least 5 kids living there that I could see. One was i...

because I'm kind of bored right now. Could I wash the dishes? Sure. But my legs are tired. Took all the boys to the lake yesterday with Brian and it was pretty fun. Both of the little boys wanted to be pretty independent, which resulted in them dunking themselves and us saving their lives multiple times. It totally didn't phase them at all though! And C actually stood up in water that was deeper than his waist, which was an accomplishment in and of itself. At the pool he refuses to leave the stairs without MUCH screaming and carrying on, while his little brother walks in water up to his neck with no fear at all. I think C is learning to speak French. When he goes poo he says "Je poo-poooooo" and it sounds like a different language. It's quite hilarious. I get the poo poooooo part, but not sure what the Je is supposed to mean. Also yesterday he was playing with our dog's Kong Wubba and pretending it was a baby (google it to see what those look like). ...

I ask polls because I am, really, clueless. I think things like "Why should my toddler wear footwear when it is blazing hot outside and we are going to the store and I know for a FACT he is not going to be walking?" but I know that it is socially inappropriate to send him out without footwear, so the shoes go on. I previously asked about onesies because I thought welllll, maybe it is also not socially appropriate to send a child out in (sort of) public in a onesie with no additional bottom coverage. I truly am clueless about these things. So now I shall ask this question. C, the 2 year old, has been spitting out food. I mean chewing it up, spitting it out, and playing with it. It is, obviously, disgusting, not to mention a waste of food. It's not just food he doesn't like. I would say the most frequently spit out food is apples, and he loves apples. I have asked him not to do it but this has not worked (imagine that!). Physical punishment of any kind is not al...

We took all the boys on a trip to Kansas this weekend to visit my family. It really went better than we could have expected. I located a park in a town about halfway between here and there (thank you, Google!) and we stopped and let the boys run around a little bit each way. I think it helped even though both times it was over 90 degrees outside. Blech! It is about 5-5.5 hours in the car both ways so that is kind of a long time for little kids to be in the car. My husband put some movies on his Netbook (read: mini lap top) and was able to strap it to the top of C's seat and since he is rear-facing he was able to watch some movies. It worked out pretty well. We all slept in the same room. My grandparents put the entire family up in the downtown Marriott which was suhweet. Our room was HUGE so the kids had plenty of room to run around and be crazy. We brought lots of toys and books but of course their favorite things to do were playing with the booster seat with the tray we br...