Crash course in parenting - Life as a foster mom

Well, apparently it is Infertility Awareness Week. I am infertile. There, I said it! Apparently, so are about 1 in 10 couples. We have tried to get pregnant, but it didn't work. We opted not to go the route of invitro, so we haven't tried all that we could try. I don't think there is anything wrong with invitro, but it just felt too invasive, too expensive, too risky for my heart to get my hopes up so high and then have the possibility of it not "working". Going through fertility treatment was very emotionally and physically draining. It is not something I wish personally to pursue ever again, although if it meant a lot to my husband I would at least consider pursuing it again. I thought this blog was very insightful with a lot of the same feelings that I have: http://foster2forever.com/2012/04/dont-ignore-infertility.html Several people have said to me "As soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant!" ...Maybe, I guess, but if it hasn'...

We are having our basement bathroom remodeled. This means that right now, NOTHING down there works. There is no sink, no shower, no toilet. Actually, there is a toilet, but it is not attached to any plumbing. So if you used it, it would be like a port-a-potty. In our house. Ew. So we are all sharing one toilet. Anyway. Y has this really terrible habit. I am not sure if he is making it up, or if it really is this way, but things go like this almost every single day: Me: C, can you go potty please? (C goes and gets on the potty, moving at the speed of a glacier) Y: MY PEE IS COMING OUT! I NEED TO POTTY! Me: Well, I think C is on the potty now but if you wait just a minute he will be done. Y: (cry cry cry, then a deep breath as though he is gathering strength from somewhere deep inside his little 2-year-old soul) Okay. Well, the other day, it went like this: Me: C, can you please go poop? (he poops on a schedule, for real, see previous constipation posts) (C goes and ge...

I've posted before about how the C-monster has almost the exact opposite personality as I do. He is definitely an extrovert, far and away the opposite side of the introvert/extrovert continuum from me. We had a bit of a difficult time with him during the weekend. It is so hard to not be irritated with him. His voice is naturally LOUD, he is either whispering or practically yelling. He has no "quiet" voice, despite our repeated attempts to teach it. He wants to sit on my lap, but then he wiggles and digs his bony little bootie into my legs, or digs his elbows into my ribs, or throws his 35-pound self off my lap expecting me to catch him and keep him from landing head first on the ground, or pulls my hair while trying to make it "pretty". (I do let all 3 of the boys play with my hair as they are fascinated with it, but the other two are at least gentle!) He can't be quiet for more than 1 minute, it's just not possible for him unless the TV is on in w...

Ok here is a real update. I am doiing this from my phone so please pardon any spelling errors. Bio mom contacted us last week (she has my cell number and we text fairly regularly) to let us know that she had decided to relinquish her rights, and had told D. She said she knew it was best for her kids, that she wasn't raised right and that she wanted more for her kids than she could give them. She said she keeps hurting them, though she doesn't mean to, and that it just wasn't right. Needless to say, we were very surprised. I was expecting this to happen maybe later in the summer, once it got close to the termination trial. I was also surprised at her apparent maturity in recognizing her role in the situation and her ability to see what she could do to make things right. At court basically what happened is they set a docket call for May 7, where all the parties have to appear at court. I am not sure why. Then the termination hearing is set for the week of May 21. This is all...

My Dad's brother passed away yesterday. We didn't really have a relationship. He made a lot of very sad choices in his life, which made it difficult for me both as a child and as an adult to want to be close with him. I remember when I was little I was scared of him. He was always nice enough, to me at least, and I don't know that I had a tangible reason for being afraid, but I was. That has carried over into my adulthood, this kind of unnamed fear that I had in my heart. My Dad called to let me know that my uncle did not have very much time to live, and I was sad not because of our relationship but because he had chosen to waste his life. I was also a little bit mad. I don't know what kind of demons he was facing, but to me it seemed that he was fighting them off with alcohol and drugs. I talked to my husband a little bit about it, in front of D. I wanted D to hear, really, because nobody wants to be 54 years old with no kids, no wife, bleeding and so sick that...

