Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

Rights were terminated. Thanks so much for those of you that have been praying and thank you all for your support.  We are looking at December 1 as our adoption date!!!

Court was...odd.  I guess bio dad showed up and saw that his attorney had like 3 reams of documents. BD asked his attorney what all that was for, to which the attorney responded "it's for your trial!"  "My trial? I don't want a trial!" So, there wasn't a trial! Instead basically what they did is take aaalllll the paper work ever, court reports, emails including at least one from me, police reports, a recorded phone call, etc etc etc and submit them as evidence under the stipulation that if all the people who wrote those reports came to testify, that their testimony would agree with what is in the reports. So it took about an hour and a half (most of which was spent organizing and shuffling all the papers!), and I didn't have to testify.  So now the judge has the not-so-desirable job of reviewing the evidence submitted and making a ruling on whether rights should be terminated or not. So it was a pretty interesting morning.  I was glad to not have...

With bio dad's hearing coming up tomorrow, I've just been thinking about all the changes that have been going on in all of our lives.  Only eight short months ago I attended a team meeting where everybody present talked matter-of-factly about when the boys would be going home and how that transition would be made. It wasn't a matter of "if"; it was a matter of "when". Today, they legally have no mother.  Maybe after tomorrow 3 of them will legally have no father.  I have 3 children that call me "Mommy"; 8 months ago I had zero children that called me that.  Eight months ago we were talking about taking a break from foster care when the kids went home and wondering what our "new" kids would be like and what we would do differently; now we are discussing things like saving up for college and moving to a larger home.  Eight months ago we were driving 1.5 to 2 hours every day taking a child to and from school because of somebody else...

So we went to the dentist, and the dentist said we need to get rid of the pacifier for Miss M. She uses it only at night, but apparently it is starting to affect her pallet. Honestly, it could/should have maybe been gone a long time ago. EXCEPT: One year ago, she was living full time with her foster mom. Nine months ago, she started having overnight visits with her bio mom, who she had only seen for 12 hours a week up until that time. She went from one night a week, to two nights, to three nights. Then 6 months ago, she went to zero nights with bio mom. Then 4 months ago, she started transitioning to our house. 2 months ago she started living here full time. Now, that's a lot of changes. And I feel for the girl, I do. I wish the system wouldn't have given the overnights with bio mom. I mean I'm sure they had to; she was doing so well for a while. But...!!!!! It's frustrating to build up that bond, and build and build...then to just tear it down. It put...

So the hearing for the little one's bio dad is Friday the 27th at 8 a.m. We have been asked to testify, I think it will be pretty straightforward stuff so I'm not too nervous. Of course I have a week to work up my nervousness so I guess we'll see. :) I really can't believe it is finally going to happen! Took all 3 littles to the dentist this morning. First of all, they weren't even supposed to go today. They should have gone Monday, but since they were sick all weekend I rescheduled. I *thought* I rescheduled for today...no, it was actually next Thursday. ???? How does that even happen? But our dentist(s) were awesome and squeezed them all in! It was wonderful. Also a few days ago Y had his annual check up, he was right at 50% for height and 40% for weight. I don't know why but to me he always seems so small compared to his friends his age! But apparently he is pretty close to average. Meanwhile in the next month we have: follow up appt with poop doctor...

I am happy to say that we have been puke and diarrhea free for almost 48 hours now. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights Y puked...Monday night/Tuesday morning was the worst since he did it in his bed and I'm quite sure he just slept in it...I never heard him crying. And thankfully he still wears diapers to bed because he had major diarrhea too. So it was awful. Monday M and Y both stayed home with me, then Tuesday just Y stayed home. I seriously could not believe how much calmer the house was without C in it. Y and M played nicely together for the most part. I realize they were partially sick (although they seemed to be feeling much better, I just kept them home as a precaution), so they may not have been at 100% yet. But still. When C walks into a room, the volume level increases at least 50% or more, even if the room is already full. Tuesday was nice to just spend some time with Y. He is such a character! Since he is introverted his personality doesn't shine all the...