Ok well I feel like I have so much to blog about but not really much, at the same time. Because nothing has really happened officially yet. Anyway, among the approximately 80 thousand decisions we have made in the last week or so, my husband and I decided that we need to do better at meal times with us ALL working together to clean up. For like the past 2 years what usually happens is I cook, and we all eat, and my husband and D clean their own dishes and put them in the dishwasher, then I do everything else! Which is not very much fun for me, I'm not gonna lie. So we decided that we would ALL help clean up. And it rocked. And everyone pitched in and did what they could and there was no complaining! Also, D cooked me a fried egg after dinner. It was good. :) A toddler tidbit: C: I want to grow up! Me: Why? C: So that I can go in the kitchen! And so I can tell people what to do. Can't really argue with that! :) Miss M is spending the night TWO nights this weekend, we are s...

We have been asked to come up with a contact agreement. You can draw your own conclusions about what that means. We have discussed the initial offer with the boys' GAL, since we don't have an adoption attorney since this is not an adoption case yet. She is writing it up to send to the bio parent's attorneys, and I guess we will see what happens next. New possible move-in date for Miss M is mid-May. Yeah that's in, like, a month. Eeeep! There is a special day 6 months from mid-May that we would like to be a part of. If you know what I mean. It may or may not be possible but that's what we are shooting for. Court today in the courtroom was anti-climactic; it's what happened OUTSIDE the courtroom that made the difference. I think we were in court for 15 minutes and outside of court for over an hour. So there you go. I am a ball of nervous energy, not gonna lie! I was up in the middle of the night for a few hours thinking about things. My brain just will not...

I have some news. I wish I could tell you! But I can't. I MIGHT be able to tell you tomorrow. Then again, I might not. I don't want to get your hopes up! ;) Seriously I am kind of bursting. Except it's a hesitant burst because this is foster care, and nothing really happens until it has officially happened, for real, on paper, as approved by a judge. That's it. So let's see. This morning I took the 3 littles to an indoor playground type thing. Miss M was not really feeling adventurous so I held her almost the entire time. That girl is heeaaavy! She is nearly as big as Y, for real. Anyway they all had fun. I coached them all ahead of time that we needed to stay together (1 parent + 3 toddlers + public place = chaos!) and I asked them if they were going to cry when it was time to go and they decided they wouldn't cry. And they did such a good job and were such good kids, for real. They stayed where I could see them for the most part and they did not cry o...

D had his first track meet today. It's been really weird; he hasn't been asking us to tell his mom when and where is meets are and he didn't want that with his basketball games either. But with his football games he was really concerned that she knew when and where they were. ANYway. His first track meet today went OK I think. I had a 10K, so what I did was drop him off, go do my race, and then my husband arrived at the track meet with the little boys, then I met up with them and we stayed for the rest of the time. I think my husband was able to see all FIVE of D's events. I don't really know anything about track, I'm not gonna lie, but my husband did track in middle and high school so he knew what was going on so that was nice. D ran a mile in 6:05 which I think is really fast. He took 3rd place. And he did the hurdles, which C kept calling "curdles" and Y kept calling "turtles". And he did the 1/2 mile and shot put, and was supposed...

That name is - "Canceled". Yeah, that's right. Tuesday morning Miss M got dropped off at my house by her FM, and then about 30 minutes later the worker to take them to their dad's visit came and picked them up. The worker takes them to daycare after their visit, then that afternoon they go to a visit with their mom. Tuesdays are crazy days for these kids. M's FM texted me that night, "Did the kids not have a visit with bio dad? He didn't write in M's book." Hmmmmm. I responded that as far as I knew they had had one, because nobody ever called me to tell me that they didn't. Well, she took the initiative to ask at daycare the next day what time they had arrived. The answer was that they had arrived shortly after 9 a.m. Hmmmmm, bio dad's visit is supposed to last until 11:30. So, I guess that means they didn't have a visit and nobody told us. So for 2 hours we had no idea where our kids were. Every parents' dream! Then thi...

Weeelllll. D told me yesterday that one of his friends gave him a pill at school yesterday and he took it. I believe I blogged a week or two ago about how one of his friends DIED because of taking pills. So you can imagine my utter shock when he told me about what he did! Apparently they were just sugar pills that diabetics take when they have low blood sugar. At least, that's what he was told. So anyway, I tried to have a chat with him about how if somebody gives you a pill you have NO IDEA what it is or what it could do to you, even if your friend tells you it's OK. He brushed it off of course, I am always overreacting don't you know! So anyway. He is 12 years old. This makes me so flustrated. How could something like this happen? I am really hoping that nothing bad happens the rest of the year and that next year he can start going to school in our district and hopefully crap like this won't be going down. And I hope he took my words to heart, even though ...