Y is puking like nobody's business. I wrote this really great poem about it, after he went to bed and had some time to de-escalate myself: How many places can barf be? Let me count the ways! On the couch, on the floor, in an open dresser drawer, The side of the tub, On two different rugs. Lots of laundry, disinfectant, I am quite expectant That I shall be up throughout this night Cleaning and checking to make sure all is alright Oh vomit how I hate thee, Please come around no more! This child can projectile vomit like nobody's business. Then it didn't help that he kept thinking he needed to poop, when actually he needed to puke...he was prepared for pooping but not so much for puking. Mhhhm. He was trying to get a new shirt out of his drawer and puked in the drawer, all down the front of the dresser, on the rug, just everywhere. One time out of the 8 or so that he puked he did make it to the trash can. I so appreciated that and gave him major props. M was ...

So the past 2 days with Miss M have been just awful. I know you guys with toddlers know just what I mean. The screaming, never-ending tantrums over every single stinking thing, being kicked, my dogs being kicked in fits of rage. It doesn't help that my husband has been gone for the last 3 nights for D's basketball games and a bike ride, and I miss him and am feeling stressed! I am so glad she is small, otherwise I am sure she would probably kill somebody for reals. Probably me, the person who has to tell her "no" the most. I'm the meanest. It's hard to know if she is feeling the loss of her first foster mom, or her "real" mom, or if we are still in the testing phase. Probably some combination of all three. I found out that Monday her old foster mom stopped into her daycare to see her, and Monday was the day her behavior started being worse. But it also seems like the more she is with us (like through the weekend) the better her behavior is too....

OK, so I asked our CW about D's dad and the status of that, since the termination hearing for the other dad is coming up. FYI D is confident he knows who his dad is, bio mom seems confident as well. This man was in D's life prior to him coming into foster care, though I'm not sure how much...he says he "stayed with him on the weekends" but of course this could mean that it happened 5 times in his 11 years outside of foster care. Or it could mean every single weekend. Or it could mean...you get the picture. This man has not had any contact with D since he came into foster care, except for one phone call. To my knowledge. Not to say there hasn't been contact through Facebook; I'm smart enough to realize that could have happened. Anyway. Apparently there is no dad listed on D's birth certificate, and DNA testing was never done. So paternity has not been established. Our CW is telling us that they don't need to do ANYTHING regarding D's dad. ...

Thursday in my email I received a copy of the proposed contact agreement between us and bio mom. They wanted us to sign it Friday in front of a notary. Sad to say, we a) wanted our attorney to review it and b) were going to be gone for what ended up being 15 hours on Friday...so needless to say, we were unavailable for signing on that particular day. Our attorney seriously emailed me back within like 2 hours of me emailing her, because she is awesome. Then we made some edits over the weekend, and ended up getting it sent off Sunday night. Bio mom was due for relinquishing at 1 p.m. today. They wanted us to sign it beforehand, but I had to work at the farm (after having like 2 weeks off because of the heat wave) so I couldn't do it. I was worried this would put the relinquishment in jeopardy but we just weren't willing to be rushed into something because other people couldn't get things to us in a timely fashion, you know? Long story short, after much frantic check...

This is really not about the 4th of July. But I just needed a title. :) D started a "real" job. He is detasseling. For those of you not from corn country, basically that means going through a field and pulling off the tops of some corn plants so that it can be pollinated by a different kind of corn. Corn is pollinated when the tassel bits come down and touch the silks of the ears. Neat right? Well anyway, it is going OK I guess, except that he has missed the last 2 days of work. Monday may have been my fault, we got to the place where the bus picks him up at 4:59 and apparently the bus was already gone (it is supposed to leave at 5:00 a.m.). Then this morning my husband got him there at 4:50 and the bus was also gone. Or so D said. I think they might have just gotten there before everybody else. But hey, what do I know. Bio mom is getting another chance to relinquish. It is supposed to be this Monday at 2 p.m. So we will see if that actually happens or not. Not...