This is not foster care related. Feel free to skip! :) A few weeks ago, we had our contractor come out to the house to give us an estimate on finishing the basement bathroom. We wanted a shower down there, and our washing machine and dryer are currently down there so the space would have to be reconfigured to allow room for everything. Basically after looking at options we decided that we would go ahead and move the washer and dryer to a different room (currently a pantry/storage area). Then he showed us how if we lifted our washing machine up onto a pedestal we could tap into an existing drain pipe so we wouldn't have all kinds of pipes running across the floor (which is what we currently have, and I stub my toes on a regular basis). He said we could just build something, or they could build something for us, or we could buy the pedestals that were made for our washer and dryer. He said they were probably about $200 each. We CAN afford that; but didn't really want to. I fig...

Because that's what all the cool kids are blogging about today. :) We went to an indoor water park with my husband's dad (a.k.a. "Big Grandpa"), his brother Jason, and two of our nephews who are both 7. I guess at this point they are our only nephews. Anyway. It was a fun time! My husband's dad did such a great job with the little boys. They both had a fun time with him, and he set up an easter egg hunt for them (with the help of our nephews) and got them some gifts like kites, giant coloring books, etc. It was pretty sweet. And my husband's brother was really nice to them too; he went with D and DH to the arcade and played games and he held Y and C and let them try on his motorcycle helmet. Actually when Y woke up the first morning we were there he asked "Where is the motorcycle guy?" Yeah buddy, that "guy" is your (soon-to-be) uncle Jason. Ha ha! We went to T-Rex Cafe and the little boys were terrified of all of the dinosaurs. They ...

Now D knows. The CW came over and just told him, in front of all of us. He did not say one word and walked out. He likes to be alone when he gets upset so it was nothing out of the ordinary. He stayed outside for probably 15 minutes or so, then took the dogs for a walk. When he came back, he was acting completely normal and joking around and stuff. So I am not sure what is going on. I think partly he kind of already could tell just from the way things have been going that it was not good. And I wonder if part of him is just relieved to just finally know what is going to happen and to not have to worry or wonder about it anymore. But I also know he hasn't dealt with this all yet and behaviors or whatever might be coming down the pike. Not a whole lot of news, otherwise. The county attorney is filing for termination either Monday or Tuesday so that is coming up. We will still have a hearing on April 17th, but more to set a time for the termination hearing. The CW anticipates that...

My house has been melt down house. We've had a bit of a rough weekend with D, which ended last night in him bawling at the table after dinner (he ate a second dinner about an hour after we ate our first dinner...growth spurt!) and saying "I want to go hooooooome!" All because we said he couldn't go back to his friend's house, where he had been basically all afternoon and who he spent the entire day with Saturday. We are the meanest. Once he got cooled off we were able to hang out, and we had an interesting chat about adoption. It came up because he decided he doesn't want to go to this indoor water park we are going to next weekend. We decided that him not going is not an option; it's a family trip. He was saying how we're not family and how my and my husband's families (mom, dad, siblings, etc.) is not his family. I asked what makes someone a family, and he said it's the people you are related too. So I asked him if my cousin Andrew was ...

Bio mom canceled the visit on Friday (where she sees the two little boys only) and then canceled the visit on Saturday. Unfortunately we weren't informed in both cases until we had already told the kids they were going on a visit. Saturday we even had to wake them up from their naps and everything, only to find that they weren't actually going. Friday the little boys were really upset; yesterday they were fine. A few times Y pretended to call his mom on the phone and said to her "Are you sick?" Then today he was asking if his "other" mom was sick. I think they are starting to get more and more confused as more time passes and they are able to comprehend and understand more. Anyway, as I previously said, if she misses the visit and it is someone else's fault she always wants to call the boys and talk to them on the phone. She has not called or texted me or anything this time. It's hard to know what to think. April 5 is looming. I'm not su...